Earlier quoted context omitted.
No bars unless you like alco addicted girls.
Good for practicing human interactions though
That's low bar
I’ve been single all my life
321–330 of 443 posts
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#322They’re single because they’re too scared to attempt to pursue a relationship. There is no mystery here, they outline it explicitly: > The obvious course of action when you are unsure about something is experimentation. However, a relationship isn’t an activity (like a job, hobby, or sport) to try and quit when you don’t like it. Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. Naïve, self-defeating. every relationship is an experimen…
See that's the problem. Either party can just quit at any time.
Get a house, couple kids and a retirement fund. Then have her watch sex in the city and have girls nights out. To divorce papers, child support, demestic abuse and losing your family.
Sounds great casually but let's be real here. Someone's heart will get broken eventually. Unless you're going to marry a God fearing feminine unicorn. You have to agree there's a large risk here.
Once you see your father, extended family and friends go through this pain. You can admit it isn't for everyone. Loneliness is less painful.
You can look at the bright side though. You as a man can do whatever you want. Focus on yourself instead. And spend all your own money.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#323Earlier quoted context omitted.
I suspect introversion is correlated with my IQ because high IQ people enjoy thinking, and thinking is easier when you're by yourself without distractions.
It can be isolating when one has thoughts and ideas that the people around one simply cannot follow or understand. Of course it’s also often the case that introverts are simply low social status and thus find social interaction generally unrewarding. In that case pretensions of high intelligence are usually just a coping mechanism.
You can also just be labeled as a weirdo and become the target of bullying for sharing your ideas which aren’t well understood by your peers, and therefore you just keep your mouth shut and become an introvert.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#324Bella DePaulo is probably the leading scholar on the social prejudice and discrimination on single individuals. The fact that the author of the article introduces the term "incel" to deal with this extremely negative stereotype in the second paragraph highlights this prejudice. If you're interested in learning more about the ways single individuals are treated unfairly in society, Dr. DePaulo has many articles and bo…
What no one ever told you about people who are single | Bella DePaulo | TEDx
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#325Earlier quoted context omitted.
> yes you’ll look stupid i wouldn’t under estimate how crippling of a fear this is. you wouldn’t tell a depressed person “cheer up!”
depression and shyness are not the same, get drunk and go act stupid like everybody else
I'm over 30. 2 years ago I was drunk, on coke and had a girl naked in front of me saying "Fuck me" and I still managed to botch it. This only happened once I normally manage to run as soon as I sense that a girl may be interested in me. It's not easy for some people.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#326Earlier quoted context omitted.
You can find streamers who will talk about difficulties going outside due to social anxiety problems, and yet are broadcasting themselves live. It's enough of a barrier for them somehow.
How? What's their technique for overcoming the anxiety with a live stream audience?
Maybe they didn't overcome anything, there are just different sources of anxiety.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#327Earlier quoted context omitted.
> He lives in Germany too, where it takes way more effort to turn an incidental encounter into something more. This is a classic, I've heard people say stuff like this in basically every country that I visited. I don't think it is something that can be measured, it's just something super subjective and a bit of a stereotype. From my experience, I've noticed that typically individuals will say this of people with thei…
This reminds me about how most people think that the drivers in their area are the worst drivers anywhere. "We all tend to mistake the limits of our experience for the limits of the world"
Having lived in different countries, there are a huge regional differences in how highly people regard the rules of the road and look out for other vehicles and pedestrians.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#328I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…
I'm the guy who wrote the post and I can confirm the number of single women I meet is extremely low - which is what I meant by "lack of opportunities". I do have a somewhat active social life but I would have to actively optimize that for meeting single women, which would require some changes, which I haven't done - "lack of desire". But it's something I want to work on and maybe that's my next blog post :)
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#329>Also, if it doesn’t work out, I’m scared of leaving a broken heart in another person. This is a telling statement. It really highlights his inexperience and immaturity with regards to relationships (not that this is in doubt - it is after all the subject of his post). Being the cause of, and the sufferer of a "broken heart" is a formative experience. There's nothing like healing a broken heart to teach you that actu…
> It's a numbers game I think to enter into a relationship knowing there will be an expiration date speaks more to your character. Almost sounds like "I'm with them unless something better comes along or their shortcomings become more than I want to deal with". If you genuinely love someone, you will stand by them, work on any problems, and remember that you chose to build a future together. Given that the divorce ra…
You've completely misunderstood my original comment.
The process of meeting new people to establish compatibility is absolutely a numbers game. To expect to meet someone with whom you are compatible enough to spend many many years with just by meeting 3 new people is ridiculous. It's not impossible, but given the number of permutations of personalities it's extremely unlikely.
In order to find a suitable life partner, you need to be exposed to a large number of potential partners. Some people get lucky and hit the jackpot after meeting 5 people, others after 50, others still not after 200.
Also, divorce rate is not at all an indicator of healthy relationships. Religious or cultural taboos massively influence divorce rate, and there is plenty of evidence to show that the result can be people trapped in dreadfully unhappy marriages without any escape.
Re: I’ve been single all my life
#330Earlier quoted context omitted.
>He isn't ugly, short, or awkward so shouldn't be a virgin I've noticed this a lot: whenever a non-ugly person notes that they're perpetually single, the first thing people say is "What? But you're so handsome/tall". This strongly implies that one's physical attributes are the biggest predictor of sexual success. However when people complain that their lack of physical attractiveness is keeping them perpetually singl…
Attractive doesn’t mean you are somehow born attractive or unattractive. Sure, people win the lottery and get a bit of a head start, but most of it is charisma, how you dress, if you’re in shape, if you wear deodorant, etc. Attractiveness is a thing anyone can change by putting in effort.
Exactly - work on yourself, get yourself around other people, and interest will follow. Have yet to see this not work.