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I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

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Re: I’ve been single all my life

#381

Post by hnthrway »

1letterunixname wrote: post #300

They don't know even half of what they're missing but it's like they want a reward and approval for this bold, uninformed proclamation they want to lash their identity to. Maybe it's just me, but: love, romantic sexual relationships, and some indescribable things between make life worth living. That's the good shit. Life is so goddamn short: spend it with interesting, cool, reliable people. And fuck around while you…

Hell is the life lived, not the end of life, it's on you if you choose to spend your remaining time dwelling on your most painful experiences

I couldn't imagine someone having that reaction at the end of their life

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#382

Post by hnthrway »

scohesc wrote: post #70

I've been single all my life as well, heading into my 30's and it's getting to the point where I feel like the crippling loneliness is absolutely killing me on the inside, likely going to lead me to an early death. Trying not to seem "needy" or come off as desperate is hard and is definitely a turn-off. I avoided social situations all my life because I was (and still am) afraid of rejection. I minimized the amount of…

Get into a bad relationship and you'll disabuse yourself of that notion really quick

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#383

Post by wetmore »

CrimsonCape wrote: post #372
akavi wrote: post #147

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For many men who frequent HN "Participate in activities where socialization is part of the activity" without further qualification would mean many activities where few to no single heterosexual women are present.

If you are male, I have a 100% guaranteed method. First, dress like Harry Styles. Then, go to a Harry Styles concert, where the gender ratio is guaranteed to be in your favor. Then say "hey what's your name?" to any given girl/woman. The girl woman will inevitably interrogate you, it doesn't matter what the question is, the answer is "I admire Harry's fashion sense, i'm a bit obsessed, are you into fashion?" Boom, ma…

This is absurd and patronizing.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#384

Post by JohnFen »

itake wrote: post #236
JohnFen wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What the other replies said. But with a couple of clarifications: You should engage in an activity that you enjoy for its own sake. Don't take up dance class, for instance, if you aren't actually interested in learning to dance. Don't "go looking for women". That is, don't try to be a pickup artist. Make an effort to be generally social, but don't focus just on the ladies. Be generally social. Talk to the men as well…

I find this to be bad advice. People already do the activities they enjoy and don’t do the activities that don’t enjoy. Clearly the activities they enjoy do not involve meeting women. For me, this translates to weight lifting (few women lift; if there are women, there is a trope for creepy gym guy and there isn’t much socialization outside of the men’s locker room) or coding (another solo experience). Try new things.…

My comment doesn't mean "don't try new things" at all. Absolutely try them and see if you like them or not. What I'm saying is that whatever things you're doing, you shouldn't be doing just to meet women.

Women can tell when guys are doing that, and it's generally off-putting.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#385

Post by maximus-decimus »

mmierz wrote: post #368
dangwhy wrote: post #349

Earlier quoted context omitted.

sarcasm?

Probably not, martial arts classes that are marketed as self defense or exercise rather than as training for combat sports get a significant number of women

Maybe it's just me but it seems tone deaf to go pick up women in a course about kicking harassers butts. It feels like something they would do in Wedding Crashers.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#386

Post by JohnFen »

signaru wrote: post #311
highspeedbus wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Bar, tinder, churches, open festivals, etc. But the most important: Through friends. Trying to make regular friends and expanding your social circle increases the chances of being invited to private gatherings, where you can meet more people and so on.

While I know others for whom church have worked, I often feel that people, especially myself, are not who they really are at church, only showing the good parts of themselves while hiding their unpopular quirks (i.e. the warts and all). This prevents me from being more interested in people I meet at church.

You could view such people as a puzzle box. You could be a detective and try to suss out what's underneath their public mask.

That process is, in my opinion, the most enjoyable part of any new friendship anyway.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#387

Post by sneed_chucker »

maxbond wrote: post #114
JasserInicide wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not just social pressure, it's simply a biological fact. For each year after ~30, the chance of having something wrong with a child during pregnancy goes up. On average in relationships, women's greatest value is their youth and beauty (early/mid 20s), men's greatest value is when they've progressed in their career and are amassing wealth (mid/late 30s). There's nothing wrong about pointing this out, they're jus…

Women are not baby machines or objects of beauty, they're people. Their "greatest value" is whatever they decide it to be. They should form relationships in the way that brings them the most happiness. Reducing women to objects of beauty, saying their value comes from their fertility, and implying that if they disagree with that assessment it's because they're too emotional is almost the dictionary definition of miso…

That's not the point. Lots of of people want kids. If you're a man, you have the luxury of waiting much longer. Women don't have that luxury, it becomes increasingly difficult to have a successful pregnancy after one's early 30s.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#388

Post by moi2388 »

karpierz wrote: post #352
trashface wrote: post #276

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Introversion has drastically different effects for men and women in the dating market. An introverted woman will still get approached by men, so even if she intentionally opts out of dating, she can always opt back in pretty much on the fly if a guy she likes approaches her. So she will still get relationships, if she wants them. Introverted men, on the other hand, often just don't pursue women, especially if they ha…

Interesting, I hadn't heard about research into how introversion affects dating outcomes. Can you post the sources you're relying on here? I want to read more on this.

There aren’t any, because it’s nonsense. Even introvert and extravert is mainly a myth; during experiments there are no clear measurable differences. One recent study even claimed the only difference was that introverts were slightly smarter.

There is also no measured connection between being an introvert and having low testosterone.

And in fact around 2/3 of all psychological research cannot be reproduced. Take any psychological claim with a giant pinch of salt.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#390

Post by JohnFen »

Nifty3929 wrote: post #172
dangwhy wrote: post #159

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.

Single usually means young, so you have to go where the young (adult) women hang out, or do what they like to do. I don’t know what that is though, sorry.

> Single usually means young

I don't think this is significantly true.

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