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Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

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Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#101

Post by zamnos »

bl4ckm0r3 wrote: post #7

To be honest I have experienced this a lot in San Francisco, where people ask first what do you do, second where do you work and then what's your name...in Europe it really isn't the central part of the conversation and most likely the job doesn't even get mentioned in a dinner or a normal conversation with someone you met in a bar/club/wherever. It always shocked me how "what you do" defines the start of the convers…

It depends on who you're talking to in San Francisco, and everywhere, really. In my part of San Francisco, we don't ask the question what do you do, because that automatically slots you into one class or the other in the hierarchy, and so we intentionally avoid that in order to be able to interact without prejudice. Different scenes, same (tiny) city.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#102

Post by theshrike79 »

oh_sigh wrote: post #40
theshrike79 wrote: post #31

This is pretty much an American thing, the rest of the world don't build their identity on their profession or their political party affiliation that much. I've got close friends I've known for 20 years and I don't really know what they do for a living except for a vague idea of the field they're in. I don't care, since that doesn't define who they are.

This is pretty much a European thing, thinking if Americans do it and you don't, the rest of the world doesn't either. I'm 100% positive, through first hand experience, that both Indian and Chinese society put a heavy emphasis on the type of work one does. To the point where marriage may simply be out of the question for an individual if they don't hold a good enough job.

You're right. I didn't think about Chinese or Indian cultures at all. I stand corrected.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#103

Post by nemo44x »

TRiG_Ireland wrote: post #67

A lot of people in the comments are suggesting alternative small talk, like "tell me what you did this weekend" or "tell me what you're about (?!)". I don't understand the need for any of that. You're meeting in some social environment: talk about that. If it's a dinner, talk about the food, or the host. If someone has just given a speech, talk about that. If you're at a sporting event, or a mediaeval reenactment eve…

Finally, a normal comment. Reading these intricate strategies on how to talk with someone - it’s like being at a recovering social recluse convention sponsored by Social Neurotics Inc.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#104

Post by Symbiote »

plaguepilled wrote: post #91
somewhereoutth wrote: post #79

In the UK we do this as part of status negotiation - the second question anyone asks (after whats your name?) is what do you do? Then we can decide whether we are above or below the other person in the status hierarchy, which is roughly as follows: - Architect - Artist/Designer/Creative - Lawyer/Doctor/Teacher - Executive/Manager - ... - ... - Bar staff - Engineer - Software Engineer - Waiter - Driver - Cleaner

Architects are above engineers? I think this is a highly subjective list.

It is status negotiation, and not only is highly subjective but also varies depending on the age, social class and occupation of both people.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#105

Post by darkerside »

version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

> bad at giving concise summaries

This seems like something you could work on instead of implying it's other people's fault for asking you about a topic that they don't know they aren't interested in yet.

If you have a punchy 20 second description, and then ask what they do, you'll have pivoted away unless they want to bring it back.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#106

Post by johndunne »

rcme wrote: post #38

Wow... I had no idea people put so much thought into the most basic, mundane small talk.

It’s actually a craft… the Brits are masters of it… small talk to fill a moment, small talk to sniff your status, small talk to gauge how tolerant you are to off colour banter…

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#107

Post by impendia »

TRiG_Ireland wrote: post #67

A lot of people in the comments are suggesting alternative small talk, like "tell me what you did this weekend" or "tell me what you're about (?!)". I don't understand the need for any of that. You're meeting in some social environment: talk about that. If it's a dinner, talk about the food, or the host. If someone has just given a speech, talk about that. If you're at a sporting event, or a mediaeval reenactment eve…

I moved from San Francisco, where it was common to ask people "wnat do you do?", to South Carolina, where it's considered a little bit rude. For me, it was a painful transition; I no longer find it easy to get into enjoyable conversations with new people.

I've always found it difficult to talk about, e.g. food. "Isn't this food great?" "Yeah, it's delicious"! Similarly with the weather, or any other conversation where you're basically just repeating what's obvious to both of you.

Of course some people prefer it this way, and genuinely enjoy small talk -- they don't feel a need to be talking "about something". Far be it from me to piss on their parade. But if you don't understand this need, consider yourself lucky.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#108

Post by FrustratedMonky »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #79

In the UK we do this as part of status negotiation - the second question anyone asks (after whats your name?) is what do you do? Then we can decide whether we are above or below the other person in the status hierarchy, which is roughly as follows: - Architect - Artist/Designer/Creative - Lawyer/Doctor/Teacher - Executive/Manager - ... - ... - Bar staff - Engineer - Software Engineer - Waiter - Driver - Cleaner

If this is the emphasis, maybe that is why the empire fell.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#109

Post by verelo »

version_five wrote: post #88

When I did my PhD I hated it when (most) people asked about my research. It's not because I wasn't interested, it's because I'm really interested and was (still am) bad at giving concise summaries, so I felt like people who really didn't care and wouldn't listen to the answer were asking me to embark on a long explanation that required a bunch of preamble etc, just in order to make conversation. Anyway, I feel largel…

I try play a game when i meet a new person: see how long i can go without discussing work with them. The best new connections tend to take the longest to reach work, it’s often a signal of a lazy conversation starter and like you said just an attempt to size up our social status.

Re: Stop Telling Everyone What You Do for a Living

#110

Post by oesexe »

blitzar wrote: post #70
robga wrote: post #2

https://archive.is/MDbhu I’m in the “introduces himself by his field, leaving out his title and firm name” camp. When possible, I leave out the field too.

I'm in Waste Management.

Could you elaborate a bit on that?

Personally I think waste management is one of the coolest things to do. Everyone generates waste, and it is fwcking so much up for us.

An old Indian word for a sweeper (lowest caste sweeping roads with a broom) is Mahader - meaning ’the Greatest’.

I’ve done work at waste water treatment facilities, land fills, incinerators, to name a few horrible places; and as terrible the surroundings may be, it grants a special self esteem, wealth and ‘ordinary’ status will never fully give you.

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