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I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

independent.co.uk

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Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#91

Post by yieldcrv »

somedude895 wrote: post #73
yieldcrv wrote: post #21

Earlier quoted context omitted.

About 5 years late on this observation Hinge has a leveling program just like Tinder does You didn’t escape, I’m glad you are entertained

It doesn't really matter, since you can strike up a conversation with anyone and don't depend on them swiping right on you.

roses in hinge are the same as super likes on tinder. both apps let you pay to send an optional message in conjunction with those things to higher leveled people (more attractive/popular) than you.

the recipient of a rose+message is just as weirded out or skeptical, has a ton of them, and has a ton of likes from people at their level. which is the reason their level is high at all. so you're just in their long list of matches, not standing out at all.

and outside of your own initiative, in both leveling systems, higher leveled / attractive people never see your profile at all to make a decision for or against you.

in all dating applications, many people have their notifications turned off, and actually forget to look.

if you have another way to meet people, consider more of that. its healthier mentally. the leveling system attempts to mimic the non-dating app attraction world, but is still hampered by how few physical inputs a dating app provides about a potential partner, compared to in-person selection.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#92

Post by dragonwriter »

raverbashing wrote: post #25
Brian_K_White wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

Men send "Hey" to weed the bots and fake profiles. It's that simple And even then, "hey" is a correct way of starting a conversation. Sure it can be improved, using something about their profile works better. Though to be honest, women who start with the "entertain me" mentality, that's a good hint that she's not going to work out.

> Men send "Hey" to weed the bots and fake profiles. It's that simple

That may be why some men do it, but that doesn't counter an observation that better results can be acheived by using that behavior as a strong negative signal.

> And even then, "hey" is a correct way of starting a conversation

In a zero-latency medium with non-verbal side channels, like face-to-face oral conversation, sure. In text media, even where I know I want yo interact with someone, I find it annoying.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#93

Post by dragonwriter »

xlii wrote: post #41

Passive strategy works well when men are young and/or horny. When horny phase wears off the same passiveness is a reason why marriages end. >In the digital dating sphere, “burning the haystack” means obliterating 99 per cent of the dating field immediately so that you’re able to see the 1 per cent that might be right for you (...) > There’s no shortage of men who want to date you, (...) the good ones are out there, t…

> So, soft way of saying that 99% of men aren't "good".

No, its a way of saying 99% of people on dating platforms aren’t right for any given potential partner.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#94

Post by dandelany »

mcv wrote: post #81
djmips wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You really can't see this being down voted for the (all) dudes are pathetic part?;

That "all" is your own addition, not present in the comment I responded to. Note that it was a man saying it. And I, also a man, agree: men who just send "Hey" to all women they can find are pathetic. It's a shitty, spammy way to behave on a dating site. It helps nobody.

Jeez, one usually has to do some bad things IRL to be called shitty spammy and pathetic, apparently all it takes online is saying “hey”. Doesn’t that seem a bit excessive for someone whose crime is not figuring out some rather subtle unwritten, untaught social rules?

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#95

Post by est31 »

postsantum wrote: post #71
est31 wrote: post #66

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah "hey" might just be a single word but it carries a lot of meaning: it asks for "are you really interested in a conversation with me, then please reply with a 'hey' of your own". It also says "I have time now to have a conversation, and I do want to have it. Want to chat right now?". It provides a baseline from which one can base how quickly someone is responding, which can be used to judge interest from the othe…

I feel like noticing avocado toast is not a big deal. It's just a way to show you are not a weirdo, a sanity test. You are not offering to fuck right now and you can undestand some basic laws of conversation - a date material!

I don't know, personally I have made the experience that the population which is not happy about a "hey" will likely be similarly unhappy about a message about an avocado toast, at least if that's the very first message. If the message is a few hours/days after a "hey" that might in fact increase its chances, for a multitude of reasons. But still, "hey" would be the first message in that instance.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#96

Post by onetimeusename »

erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else

I use different dating apps and regularly come across women with copypasted bios or also who just say "hey" if they initiate (usually they don't). I see other women complain about those same behaviors in their bios. I don't know what to say about that besides that she shouldn't speak for others but a lot of people who do things like that are potentially scammers also. I think women should be aware that dating apps are not easier for men and actually probably harder. Men face scammers and people who put low effort in too and maybe just saying hey worked for them before.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#97

Post by somedude895 »

yieldcrv wrote: post #91
somedude895 wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It doesn't really matter, since you can strike up a conversation with anyone and don't depend on them swiping right on you.

roses in hinge are the same as super likes on tinder. both apps let you pay to send an optional message in conjunction with those things to higher leveled people (more attractive/popular) than you. the recipient of a rose+message is just as weirded out or skeptical, has a ton of them, and has a ton of likes from people at their level. which is the reason their level is high at all. so you're just in their long list o…

Actually also gonna try speed dating. I got the idea from watching an old Borat skit so we'll see how that goes!

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#98

Post by mcv »

dragonwriter wrote: post #90
mcv wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely. There's definitely a risk in being too picky. You should be somewhat picky; you don't want to date just anyone, do you? But you also need to understand that nobody is perfect. As with job candidates, meeting 50% of the requirements is pretty good. The important part is that they've got enough to interest you, and that their annoyances (everybody has some) is stuff you can tolerate. Of course there are red…

> As with job candidates, meeting 50% of the requirements is pretty good. If a candidate (for anything) meeting 50% of requirements is “pretty good”, whoever created the list of requirements does not understand the concept of requirements.

That is very often the case.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#99

Post by mcv »

dandelany wrote: post #94
mcv wrote: post #81

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That "all" is your own addition, not present in the comment I responded to. Note that it was a man saying it. And I, also a man, agree: men who just send "Hey" to all women they can find are pathetic. It's a shitty, spammy way to behave on a dating site. It helps nobody.

Jeez, one usually has to do some bad things IRL to be called shitty spammy and pathetic, apparently all it takes online is saying “hey”. Doesn’t that seem a bit excessive for someone whose crime is not figuring out some rather subtle unwritten, untaught social rules?

If the result is that women end up swamped in these messages, then it is literally spammy. Sending everybody a "Hey" is no different from sending everybody any other sort of message, ad or otherwise, and calling that out is not excessive.

We used to all fight against spammers like the Spam King, because everybody suffered equally from that flood of unwanted messages. But because these minor spam lords only target women, it seems lots of men think it's not really a problem. If the people suffering from it think it's a problem, then it's a problem. And as far as I can tell, a lot of women on such dating sites do consider this a problem.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#100

Post by bjornsing »

hanifc wrote: post #86
bjornsing wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps. I could not agree more. It’s a bit disheartening to see somebody think through online dating to this extent, write an article about it and not realize this. Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote i…

> Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote in my profile “If you are not interested in a friendly respectful chat starting with a simple ‘Hi’ please swipe no”. Unsurprisingly it didn’t work… I find that it's better to mention what you do want rather than what you don't want. People seem to respond better to positivity than negativity.

So you mean they match with me out of spite? :P

I think the more reasonable explanation is that they don’t read the profile text: they look at the picture for 20 ms and ask themselves “do I want to be entertained by this peasant or not?” I know it sounds cynical, but I’m trying to take it with a bit of black humor.

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