291–300 of 323 posts
A breakup two weeks ago is massive. So soon after I wouldn’t expect you to feel better than this, it’s good you don’t feel worse! Many people would. And when you’re ready I’d suggest thinking again on what your therapist is saying because they have a point. After a breakup you have an opportunity to do things 100% for you with no one else to please. As basic as choosing dinner and Netflix/streaming/torrent title or a…
King, I dropped out of my PhD (probably shouldn't have, but I don't regret it because the build back is going really well, I moved back from America, was unemployed for a few months). I know this will sound wildly out of order, but do start working out. It's been crazy how much of my self esteem and idea about myself changed. Like transforming your body will legit give you confidence about other stuff. Next is try to…
Exist. That’s what I did for a good chunk of my twenties. My life has changed dramatically since then. It’s hard to set a direction for yourself with that mode of living, so I pivoted from art school and joined the Air Force to focus on serving. I’m sure the work you do can positively impact the world. Find a mission and focus on staying busy with that. Finish your PhD towards that end and continue take care of your…
I'd accept that you are going to pursue getting over the line of the PhD even if it wasn't an ideal fit or your other misgivings about it. It's really just a piece of paper when it is all said and done, and it sounds like it will be a very useful piece of paper since you were in a prestigious group. Once you've accepted that will happen, you just need to set a simple plan of how to get there in one piece. Make sure y…
I do, I'm in decent shape and am determined to go to the gym every single day for the foreseeable future to get ripped.
I went from selling three businesses to being homeless on the street. I don’t think, unfortunately, there’s a magic solution. I can provide some generic advice about what helped me: 1. Determining who my actual support network was. I invested in my repairing and strengthening my bonds with my friends and family who had been there for me - and while not cutting ties with fair weather friends, deemphasized spending tim…
Thanks for the advice!
Earlier quoted context omitted.
What successful societies exist today without some concept marriage? I’m not aware of any, but it sounds like you have one in mind.
Ah you’ve introduced two other elements into the mix, and possibly have introduced the issue of conflation of causation and correlation. 1. What is a successful society? You may have a different definition but imho it’s one that hasn’t torn itself apart or causing active harm to itself. 2. I never said they didn’t have a concept of marriage, just that it’s not integral. Both those points however are dramatically affe…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Marriage is not all its cracked up to be. My divorce 1 year aniversary is this month, after being loyal and faithful for 12 years, I left due to abuse. I am now raising our child alone and I am so much happier now than I ever was while married. Marriage is societal cancer.
There exists no society at all without marriage. The reason marriage is absolute central in all cultures and civilization is not because it's been forced onto people by bad men or because people think it's better, the reason is that cultures or people who don't practice marriage die out quickly.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
If you are in a relationship with someone where the concern is losing half your wealth after 20 years together then I would advise not marrying that person. I make about double what my wife makes. If tomorrow she said, I want a divorce, then she can take half of what we saved over the 20+ years together without any issue from me (assuming infidelity was not involved, if it was I would go scorched earth). Anything I e…
> if it was I would go scorched earth Out of curiosity, why is that particular situation a red line for you?
I am very prone to emotional detachment so could adapt to being alone and be quite happy relatively quickly (probably within days). When my dad died I just flew up to my moms, organized the finances, organized the funeral and handled everything while everyone else mourned. I just moved on. I loved my dad a lot. I just detach. I haven't cried since I was a child. I'm not advocating one way or another for the healthiness of this but its just the way I am and see no need to change. Its allowed me to just trudge through things that should have shaken me up for months or years.
This is not a knock on my wife, she is amazing and I very much prefer her company to that of my own. I very much married up.
If someone does not confess immediately (like within a day) or cheats multiple times (even in the same day) or even worse has a lengthy affair I believe that is one of the worst things you can do to a person short of the obvious things like murder, violence, etc.
For me personally there can be no forgiveness. I'm not the moral police though, everyone is free to forgive as they want. If someone is cheated on and feels that its not a show stopper then that's their choice, I'm not them. This is very much just a personal thing, for which there can be no forgiveness. Divorce and separate lives is the only option. I would of course still co-parent (I would assume 50/50 custody) my kids with them and be civil (similar to how I interact with my kids teachers) but any emotional attachment would die. I would tell the kids why we are divorcing when they are old enough. This may just be a me thing its very easy for me to do the whole "dead to me" thing and just move on.
This is not a moral judgement on anyone else. People are free to forgive, pursue polyamorous relationships or whatever sexual agreements they want with the consent of their partners, etc. They key to all of these is knowing consent. My wife and I both know our rules around infidelity and its one of the pillars of our relationship.
Note: I'm writing very lengthy responses lately, I'm working too many nights and weekends and this is a distraction.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
There exists no society at all without marriage. The reason marriage is absolute central in all cultures and civilization is not because it's been forced onto people by bad men or because people think it's better, the reason is that cultures or people who don't practice marriage die out quickly.
To be clear, are you meaning strictly 1-to-1 "marriage", or are any of the many-to-one marriage types (poly, whatever) included? Am curious, as the Saudi's seems to be "going ok" (for the males) with their harem approach. Not so much for the females I guess (no idea). That being said, their society seems to have lasted that way for a fair while now.