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Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
171–180 of 371 posts
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#172> "Researchers also find that when we develop groups, our friendships are more sustainable than they are with individuals. Because there's multiple touch points now, right? Someone else in the group could reach out to all of us, and then we all keep in touch." This is the most important tip in the article, in my experience. When I lived in SF, most of my friend hangs were 1-on-1 catchups over coffee or lunch. Schedul…
Ugh, no thanks personally. I know that the friend I'm hanging out with will get my jokes - inside jokes, weird humor etc. Now I have to worry about an entire group, some of whom may not like my humor, and now I have to put on the 'you're in public, be brusque and minimal' anxiety filled mask, and can't open up as I would in 1-1 or 1-2 with a friend or just a couple of friends. Now add that to other people invited who…
This is a weird persective for me, who mostly hangs out in groups. I've never thought about having to impress each individual member of the group at once or that I should be brusque; I dont even know what that means. And we have plenty of inside jokes and weird humor.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#173I feel like it has more to do with having a surplus of time and resources. When you're in school, you have more time to hang out with people and every interaction isn't tainted by the reality of having to compete over limited resources. As an adult, you are responsible for acquiring your own resources so every relationship is tainted by economic competition. I suspect that rich people have more friends for this reaso…
> aside from the occasional famine
At least 50 million people have died due to famines in communist countries. Brushing that aside as "occasional" is intellectually dishonest.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mass_killings_under_communist_...
Same-sex hand-holding isn't possible in capitalist countries? South Korea has the same hand-holding culture: https://www.quora.com/Is-holding-hands-a-big-deal-in-Korea-i...
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#174Join a sports team and stick with it. You’ll have lots of friends in no time. Being part of a team and working on something together that’s not work and doing it consistently over years is key. I see the same group of fifty people two times a week, rain or shine. Over time you’ll naturally develop close friends without having to awkwardly force it. Added benefit: consistent exercise.
I have never played a sport outside of gym class. When I went to local sports meetups, I mostly found people practicing the sports they played in high school or college. I sucked by comparison, and it showed.
So what if you suck? Doing something you're bad at can be liberating
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#175I tend to lose friends every time I start talking about Emacs.
Does it cause your friendships to stall, man ? ;)
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#176I'm talkative, outgoing and pretty funny in real life. I think I can say that people generally enjoy my company. But I only have about three friends, and I see them maybe four times a year. I really get along with my coworkers and enjoy their company at work. My wife thinks I should make more friends. But the truth is (and I suspect this is pretty common with HN'ers), I don't want more friends! Because in addition to…
Same sentiment exactly. Not to sound rude, but I don't -want- more friends, and it feels bad rejecting people who reach out. I already feel like there aren't enough hours in a day, and selfishly want to hoard my time to myself. My wife and I are polar opposites in that regard. She can never seem to have enough friends, and they talk often. I think one big difference is how people are with nothingness. Because no matt…
We introverts have an easy life with ourselves, completely at peace with oneself, never bored. Extroverts dread this, they need external stimulus to feel alive, alone they get bored and depressed quickly. Hand in hand with that go things like imagination, alone you simply have much more time to train it.
As I grew up, I realized how stupid and immature it is to try to blend with the rest of the crowd, where extroverts naturally stick out and introverts feel like they are doing something wrong and should emulate more visible ones. Embrace yourself as you are, focus on aspects you don't like yourself but enjoy the rest, it can be a real strength if you use it well.
Friends and family are one aspect of it, but also how you approach hobbies, traveling etc. Ie my extroverty boss can't simply go to gym, he has to go with some friend. So he goes rarely and he sucks in it. Bunch of friends simply can't travel alone, while I repeatedly explained to them that ie backpacking around the world alone is extremely positive and character-building experience that can't be achieved in any other way. So eventually one of them went, but for 2 weeks only to effin' Singapore and not a step further, to hang out with former colleague for 2 weeks. While having amazing places to keep discovering all around him, or ie jumping on a plane to Bali/Lombok/Gili islands for a week.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#177Oh how very true. I’m going through at this very moment. As a dad(of a 4 year old), having moved to a new city during COVID, it has been a struggle to find friends. Although I do attend a few meet-ups every now and then, play tennis in a group, take Dutch classes, I just could not meet anyone often enough to become friends with. Whenever I try to organise something to hangout, it’s a nightmare to find a time that wor…
Bumble has a BFF option.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#178Oh how very true. I’m going through at this very moment. As a dad(of a 4 year old), having moved to a new city during COVID, it has been a struggle to find friends. Although I do attend a few meet-ups every now and then, play tennis in a group, take Dutch classes, I just could not meet anyone often enough to become friends with. Whenever I try to organise something to hangout, it’s a nightmare to find a time that wor…
Bumble has a BFF option.
I tried this at one point and it was a bad experience. It was mostly gay men. While I'm not against being friends with anyone who is gay, I very much got the feeling most people on there were looking for something different than I was.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#179I really wish HN had a meetup section where you could host meetups in cities. I went to a meetup in Mexico City a few months ago, all from HN, and it was great.
Re: Making friends as an adult is hard (2021)
#180I'm 45. I regularly make friends with people who I meet climbing, at meet ups, at work, at social functions etc. Some of these have proven to be long term friendships. I don't think it's the "adult" factor, I think it's a choice of priorities. Probably the most important factor in my circumstance is my partner (of 26 years) and I don't have kids. Having said that, some of my more recent friends (last few years) do have kids, so they're obviously still prioritising meeting new people and doing new things.