31–40 of 249 posts
I've got close friends I've known for 20 years and I don't really know what they do for a living except for a vague idea of the field they're in. I don't care, since that doesn't define who they are.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
OT: Somehow, the spellchecker made a very ominous number on your comment.
I'm going to use the verb "to meat with someone" from now on.
Given how commonplace virtual "meet"ings are these days, I rather like the idea of a new homophonic homonym for in person "meat"ings.
Telling people what you do is more than just telling them your job title, it's also a great opportunity to tell them what motivates you about your job, and thus showing some of your values, which is pretty important when meeting new people and allows you to more easily form bonds with those that share similar values.
I work with computers, but telling people what I do has always been very tricky. They won't understand it anyway. As another comment said - in Europe it's not that common to ask what people work with. It's definitely not the first thing people ask. It comes much later, if at all. Fortunately. I got so fed up of trying to explain what I did that I started to reply "I'm a carpenter", if anyone asked.
Strip down any technical aspect of your daily job to figure out its actual social function. It has one. Whatever it is it'll help you figure out how telling what's your job to people, and even maybe to yourself.
If you are someone that tells other people what he does for a living and talk about work when meeting new people, stop doing that and reflect on why it's so hard to come up with something alternative[1]. No, it's not because a good chunk of your time is devoted to work or something about values reflected in the work you do(there is not enough "space" for that at work). Only insufferable humans cares about your title…
It sounds like you are over generalising from a limited set of experiences.
> reflect on why it's so hard to come up with something alternative
Same with this one. I for one find it easy to talk about things other than my work, but also find it that people enjoy when I tell them about my field and have a ton of questions.
The key is to live an interesting life and be a good story teller. These are both things which can be improved on step by step if that is your desire.
What I find especially annoying is that the fact that 'what do you do' is being asked by someone else - so it follows that if they were not interested in that topic, they would ask another question. Which means it's not the social responsibility of the person answering.
But wait, also, there's nothing cringey about someone having a hard time relaxing and talking more broadly. Everyone has a hard time in SOME social setting, and its not a big deal. This article reads like a designer clothes ad - making you feel bad to make you buy (or do) something.
Now I'm done whining, I think a much more constructive framing would be a title/topic like "Asking what people do for work isn't always best. Here are some alternative icebreakers". Or "Fit the mood - making smalltalk without work". That would have been a much better article.
This is pretty much an American thing, the rest of the world don't build their identity on their profession or their political party affiliation that much. I've got close friends I've known for 20 years and I don't really know what they do for a living except for a vague idea of the field they're in. I don't care, since that doesn't define who they are.
I'm 100% positive, through first hand experience, that both Indian and Chinese society put a heavy emphasis on the type of work one does. To the point where marriage may simply be out of the question for an individual if they don't hold a good enough job.