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I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

independent.co.uk

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Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#11

Post by Brian_K_White »

erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

I never sent a "hey" or wink in my life. This is not some unreasonable bar. Every time I see my female friends inboxes I gag all over agaon. Dudes are pathetic.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#13

Post by yulaow »

Looking at aggregated stats like those on tinderinsight this is not an alternative way to date but exactly what most women do on dating apps and it's also an obvious strategy as soon as you realize that, as a woman, you have far more men competing for you (in my nation 91% of tinder users are men [0]) and most of them get quite desperate quite fast

If the situation was reversed we men would behave the same most probably

[0] https://www.netimperative.com/2019/04/05/online-dating-trend...

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#14

Post by jeltz »

erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

From my experience from using Tinder: no, most women try to appeal as broadly as possible and have low effort profiles and make low effort in general. It is possible that men are the same but I do not date men. And I get the same impression as she gets about men: that they are lazy and not interested in dating.

> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps.

Aren't you basically agree with her then? That once she moved away from a generic bland profile to actually putting some effort into it she got more success?

I am not sure I agree with her advice about being picky though, if you actually make a profile which appeals to the kind of people you want to meet I am not sure you have to be that picky.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#16

Post by rjh29 »

xupybd wrote: post #2

I've never used a dating app. I knew my wife for years before I asked her out. I can't imagine dating strangers from an app. What do you talk about? How do you get to know someone, one on one in a romantic context? Maybe I'm just too old.

I agree. I met my current gf online but on social media, so we commented on each other's posts first and built rapport. That made it easy to start a conversation and I didn't really have to compete with anyone.

I've had gfs on normal dating apps too but it's harder, you have to be very interesting or attractive, and competition is higher so you're less likely to meet someone really good. For me at least, it doesn't come naturally and incurs a lot of mental effort. It's probably not good for mental health either.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#17

Post by bjornsing »

erklik wrote: post #8

> One: present yourself exactly as you are. In fact, the fewer men you appeal to, the better. Two: be picky. Give almost no one a chance. Isn't this literally what already occurs? From the other side, it seems like this is exactly how most women are doing it? I don't see a lot of my female friends going on dates with every guy they match with (which is usually >200 so pretty hard to date 200 people), so they're rathe…

> I wonder if she's ever actually sent a message to someone else. This entitlement of "entertain me peasant" is one of the reasons why I deleted these apps.

I could not agree more. It’s a bit disheartening to see somebody think through online dating to this extent, write an article about it and not realize this.

Before giving up on these apps I actually tried what happens to be the OP’s main recommendation: I wrote in my profile “If you are not interested in a friendly respectful chat starting with a simple ‘Hi’ please swipe no”. Unsurprisingly it didn’t work…

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#18

Post by twelve40 »

seba_dos1 wrote: post #9
twelve40 wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> What do you talk about? How do you get to know someone, one on one in a romantic context? Not that hard, you just talk like, you know, humans, and you either hit it off or not. Why is that any harder/different from the awkwardness of asking someone you know (possibly forever) out for the first time? At least here both parties know exactly what they signed up for.

> Not that hard, you just talk like, you know, humans Sounds like you take your skills for granted.

Sorry, I'm really not claiming any skills. I've had good experience with the apps, my only takeaway is, if you reasonably loosen up and talk normal, and it doesn't work, then we click next, because no amount of pretend will work in the long run.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#19

Post by PedroBatista »

To be fair, pretty much every “alternative way to date” would work for 90% of women due to “market dynamics”.

Change the objective to long term and start a family for life then those numbers would plummet to low single digits. That’s my guess, but this is always a charged topic so I should have stayed out of it in the first place.

Re: I tried an alternative way to date – and it worked

#20

Post by yieldcrv »

My friend has an adaptation for women like this, and many other women too.

She was intrigued by thoughtful messages, and a lower volume of them

My friend added paragraphs of text to his phones autocorrect

like “a” could be autocorrected to an entire thoughtful and whimsical intro

Its an art

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