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The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

theatlantic.com

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Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#91

Post by simonblack »

foobiekr wrote: post #29
simonblack wrote: post #3

I've felt about 22 for decades. Probably until my mid forties, I felt I was only about 19. That leads quite often to the situation where you are looking in shock at some elderly, bald person in the mirror while thinking "Who's that old bastard?". Or the sudden realisation "My God! I'm only two and a bit years off 80!" As the article says, there's a difference between the age you feel you are 'in your head' and the ag…

Same. Once I started seriously considering retirement, admittedly a bit early-ish relative to the usual 65-70, the internal mental model of self has started to shift pretty dramatically, and the hypothetical "I have a lot of things i want to do" plans for the future now have the annotation "and a lot of them need to be done while I am still relatively young enough for them to be plausible." That has honestly shifted…

"I have a lot of things i want to do and a lot of them need to be done while I am still relatively young enough for them to be plausible."

Do those things that are 'on your list' as soon as possible. There is an old saying 'Life is what happens while you're making other plans'. I discovered that I had, in practice, a mere six (6!) years in retrospect where it was possible do do things that were 'on MY list. If you miss that window of opportunity, you'll never get to do your list at all.

You have to make to effort to fit them in while you can. One of my lifelong dreams was to spend a year or two in a small village in France. The first time it was a possibility was in 2003, but 'No, I have the responsibility to make us a living' meant that that chance was lost and so eight years went by - lost opportunity - until I finally made it to my village in France in 2011 but by then I could only spend time there in bits and pieces rather than as a single block of time.

My "window of opportunity" closed at the end of 2016, though I wasn't aware of that fact till about 3 years later.

Many times I have said to my wife, "If only we were 10 years younger, we could have ... bought an apartment in Paris ... or a house in Italy, or .......". Lost opportunities by the score.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#92

Post by wiredfool »

JALTU wrote: post #68

I wonder if others here found their mental age aging more rapidly after certain life events? The wake of aging parents transitioning (death, stroke/care home) has without doubt accelerated my mental age, which in turn has changed what I'd call my horizon. When younger and prior to said events, the horizon was far away; time enough for everything/anything. Not so much anymore, much greater sense of uncertainty.

My dad subjectively aged about 10 years when my sister died in her 30's. It was like a switch from Adultish to Elderly.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#93

Post by xyzelement »

yencabulator wrote: post #81
xyzelement wrote: post #35

I think this is just the aftermath (and also, ongoing) of boomer culture. Before that generation, you generally had kids in your late 20s and grandkids in your 50s. If you were 80, you were a great grandparent. All these titles conveyed an age. By the time you were those ages, you acted that age. Boomers I think invented the 40 is the new 30 and 70 is the new 50 nonsense, so of course they are confused about what age…

Just so you know, "haven't taken on the appropriate responsibility" really sounds like you are judging people whose life choices differ from yours. Nobody has a responsibility to procreate.

I am talking about responsibility as in being responsible for people (spouse, kids, grandkids in this case.) It's easier to "feel young" when you don't have that.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#95

Post by gabereiser »

zeroonetwothree wrote: post #39
irrational wrote: post #33

After I turned 50 I mentioned to my Mom that I still felt like I was in my early 20s. She said she felt the exact same way, despite being in her 70s. That was the first time I realized that the discrepancy between how old you are and how old you think you are might be universal. It also made me wonder if this might be why surveys show that in general men prefer women who are in their early 20s. Perhaps men are basing…

I would assume it’s more of a biology thing because women under 30 are more fertile. We evolved to prefer those markers that signify that age. Of course not all men have this preference etc etc

I completely agree but I also think it’s a little bit of ugg. Have you seen the people 40+ on dating apps or online? It’s definitely a flea market.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#96

Post by tenpies »

hnthrowaway0315 wrote: post #72
JALTU wrote: post #68

I wonder if others here found their mental age aging more rapidly after certain life events? The wake of aging parents transitioning (death, stroke/care home) has without doubt accelerated my mental age, which in turn has changed what I'd call my horizon. When younger and prior to said events, the horizon was far away; time enough for everything/anything. Not so much anymore, much greater sense of uncertainty.

I feel that after kid was born. Chronic sleep deprivation and depression are the reasons. Not sure when will nd hopefully not too long.

I found depression to be a two-edged sword in the aging department.

Mentally, I felt older, "an old soul". But physically, not having the energy to do anything, sleeping almost in excess, not going outside, not laughing or smiling . . . they all seem to have kept my body younger.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#98

Post by cwp »

I've had this basically my whole life. I used to joke that I was 16 going on 30 and everybody knew what I meant. Now it's going the other way.

Also, I have this for other people. I still think of my brother as 23, and I have to do math to figure out how old he really is.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#99

Post by whatevertrevor »

wiredfool wrote: post #92
JALTU wrote: post #68

I wonder if others here found their mental age aging more rapidly after certain life events? The wake of aging parents transitioning (death, stroke/care home) has without doubt accelerated my mental age, which in turn has changed what I'd call my horizon. When younger and prior to said events, the horizon was far away; time enough for everything/anything. Not so much anymore, much greater sense of uncertainty.

My dad subjectively aged about 10 years when my sister died in her 30's. It was like a switch from Adultish to Elderly.

Same for my dad when my grandfather died. He was 50 then but he overnight started feeling like 50+ instead of having the mid-30s energy to his soul even if certain parts of his body (joints mainly) were no longer cooperating.

Re: The gap between how old you are and how old you think you are

#100

Post by tenpies »

uonpopular_th wrote: post #85
dehrmann wrote: post #61

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When we're young, the world is full of opportunities. As we get older, the doors to those opportunities close, and fewer things seem possible.

Not really. There's just as many opportunities in every age, it's just that you've been burned enough times to realize that the majority of opportunities are nothing of the sort.

I think the better example is that when you're young, the world hasn't sorted you into a bucket yet. Education, university, and your first jobs are largely that process: figuring out in which bucket you'll fit in society.

When you're older, if you want to change buckets, there is no easy mechanism. Even going back to university is clunky. It's by no means impossible, but I do wonder if we're missing out as a society for not having a very formalized process for adults who want to change buckets later in life.

The other problem is for lengthy training periods. Giving up 10 years for education and training when you're 20 is acceptable. When you're in your 30s or 40s, why that's a substantial amount of the time you have left before society decides you are old and must retire.

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