Live data from Hacker News

Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

351–360 of 572 posts

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#351

Earlier quoted context omitted.

US anecdata: I also live in a small town of around 2000 in rural Massachusetts. Within the same walking distance I have: full elementary school (kindergarten through 6th grade), public tennis and basketball courts, a public indoor gym, a grocery store, several restaurants, several bookstores, several banks, a pharmacy, a bowling alley and a few more misc stores. We also have public transport to the nearest big town b…

Multiple bookstores in a U.S. town of 2000 people? Is it a college town?

[deleted]

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#352
post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How? My eight year old daughter gets to roam free and has seven or eight different kids she plays with on a weekly basis. A few of them daily. We’re not worried about her getting carried off because the area is super safe. We lived in the city before and it was dangerous and the neighbor had a crazy pitbull chained up that’d break out all the time so we couldn’t let her out of the house. It’s also very diverse, her f…

No, American suburbs are good enough compared to American cities that are just filthy. Cities outside of US are just fine for raising children.

I grew up in an American suburb and now live in Boston. I like that the city is more walkable, but still not very walkable. Transport is a hassle. The city streets are also often unclean, and there are some folk on the streets who most people would rather not associate with, e.g., homeless, vulgar, etc.

What is it about cities outside of America that make them better? Do you any any examples? Do you have any suggestions what we could do in America to emulate that?

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#353

Sprawl exists because it’s nice. People really like having a 3,000 square foot detached single family home with a 2 car garage. Especially when all of their friends have one. The only way everyone gets that, by definition, is sprawl. Of course, the drawbacks to personal health and well-being and societal stability are immense. But it’s really nice, too. Like, sitting in a massive basement with three TV’s while the gr…

The aspirational American city is Charleston, its gentle density, lush, verdant. Not he apartment blocks of NYC.

That's the picture that needs painting. One of town life. Not necessarily apartment life.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#354
post #124
post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

Americans are friendly but when it comes to the decisions that matter (voting and the votes with our wallets) the preference is for the private over the public. People are scared to depend on each other or to be forced to interact with strangers. So we’ll all try to have our own cars and drive on huge suburban streets and put our kids in private schools and build fences around our yards and vote down zoning laws that…

If this is true, why is it illegal to build anything but low density suburbia in most places?

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#355
I often come back to this comment on the topic: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20470085

""" The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom.

The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in things like SitComs on TV (just a bunch of friends or family hanging out) or Social Media on phones. It’s very easy to fill the social needs of right now with a Screen. But under even a minuscule amount of self reflection these are revealed as hollow substitutes for real human interaction.

The Job has completely taken over as a driving force in evaluating choices. The average person has to consider all options in the light of both the current employer and the specter of tomorrow’s. Moving across the country for a high paying job? Great! Moving to be closer to friends? That’s a career killer.

No wonder we are lonely. We make choices in the short term that optimize happiness, often at the expense of our relationships. Ghosting is not just for dates now. Then turn around and make choices in the long term that optimize employability at the expense of all else. """

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#356
post #25

I've been wondering how related these feelings of distance and isolation in the middle of society are to how the area is designed. I had always known for a long time the "why" I didn't want to go out on weekends and such, but it wasn't until I watched some of those videos from "Not Just Bikes" that it really, really struck me. I literally dread finding parking more than I enjoy finding friends. And suburban (and fran…

I have found that the suburbs are far friendlier than cities. In the suburbs, I knew a lots of my neighbors, and making friends was very easy. In the city, nobody talks to anybody. City people are just unfriendly or theyre sick of other people or something

https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2018/05/22/how-urb...

> Four-in-ten rural residents say they know all or most of their neighbors; the shares are smaller among those living in urban (24%) and suburban (28%) areas.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#357

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is why I love living in a city with a reliable train network. So many times I have left a party completely drunk late at night, and been perfectly able to manage my way back home. Seems like Americans are left with the choice to either risk killing someone/themselves driving home or just not going out.

> Seems like Americans are left with the choice to either risk killing someone/themselves driving home or just not going out. If only there was a service where you can pay money to be driven somewhere... I heard Americans invented these smartphones with apps, Maybe they can even invent an app-based version of that paid ride service!

If I spend $15 on drinks then Ubering to and from has just at least tripled my cost of going out.

If going out with friends costs $20 a head instead of $45, more people will want to do it.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#358

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Heh. I live in a city and more and more I feel this. The whole idea behind urbanism seems to be - give up the outdoors, give up hobbies that require tools and space. Go to the bar. Or a "makerspace" where you can have controlled use of someone else's tools. Rent this, rent that, take an uber here and there. It's just so commercialised.

I don’t see how having to buy all the tools yourself is any less commercial. In a hackspace you often get to access tools that you wouldn’t want to afford yourself.

With restricted access, at controlled hours, in a shared space subject to the whims of others. You're renting them.

There are very few tools I can think of at least woodworking wise that I wouldn't "want" to afford myself. Particularly in the context that an urban home costs hundreds of thousands more than a suburban or rural one.

Metalworking or something like that, maybe, I wouldn't know.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#359
post #239

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While I also like "Not Just Bikes" and this idea in general, I must say that urbanists sometimes make this mistake - living right next to a dozen of people next door and a hundred more in the same building doesn't mean that you will talk to them. I've lived in the apartment for all my life and changed it last year. I have no idea who are the people next door to me, I don't know their names and the whole social intera…

The benefit isn't so much that you can be friends with your neighbours, but that the density makes all distances shorter and by extension your friends are still much closer. In a suburb many of my friends would be 15+ minutes away by car. In the city I live in now (almost entirely apartments/multi-household buildings), almost all of my friends are within a 15 minute walk. It has been a massive improvement to my socia…

It seems vastly harder to make friends in a city, to me. When I lived in the suburbs, it was really simple to make friends. In the city, I dont know anyone. I agree that its nice to live so close to friends, but it seems impossible to MAKE any in the city.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#360
post #311
post #301

Earlier quoted context omitted.

More like sit and scroll on your phone... :D I love the idea of what cafes were supposed to be a century ago. But nowadays HN or some subreddits plays the same role. Now I can live in bum-fuck-nowhere and interact with other people from wherever. While saving on exorbitant rent just to be close to meeting points. On other other hand, this kills the romanticised idea of the cities. But are we after „city life“ as a ca…

If you think that meeting someone over drinks is equivalent to exchanging a few comments asynchronously, one of us is blissfully unware that they're missing out. Café culture simply means that you have a convenient place to meet with other people with some regularity. You really don't need to be judgemental and dismissive about it.

I see two faces of it. One is meeting local people as in building local community and fulfilling socialising bar for yourself. Another is collaborating on ideas long-term. Those are very different.

For me the most valuable part is the later. And interwebs do wonders in this space. Same conversions IRL may have been nicer, but there's no way I could have been part of them (or at least so many of them) otherwise. And if you're in a crowded cafe watching a famous person... It's not 1-on-1 conversation either, much closer to Reddit's AmA thread...

As for building local community... IMO Cafes are too restrictive. A decent community space wins all day any day.

Post reply on HN