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Why don’t more people live close to friends?

annehelen.substack.com

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Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#151

Post by emodendroket »

NikolaNovak wrote: post #21
nonethewiser wrote: post #5

Isn’t being friends with your neighbors a far more obvious answer to this? I thought that’s where this was going. > Sometime during the pandemic lockdowns, I began to nurture a fantasy,” Adrienne Matei writes. “What if I were neighbors with all of my friends? Every day, as I took long walks through North Vancouver that were still nowhere near long enough to land me at a single pal’s doorstep, I would reflect on the p…

In addition to what other have said, the definition of "friends" may change with time and context. Like yourself, my family was super "close" to our neighbours when I was growing up. But they weren't even remotely "friends" in the sense that I might use the word today - there were zero common interests; significantly different backgrounds, world perspectives, priorities, lifestyles; they had little to talk about othe…

I think my “regular friends” generally were still people I had significant differences in some ways with, and our initial connections were often something incidental like having nearby dorm rooms or enjoying televised football.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#152

Post by EntrePrescott »

nine_k wrote: post #18
JumpCrisscross wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> being friends with your neighbors a far more obvious answer to this Being friends with neighbours prioritises the home by making social interactions subservient to it. Being neighbours with your friends prioritises those people by deprecating where you live to it. There isn't a single answer. But speaking as someone with many acquaintances, including very good ones, but a handful of close friends (and maybe a dozen…

I'd say "a dozen or two" is a very high number. Enjoy and value your luck!

reminds me of this saying, in different variations, attributed to Aristotle: "He who has many friends has no friends".

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#153

Post by emodendroket »

rayiner wrote: post #93
lotsofpulp wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> about American individualism[0] and not wanting to share anything if you don't absolutely have to. I don’t know if this is an American quality specifically. It could just be that Americans can (or used to be able to) afford it, whereas most other people in most other societies never could. For example, what young married couple would want to live in their parents house if they can afford their own? All of my extend…

> For example, what young married couple would want to live in their parents house if they can afford their own? Anyone who has kids and sometimes wants a break. > All of my extended family grew up in intergenerational households because they were poor immigrants who had to make do, but all the cousins became doctors/lawyers/engineers/etc and got their own house. How much of that is just unconsciously going along wit…

> Anyone who has kids and sometimes wants a break.

I am quite confident that occasionally having someone watch my kid would not offset the extent to which my parents (or my in-laws) and I would begin to grate on each other.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#154

Post by emodendroket »

brianjking wrote: post #39

First I'd have to understand how to make some friends as a 37 year old man who works entirely remotely. I'm trying on Bumble BFF mode, but not having tons of luck.

To me Meetup seems like a much more natural model. There's some activity I have an interest in and I can meet other people who also want to do it. The Bumble BFF thing like... OK, we have nothing in common except we want to make friends? Seems odd.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#155

Post by TylerE »

WaffleIronMaker wrote: post #142
iambateman wrote: post #85

Sprawl exists because it’s nice. People really like having a 3,000 square foot detached single family home with a 2 car garage. Especially when all of their friends have one. The only way everyone gets that, by definition, is sprawl. Of course, the drawbacks to personal health and well-being and societal stability are immense. But it’s really nice, too. Like, sitting in a massive basement with three TV’s while the gr…

> Sprawl exists because it’s nice. I think the vast swaths of single family homes have much more to do with restrictive single-family zoning rather than just because there's demand for it. In many areas, there is clearly demand for more high density housing as well, but often mixed use developments are not available under restrictive zoning laws. I hope someone more qualified than I could expand on how the FHA influe…

This sort of view is needlessly antagonistic of those you may be trying to influence.

People like what they like, stop telling them they're wrong for liking it! We're not all able-bodied extroverts that are unbothered by noise.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#156

Post by emodendroket »

muyuu wrote: post #118

People move a lot these days because of mainly economic circumstances that fit their age, work, family circumstances and friends are made mainly earlier in life. Chances are thus that most friendships will be separated over time. That's not even considering relationships that start remotely in the first place.

Well in a sense the opposite is true; people move much less than they did in the past.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#157

Post by emodendroket »

diveandfight wrote: post #91

So the author points out that some reasons constraining mobility are outside of a person's control: > When we talk about limited mobility, we have to talk about states that are actively and legislatively hostile to marginalized people. And then proceeds to frame the choice of "where to live?" as solely within a person's control, "What’s holding you back, and what conversations do you have with yourself about when and…

The author's contention is the "unprivileged" person probably doesn't have this problem by virtue of not having left their hometown in the first place.

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#158

Post by ryeights »

TylerE wrote: post #146
SllX wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, that’s a defensible argument on the merits against the colloquial usage of the word city as applied to some of these places but you’re running up against the fact that the term “city” has been eroded to near meaninglessness in North America. New England has counties and townships and cities, California and Texas only have counties and cities. Even a place that calls itself a town is still a city as far as their…

And a few places like Virginia, you have Cities and Counties, and you can only be in one or the other. Sort of a Vatican City/Italy situation, except the same country.

I like the idea. Simplified governance

Re: Why don’t more people live close to friends?

#160

Post by muyuu »

emodendroket wrote: post #156
muyuu wrote: post #118

People move a lot these days because of mainly economic circumstances that fit their age, work, family circumstances and friends are made mainly earlier in life. Chances are thus that most friendships will be separated over time. That's not even considering relationships that start remotely in the first place.

Well in a sense the opposite is true; people move much less than they did in the past.

It's not a new phenomenon, it's been going on for generations. In my country, my generation moved more than the previous ones. Perhaps we've reached a tipping point but not anywhere near to the point that people will not move away from most of their meatspace acquaintances and friendships.
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