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I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

independent.co.uk

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Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#71

Post by postsantum »

est31 wrote: post #66
postsantum wrote: post #27

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When I was using Tinder, I went from hey to elaborate openers and then back to hey. There are two reasons to it 1) Is photos are _way_ more important and the first message doesn't really affect the reply rate 2) It's a way to filter out recipients who think they are too good for hey or not going to reply anyway (window shopping or whatever they call it) >Dudes are pathetic That was subtle. I recognized the irony only…

Yeah "hey" might just be a single word but it carries a lot of meaning: it asks for "are you really interested in a conversation with me, then please reply with a 'hey' of your own". It also says "I have time now to have a conversation, and I do want to have it. Want to chat right now?". It provides a baseline from which one can base how quickly someone is responding, which can be used to judge interest from the othe…

I feel like noticing avocado toast is not a big deal. It's just a way to show you are not a weirdo, a sanity test. You are not offering to fuck right now and you can undestand some basic laws of conversation - a date material!

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#72

Post by [deleted] »

petodo wrote: post #61
LtWorf wrote: post #46

I prefer picky rather than: "This guy is disabled, so I can't reject him or I would be a bad person… I will go out with him but act terribly, so that he will reject me instead, leaving my status as a good person intact." Yes this has happened to me a few times. Despite my opening usually was something like "I've got this disability, if you're uncomfortable with that please just unmatch me right away".

So you say I should pretend I am disabled and they just found miracle cure prior the date?

[deleted]

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#73

Post by somedude895 »

yieldcrv wrote: post #21
somedude895 wrote: post #5

Another way is to use an app like Hinge instead of Tinder. The pool of people is much smaller, but the app makes it so easy to create an interesting profile with some personality. Plus the fact that you don't simply swipe but are actually incentivized to take a closer look at the profile and respond directly to one of the snippets, which also serves as an instant icebreaker that launches you straight into a conversat…

About 5 years late on this observation Hinge has a leveling program just like Tinder does You didn’t escape, I’m glad you are entertained

It doesn't really matter, since you can strike up a conversation with anyone and don't depend on them swiping right on you.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#74

Post by raverbashing »

bruce343434 wrote: post #38
postsantum wrote: post #15

This is just an advertisement of her "consulting". As for the "innovation", that reminds me of "Ask HN: I’m 41 and still unmarried – what should I do?" where OP went on dates with 120 men and rejected every single one

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31961992 721 comments

The top comment there is very on point

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#75

Post by mcv »

somedude895 wrote: post #5

Another way is to use an app like Hinge instead of Tinder. The pool of people is much smaller, but the app makes it so easy to create an interesting profile with some personality. Plus the fact that you don't simply swipe but are actually incentivized to take a closer look at the profile and respond directly to one of the snippets, which also serves as an instant icebreaker that launches you straight into a conversat…

> > If a guy can’t set up a decent profile or send a message beyond “Hey”, it doesn’t mean he’s too busy. It means he’s lazy, careless, or not actually invested in dating.

> This sense of entitlement grinds my gears though. Typically that's what women say who never make the first move.

I don't get why people see this as entitlement. It's just sensible. I'm a man, and I also don't respond when a stranger has nothing more to say than "Hey".

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#76

Post by mcv »

pizza234 wrote: post #12

This is the perspective of a woman. Personal experience as a man: > present yourself exactly as you are > be picky with this approach, I'd get exactly zero attractions, to put it in her terms, which doesn't reflect my real world dynamics.

It worked fine for me. I certainly don't want to date every woman, so I'm picky, and of course I present myself as I am. Of course if you're somehow an awful person, that is of course something to improve, and not something to hide.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#77

Post by WastingMyTime89 »

SavageBeast wrote: post #63

US based male here written from the perspective of Austin, TX. Your mileage will of course vary. Not being a user of Tinder et al. I can't say I have a lot of experience first hand but what I do know is a lot of women who are constantly swiping and such (I have a solid group of "hot" female friends to study - Im not sure this is a good thing as I've learned some pretty terrifying stuff about dating from them). They a…

Alternatively you can stop treating women as venal objects to conquer, dare to reject you, only out to be offered things by wealthy powerful men and just be a normal, well adjusted person.

I regularly strike conversations with the women I met just because as I do with any other person regardless of their sex and some of them even have genuinely interesting things to say. Strangely my dating life is doing fine despite being a very normal 30-something man who is neither a trader nor an athlete.

Reading this comments section, I'm starting to understand why women are tired of dating apps.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#78

Post by distant_hat »

mcv wrote: post #39
jeltz wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From my experience from using Tinder: no, most women try to appeal as broadly as possible and have low effort profiles and make low effort in general. It is possible that men are the same but I do not date men. And I get the same impression as she gets about men: that they are lazy and not interested in dating. > I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant…

Exactly. Of course you shouldn't be so picky that no mortal is going to meet your unrealistic standards, but you should definitely be picky enough to separate the wheat from the chaff. Appealing to everybody when you're really just looking for one person means you're taking on a lot of pointless work. Let people select themselves: make sure your profile is specifically about you, and not some generic person of your g…

Isn't that basically Bumble? All that happens is the woman sends a low effort 'Hi' and then expects the man to pick up the conversation from there.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#79

Post by mcv »

raverbashing wrote: post #74
bruce343434 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31961992 721 comments

The top comment there is very on point

Absolutely. There's definitely a risk in being too picky. You should be somewhat picky; you don't want to date just anyone, do you? But you also need to understand that nobody is perfect.

As with job candidates, meeting 50% of the requirements is pretty good. The important part is that they've got enough to interest you, and that their annoyances (everybody has some) is stuff you can tolerate.

Of course there are red flags that are immediate dealbreakers; don't tolerate those. But be prepared to find someone who may be completely different from what you may once have dreamt about, but who may still be right for you.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#80

Post by mcv »

distant_hat wrote: post #78
mcv wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly. Of course you shouldn't be so picky that no mortal is going to meet your unrealistic standards, but you should definitely be picky enough to separate the wheat from the chaff. Appealing to everybody when you're really just looking for one person means you're taking on a lot of pointless work. Let people select themselves: make sure your profile is specifically about you, and not some generic person of your g…

Isn't that basically Bumble? All that happens is the woman sends a low effort 'Hi' and then expects the man to pick up the conversation from there.

I would expect that to be as effective as when a man does it. At least with me; to the low-effort "Hey" men, a low-effort "Hi" woman might well be a perfect match.
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