Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#91

Post by doublerabbit » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:16 PM UTC

Applejinx wrote: post #69

doublerabbit wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, yes. Outside in, not really. If you've broken up with your GF, think life is shite and that's your rock bottom, then yeah you've reached your rock bottom. The floor where you tow it. However, I disagree and would agree that rock bottom in essence is where where the maximum achievable misery has been met. If life is a ladder, your still on that ladder, you can still progress. All you've done is fallen and…

Heh. I was briefly homeless some decades ago, and likewise had to give up drugs and drinking (actually, BEFORE becoming homeless) There IS no bottom so long as you're able to dig. There is no such thing as maximum achievable misery. It's just a question of whether OP is able to go on, and whether that is the lowest he could go is NOT at all an interesting question. I would say by definition you can always go lower, s…

I've been there. around 26, I wasn't in greatest mindscape. Lonely, fired from my job, crashed my car, credit card debt, took drugs, spiraled out of control, got arrested and six years later I now own my own apartment and just redecorated it with new carpet. I've had a harsh life but I turn 34 on Monday and I feel I've done well to be where I am and still not where I was.

Change is hard, to throw away everything and start from the beginning when it really isn't your fault is a path not many choose. I walked the wrong path, ended up in the wrong puddle which eventually lead down the wrong rabbit hole.

I am extremely grateful for the window of opportunity that exposed itself to me, for what I was given, the support I was given. And now all I want to do is return the such. I do what I can, when I can, how I can. I volenteer regularly, not to gloat, donate. It's hard. Its hard for everyone. I feel more balanced then how I was and now do feel I now seem to have a sense of urgency to fight for others who don't get such luck. Especially the animals.

We are in control of our destiny but are restricted from the freedoms we should have, with the world in dismay is concerning but it only takes one to start the shift back in to motion and change everything for everyone. Whether my dream becomes a reality, I better get back to coding.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#92

Post by convolvatron » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:21 PM UTC

dragonwriter wrote: post #22

prhn wrote: post #13

I'd agree with some other comments here that you are pretty far away from rock bottom. Rock bottom is a complete dismantling of your life. Failed relationships (romantic, friendly, professional, etc), lost job, bills piling up, apartment a disaster, inability to build a mental model that can cope with your current situation. It looks more like you're in a relative minimum. From what I understand about psychology a he…

> I'd agree with some other comments here that you are pretty far away from rock bottom. “Rock bottom” is whatever negative experience is sufficient to get you to volubtarily rethink and commit to changing the life choices that produced that experience. It's where you personally decide to draw the line, not some objective maximum acheivable misery.

Saddest pissing contest ever

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#93

Post by toomuchtodo » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:21 PM UTC

sicp-enjoyer wrote: post #90

toomuchtodo wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Evolve or die. Marriage is an unnecessary burden and construct in modern times. Love, date, cohabitat (non community property state), but the failure rate is too high (~66% of marriages fail) when the cost is similarly high. Warren Buffett says the factor which most contributes to your future wealth is who you pick to marry. Do you feel lucky? https://www.amazon.com/Science-Happily-Ever-After-Enduring/d...

> the failure rate is too high The rate dramatically changes with demographic, for example many of those were married young and did not complete education. > who you pick to marry The quote doesn't say whether :) Married men also tend to make more money and work for longer periods of time. There is a cynical view of whether that's good or not, but 40-50 year old single men don't seem to be a particularly successful d…

Married men live longer, but the last years are mostly garbage anyway. If you’re co-dependent or really need that companionship, autonomy and agency might not be what you’re optimizing for. Cashflow and wealth doesn’t buy love or happiness, only choices and freedom. Optimize accordingly.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#94

Post by normalhappy » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:22 PM UTC

> I also don't have a large social circle

Can you find a singles group to grow your network. They have tons of them at local orgs (churches or town clubs). Join one of these. I have a hunch that getting into a new crew may be what you are looking for since therapy is going a bit slow.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#95

Post by ly3xqhl8g9 » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:22 PM UTC

Don't rebuild: that version of yourself is forever gone [1]. Build another you: rebase mercilessly. Of course, one path to wisdom is to discover there was never an you to begin with: each morning we re-instantiate the memories and take on the goals of a past tyrant.

[1] Recent HN: The overfitted brain: Dreams evolved to assist generalization https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=35009509 In book form, check Jeff Hawkins' A Thousand Brains: A New Theory of Intelligence for a hint towards a new metaphysics of whatever being a person is.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#96

Post by sicp-enjoyer » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:22 PM UTC

toomuchtodo wrote: post #93

sicp-enjoyer wrote: post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> the failure rate is too high The rate dramatically changes with demographic, for example many of those were married young and did not complete education. > who you pick to marry The quote doesn't say whether :) Married men also tend to make more money and work for longer periods of time. There is a cynical view of whether that's good or not, but 40-50 year old single men don't seem to be a particularly successful d…

Married men live longer, but the last years are mostly garbage anyway. If you’re co-dependent or really need that companionship, autonomy and agency might not be what you’re optimizing for. Cashflow and wealth doesn’t buy love or happiness, only choices and freedom. Optimize accordingly.

Your comment cautioned against marriage for its "cost". Now you are talking about lifestyle preferences.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#97

Post by ccvannorman » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:22 PM UTC

* You are not alone * It gets better * Being self aware and making posts like this, reaching out, is a HUGE positive step and positive indicator for your own self love and care. Keep doing it * YOU ARE NOT ALONE :-] I can share my personal experience and listen to yours in more depth. Contact in my profile.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#98

Post by Balgair » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:23 PM UTC

I'll echo other commenters here on the PhD side, if that helps you out.

Nearly all PhDs are having the 'work' troubles you are, I sure did, all of my friends sure did, I don't know of a single person that hasn't had issues like you are having with finishing their PhD. Really, what you are experiencing is so common that I would be surprised at anything else.

If you can, talk with your advisor or committee and explain what is going on. I know most PhDs can't really do that, but it's worth a shot. Try to figure out the bare minimum, and just do that. Remember, your degree doesn't come with an asterisk that says you just barely got it, or that your advisor had to wrangle the committee to pass you, or that it took you 8 years to get. You just get a diploma like everyone else and a little hat just like everyone else.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#99

Post by dash2 » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:24 PM UTC

toomuchtodo wrote: post #86

nyokodo wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Marriages are fundamentally just a societal complication of a relationship - complete with dubious legal consequences and a not a sure thing that can end. Or, alternatively marriage is the fundamental glue of society and the germ of new life across the vastness of time and in basically every culture through disasters and war. One of these perspectives is fair to the most ancient institution.

Evolve or die. Marriage is an unnecessary burden and construct in modern times. Love, date, cohabitat (non community property state), but the failure rate is too high (~66% of marriages fail) when the cost is similarly high. Warren Buffett says the factor which most contributes to your future wealth is who you pick to marry. Do you feel lucky? https://www.amazon.com/Science-Happily-Ever-After-Enduring/d...

This is a very interesting perspective! I urge you to create a society or subculture which doesn't waste time on marriage. When it has lasted for at least one generation, come back and tell the rest of us about it.

Re: Ask HN: How did you rebuild yourself after having hit rock bottom?

#100

Post by toomuchtodo » Sat, Mar 04, 2023, 4:24 PM UTC

sicp-enjoyer wrote: post #96

toomuchtodo wrote: post #93

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Married men live longer, but the last years are mostly garbage anyway. If you’re co-dependent or really need that companionship, autonomy and agency might not be what you’re optimizing for. Cashflow and wealth doesn’t buy love or happiness, only choices and freedom. Optimize accordingly.

Your comment cautioned against marriage for its "cost". Now you are talking about lifestyle preferences.

My apologies, sometimes I forget connecting the dots must be more explicit. Tell me the lifestyle of someone who has their assets split in half and having to provide alimony/maintenance for (possibly) the rest of their partner’s life. I can only speak for my circle of social acquaintances, many divorced, all living terrible lifestyles because of the financial burden of divorce. Some got away with only losing half their assets and having to provide $3k-$5k/month post tax to their ex partners. Some, worse. One expects to have to work to death, and can never retire.

I’m just working back to first principals. You can be happy without the legal Russian Roulette of marriage is my overarching thesis, and I apologize again it took so many words to arrive at my point.