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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#381

Post by mcv »

pastage wrote: post #276
libraryatnight wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Cars are awful. I was fantasizing about an e-bike after reading a thread on HN, but in Phoenix, I'd die for sure. I do not feel safe around other cars in my car much less a bike. I really wish the US weren't so all in on cars. It's only getting worse with the oversized death-machine trucks saturating the roads. My in-laws are blind as bats and drive something that should require a commercial license.

Getting around on an electric bike will prolong your life. I bike on good infrastructure and it makes all the difference, you see kids bicycle 7km to soccer practice. Two months every year I go to an area such as you describe and while it feels dangerous it really isn't that bad. The stress can be bad if you let it, but as long as you accept it and try to see everything nice that happens you are ok. Try it out.

> Getting around on an electric bike will prolong your life.

Not if you get killed by a car. That's his point.

Bikes are great, but much more so in a society that recognises the benefits of bikes than in a society that sees than as alien and as targets.

It does help when more people start to bike. There is safety in numbers, not to mention more understanding and recognition. Netherland has the advantage that we've never really gotten rid of our bikes; as soon as cars were about to take over in the 1960s, people started to fight back. People here have been fighting for bikes and against cars for more than 50 years. In the US, that fight doesn't even have remotely the kind of momentum that it had in Netherland 50 years ago, so there's quite a lot of distance to catch up there.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#382

Post by mcv »

flippinburgers wrote: post #343
naremu wrote: post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

The suburbs suck because people don't have porches anymore. Even if they did people are highly suspicious of one another. It is a lose-lose situation all around.

> people are highly suspicious of one another

I think that might perhaps be the biggest issue in the US. There seems to be a massive amount of distrust separating people. And some groups are eagerly amplifying that distrust with their culture war nonsense.

There might not be a way out for the US until that issue is solved.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#383

Post by packetlost »

MrOwnPut wrote: post #372
BenFranklin100 wrote: post #14

Access to friends is probably the biggest reason I prefer dense urban environments. There’s something magical about being able to step out your door and be within a 10-20 minute walk of close friends or family. It invites casual get togethers like Saturday afternoon coffee or an after work drink. Living an hour or two apart kills these opportunities. I recall walking through Vienna one weeknight evening and being ama…

Or just live in a small town where all of your friends and needs are 5 minutes away. I see no point to overpopulated cities with remote work so prevalent nowadays. Cars aren't the problem, overpopulated cities are. I can walk my town end to end in 15 minutes, there's a coop, grocery store, hospital, entertainment, etc. You can drive to another town if you want, or drive and park anywhere without paying, or walk, or b…

I fail to see how overpopulation is the problem when cities like Tokyo exist.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#385

Post by Waterluvian »

I have a behaviour that some people have said is weird. I rarely hold on to friends when I change locales. Once in university, I had none of my high school friends within a year. Once I graduated, I had almost none of my university friends within a year.

I just make friends with whoever is nearby. People I work with. Neighbours. People from the Curling club. I don't really feel anything about it, positive or negative. If someone puts effort into preserving the friendship, I commit equal effort... though as adults with kids, it rarely works out.

I guess for me, the actual individuals I'm friends with is not the invariant.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#386

Post by Slava_Propanei »

alwayslikethis wrote: post #295
Gigachad wrote: post #201

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think people don't realise how dense an area can be without needing highrises. Even just townhouses which are still "single family" buildings on their own land are roughly 4x denser than detached houses.

Single family homes often also have lawns and yards, which is mostly unused space

[dead]

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#387

Post by BlargMcLarg »

mrsuprawsm wrote: post #299
timwaagh wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not just bikes makes it feel like the solution to everything is to be like the Netherlands. In that sense it's a fraud. To some extent yes you should be more like us and offload some of that traffic onto a bike path. To the extent that works and is efficient. But... I have lived here all my life. It is not a solution to anything else. It turns out, bikes do not talk to each other very much either.

You can't deny that residential communities here in NL are quite different to those even in other European countries, let alone the main Anglosphere countries (US/UK/Canada/AU/NZ). The bikes help a lot sure, but there's more things here than the bikes that contribute to the sense of community, and it does work. (It's obviously not perfect)

Nothing is showcasing it works. We are on the downward path just as much as every other country, being more and more atomized and pulled away from friends and family due to social and economic incentives.

Dutch stereotype is to be 'friendly' outward but always keep people who you aren't close to at a distance. That attitude comes back to bite you when you move away past your early 20s or use your work life as your social lifeline in today's work environment. If it wasn't for social services, the consequences would be far worse. But those social services are also contributing to what keeps the majority from staying close together in the first place.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#388

Post by lexapro »

_trampeltier wrote: post #233
rcarr wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Here’s another thing no one talks about because it’s taboo: drink driving. Right up until the mid 70s, it was completely socially acceptable to drink and drive. Now I agree that it was probably a good thing that’s it’s been banned, but having to pay for and organise transportation to go to whatever event it is you want to go to adds another substantial layer of friction to socialising. Not to mention the fact that th…

In another discussion about birth rate, somebody wrote something like this here in HN. "It's a lot safer on the street since we drink less and drive. So this saves many lives. But since we drink less, we meet less people and we make fewer children. But this "never born" children are in no statistic."

A person being killed and a person not being born are not the same thing at all.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#389

Post by 4gotunameagain »

balfirevic wrote: post #278
spaceman_2020 wrote: post #250

Earlier quoted context omitted.

At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. In the big cities, of course, everyone plans ahead. Which is great for productivity but pretty awful for socializing. Urban culture revolves around productivity, while in smaller towns here, everyone seems happy being non-productive if it means keeping their social life.

> At least in my country, no one calls ahead before dropping by to meet you in smaller cities. They just show up and hang out. I consider myself pretty sociable, but holly shit that sounds like a nightmare.

You can always say "I'm busy", and then people go to the next neighbour they like. It's not that bad.

Definitely not a system that produces introverted city coders though

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#390

Post by yunwal »

treis wrote: post #349
nicbou wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most of Europe has a café culture. It is sorely missing from North America. You just sit outside and watch the world go by. Berlin in particular has lots of parks, and people can go there with drinks, grills, frisbees etc. The sheer number of them means that most people are within walking distance from one. It’s great to meet without spending money. Again, those are almost absent in most of North America. You have to…

You think parks are "almost absent" in North America?

I feel like parks in most of the U.S. are dominated by activities. Sports, jungle gyms, etc. Often times there’s not a great place to just sit down and socialize.
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