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I’ve been single all my life

lukasrosenstock.net

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Re: I’ve been single all my life

#161

Post by scrollaway »

throwntoday wrote: post #86
3m wrote: post #52

>Also, if it doesn’t work out, I’m scared of leaving a broken heart in another person. This is a telling statement. It really highlights his inexperience and immaturity with regards to relationships (not that this is in doubt - it is after all the subject of his post). Being the cause of, and the sufferer of a "broken heart" is a formative experience. There's nothing like healing a broken heart to teach you that actu…

> It's a numbers game I think to enter into a relationship knowing there will be an expiration date speaks more to your character. Almost sounds like "I'm with them unless something better comes along or their shortcomings become more than I want to deal with". If you genuinely love someone, you will stand by them, work on any problems, and remember that you chose to build a future together. Given that the divorce ra…

> Given that the divorce rate in my community is less than 1% we're probably doing something right.

Or something wrong. Low divorce rate doesn't mean low unhappiness rate. I know several men and women in utterly trash relationships, who'd be better off alone, but who stay married because "this is the way".

It's a mix of "must have kids at all costs" (even if that cost is the parents and kids having awful lives because they weren't a good match), and "must be and stay married at all costs if we have a kid".

Hey, I can't know what your community is like. But my guess, it's part of the many communities that have this problem. But that's not to disagree with your first paragraph; when you're with a partner, you do stand by them, you don't just treat them like a phone and upgrade to a newer and shinier model every few months/years. But also, you don't have to put up with them if you find out they're a terrible person.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#162

Post by shrimp_emoji »

TimTheTinker wrote: post #133
kayodelycaon wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So... how does one actually meet women?

Any place that facilitates meeting people in general and that attracts a high enough woman/man ratio. Where would you go to make friends of either sex? That's a good starting place.

Schools

Hospitals

Grocery stores

That's all I got.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#163

Post by maxbond »

quotz wrote: post #151
maxbond wrote: post #114

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women are not baby machines or objects of beauty, they're people. Their "greatest value" is whatever they decide it to be. They should form relationships in the way that brings them the most happiness. Reducing women to objects of beauty, saying their value comes from their fertility, and implying that if they disagree with that assessment it's because they're too emotional is almost the dictionary definition of miso…

Their greatest value to themselves can be decided by themselves. But if they want to date other people then their value can be calculated the same way a market of buyers and sellers of items calculate value. Its no secret men prefer younger and prettier girls. Its no secret women like accomplished men.

People are free to have whatever preferences they wish, but preferences are diverse (rather than being monolithic as you imply), and aggregate preferences are largely irrelevant - if my partner values my ability to do handstands, I need not concern myself with the popularity of handstands.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#164

Post by yodsanklai »

hombre_fatal wrote: post #83

I'd wonder how many women this guy (and guys who relate to this post) are incidentally meeting every week. When I was in my mid 20s after uni, it was basically zero. Just women at work, if even that. If so, this is basically the result you can expect and nothing is going to change until you get those numbers up. The common thread I see with guys not meeting women is almost never "I meet a lot of women but they never…

It gets increasingly harder as we get old, at least for me. Even doing activities, trying online dating, it's just difficult. I suppose when we're 40+, we haven't adjusted our standards yet, and libido is decreasing too. I reached the point where I almost renounced trying to meet someone.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#165

Post by shrimp_emoji »

carbine wrote: post #53
jakeva wrote: post #7

I haven't been single all my life, but the relationships I have had have taught me things that makes it easier to be single. I remember the good times fondly, but the bad times remind me why being single isn't so bad.

I'm a woman and have had long serious relationships and long-ish stretches of being single. Took me a while to filter through all the social pressure BS and realize that, on balance, I have been way (WAY) happier single. Maybe this could change one day? But right now I have no interest in changing it. It'd take someone extraordinary. I'm not 'poly' or 'asexual' or any of that crap, I've just had to give up so much of…

As a man, this take is based and hyper-relatable.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#166

Post by BirdieNZ »

atleastoptimal wrote: post #142
CoolioMqSo wrote: post #26

I felt like I had to say this FYI This guy isn't ugly, actually average looking 30yr old white guy, isn't short, is socially active. I honestly have no idea why this guy is still a virgin, im pretty sure he could find someone on a dating app if he got in shape.

>He isn't ugly, short, or awkward so shouldn't be a virgin I've noticed this a lot: whenever a non-ugly person notes that they're perpetually single, the first thing people say is "What? But you're so handsome/tall". This strongly implies that one's physical attributes are the biggest predictor of sexual success. However when people complain that their lack of physical attractiveness is keeping them perpetually singl…

Your reasoning sounds a little over-binary; both things can be simultaneously true:

1: Attractive people will find dating and securing a relationship easier than unattractive people

2: Physically unattractive people can still be very successful in dating and securing relationships, because there are many other impactful factors besides physical looks

So you can say without lying or deception "it's surprising that [incredibly good looking person] is perpetually single, it should be easy to leverage their looks into a relationship" and also "don't give up just because you're ugly, there are far more important factors to finding a relationship than just your looks".

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#167

Post by DoreenMichele »

amelius wrote: post #128
fernly wrote: post #99

I think the word that Rosenstock was searching for, was "Introvert"[1]. I'm an introvert who had the good fortune to marry another introvert, and live contentedly with her for 40+ years. Following her death a few years ago I reflected on the differences between being part of a couple, and being solitary. There were many. Health maintenance was one; somebody else in this thread has already commented on married men liv…

> "Introversion is the state of primarily obtaining gratification from one's own mental life". If this is true, then why do we find so many introverts in online forums?

At the risk of everyone wanting my head on a pike:

A. We don't really know what introversion and extroversion are.

B. The higher the IQ, the more likely they are to qualify for the label "introvert."

So in at least some cases, it's possible smart people just give up on trying to connect socially because they get a lot of negative feedback from other people and it's mostly downside for them, so they stop bothering.

Most people marry people within about 10 IQ points of themselves. If you are "introverted" because talking at most people is an extremely negative experience due to you having a high IQ, it's not unrealistic to shoot for finding a means to connect with someone of similar IQ in hopes of establishing a relationship. If your IQ is high enough, odds are good they will also be labeled "an introvert" by the world.

Please note this is not saying "introversion indicates high IQ." That's not what it says at all.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#168

Post by brigandish »

dangwhy wrote: post #159
JohnFen wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As someone wiser than me once commented -- nobody is going to knock on your door. If you want to meet people, you have to get out there and do things that put you around people.

> do things that put you around people. I tried skiing through which i met tons of people but very few single women. Tried bjj, no women at all. Hiking and camping groups, again no single women. I still do all of these activities but very few women. I've actually never met a woman ,single or otherwise, mountain biking, which is my main goto in summer. Truth is that women don't generally do a lots of activities.

Dancing, there are always women learning to dance and they far outnumber the men.

Re: I’ve been single all my life

#170

Post by hotpotamus »

all2 wrote: post #120
hotpotamus wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then with the right injections, he could make lots of babies?

Probably not? Dunno. Depends on the injections. If you're curious, YouTuber Vigorous Steve talks about this stuff in a great detail.

The purpose of increased desire to mate would be to produce more offspring though, wouldn't it?
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