Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Most young men are single. Most young women are not

thehill.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

221–230 of 300 posts

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#221

Post by medvezhenok »

red-iron-pine wrote: post #219
medvezhenok wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women have plenty of ways of determining whether someone is genuine or not. Some of the things have nothing to do with you whatsoever; this advice is merely about increasing the probabilities (i.e. card-counting in blackjack, if you prefer). A man living in NYC will have a better chance of finding love than a man in San Francisco purely based on the city that they live in - both could be very genuine people. The only…

> A man living in NYC will have a better chance of finding love than a man in San Francisco purely based on the city that they live in [citation needed]

Looks like I should have used Seattle instead of SF :)

https://www.quora.com/What-is-the-male-female-ratio-in-San-F...

Ratio of men to women (age 25-45) to save you a click:

Seattle: 1.5

San Francisco: 1.2

New York: 1.0

Chicago: 1.0

--------

How those statistics correspond to anecdotal stories:

"First off, to say that this is not an apple to big apple comparison is an understatement - it's comparing an apple to a bushel of apples. Add in the east bay, and NYC is only about 8 times larger then SF.

So, even without the gender skew, there are just a lot more women in NYC, and a lot more types of women. NYC is far far far more diverse on every axis / scale. There are also a lot more men, but since the population is way less self selected and homogeneous then SF, being a tech guy who makes good money is a big plus, not just average."

https://www.quora.com/Do-straight-men-find-dating-easier-in-...

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#222

Post by nradov »

4gotunameagain wrote: post #210
sw104 wrote: post #155

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think op has a point. Almost every woman I know, my wife included, expresses some level of disgust at the idea of an adult man playing video games. I don't think I know many women who are alright with a man who plays video games, let alone a man who spends 1 hour or more on it per day. A few friends of my wife REALLY complain about men playing video games (dating prospects and current partners). It's a double stand…

Women with double standards ? Colour me shocked :) It's the age old: men are told that they should do better, women that they deserve better (for whatever reason) It's sad to live during such tumultuous times. The lives of most people for the majority of time has been similar to the lives of their parents, and grandparents. Imagine the feeling of safety that this could bring. Now of course there were myriad other iss…

Historically people never felt safe. You're imagining an idealized period that never really existed. Read some firsthand accounts by people who actually lived during those times and you'll see they struggled with the same issues and worse.

As for men doing better, that's pretty easy considering how many men don't even bother to try.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#223

Post by medvezhenok »

red-iron-pine wrote: post #219
medvezhenok wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women have plenty of ways of determining whether someone is genuine or not. Some of the things have nothing to do with you whatsoever; this advice is merely about increasing the probabilities (i.e. card-counting in blackjack, if you prefer). A man living in NYC will have a better chance of finding love than a man in San Francisco purely based on the city that they live in - both could be very genuine people. The only…

> A man living in NYC will have a better chance of finding love than a man in San Francisco purely based on the city that they live in [citation needed]

I should have also added this is more true than average for Software Engineers.

Specifically, as a partner, you have to ask yourself what you are bringing to the table in a given relationship; if the answer to that is income/stability, it would make sense that a struggling artist will appreciate that more than a solid well to do professional with their own income. If the answer is crazy parties (or whatever other flavor of fun), you might have an easier time trying to find a partner who has stability and wants excitement in their life.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#224

Post by dennis_jeeves1 »

wollyhood wrote: post #43

I sincerely believe that I am a respectful, reasonably attractive, healthy, financially successful and emotionally mature person. I found dating so hopelessly difficult in America, that I decided to literally learn another language and relocate to another country. I felt like I had no future in America because of that. The difference where I am now is night and day. I have had to decline more dates and advances, whic…

>I sincerely believe that I am a respectful,

Therein lies your 'problem'.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#225

Post by medvezhenok »

I think what lots of people miss is the complementarity of relationships. You have to always ask yourself - what am I bringing to the table to a relationship?

This is why status is a universally attractive quality. No matter what the circumstances, if someone dates someone of a high status, it elevates the dater's status as well. Basically, someone wants to go to their friends, mention who they are dating, and wants the friends to be jealous (not really, but hypothetically).

Lots of people are frustrated because earning a good income used to bequeath status; however, with earnings gaps shrinking, income is no longer a good proxy for status as it once was. Also, status and income correlate, but are not the same. An artist working for Cirque du Soleil, for example, might have higher status than a Software Engineer at Google even though the latter might make significantly more money. One way to get an intuitive sense of status is the "wow" factor when you tell someone about your job (and another is the power you hold as part of that job, and how many people look up to you). Similarly, influencers have a lot of status independent of how much money they make via social validation.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#226

Post by b800h »

giardini wrote: post #199
b800h wrote: post #94

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Entirely possible that older men are going into second long-term relationships with younger women after already having had a child or two.

"There's a sucker born every minute." - attributed to P.T. Barnum https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/There%27s_a_sucker_born_every_...

Who is the sucker?

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#227

Post by medvezhenok »

schrijver wrote: post #182
readthenotes1 wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Isn't this what is reported by Tinder? That women get selected all the time but only the most attractive men get selected by women

Tinder wouldn’t report that, since it’s not very encouraging for their customers. The source most linked seems to be someone on Medium who interviewed people: https://medium.com/@worstonlinedater/tinder-experiments-ii-g... Dating apps don’t make their data available to scientists, that would be nice though! For sure life is more easy for hot people, off or on dating apps. It’s true in bars and clubs too. In settings…

Another interesting thing to observe is whether the premium for being attractive has increased in general because of the "shrinking of the world" effect via internet (i.e. attractive people have more opportunities now to be models, to work in branding, start an onlyfans and make money). Basically - whether it's easier now to "monetize" your good looks.

If that is the case, attractiveness has actually become a better proxy for social status/success than it used to be. I don't have data to back this up - intuitively it makes sense to me, but I hope someone out there is studying the effect.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#228

Post by nradov »

red-iron-pine wrote: post #219
medvezhenok wrote: post #209

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women have plenty of ways of determining whether someone is genuine or not. Some of the things have nothing to do with you whatsoever; this advice is merely about increasing the probabilities (i.e. card-counting in blackjack, if you prefer). A man living in NYC will have a better chance of finding love than a man in San Francisco purely based on the city that they live in - both could be very genuine people. The only…

> A man living in NYC will have a better chance of finding love than a man in San Francisco purely based on the city that they live in [citation needed]

Here's a citation.

https://www.kqed.org/news/11231284/does-san-jose-deserve-the...

In "Man Jose" there are 134 men for every 100 women.

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#229

Post by 4gotunameagain »

nradov wrote: post #222
4gotunameagain wrote: post #210

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women with double standards ? Colour me shocked :) It's the age old: men are told that they should do better, women that they deserve better (for whatever reason) It's sad to live during such tumultuous times. The lives of most people for the majority of time has been similar to the lives of their parents, and grandparents. Imagine the feeling of safety that this could bring. Now of course there were myriad other iss…

Historically people never felt safe. You're imagining an idealized period that never really existed. Read some firsthand accounts by people who actually lived during those times and you'll see they struggled with the same issues and worse. As for men doing better, that's pretty easy considering how many men don't even bother to try .

We will never know exactly how it was for the average person, so we might as well dream that it was better. Of course it wouldn't have been heaven, but maybe a bit less complicated at least ?

Re: Most young men are single. Most young women are not

#230

Post by [deleted] »

red-iron-pine wrote: post #216
wollyhood wrote: post #43

I sincerely believe that I am a respectful, reasonably attractive, healthy, financially successful and emotionally mature person. I found dating so hopelessly difficult in America, that I decided to literally learn another language and relocate to another country. I felt like I had no future in America because of that. The difference where I am now is night and day. I have had to decline more dates and advances, whic…

Are you a man or woman? Are you trying to date women? The implication is that you're a guy after girls, but that's not clear and I'm not sure what to take from that. And did you explain anything about why it is toxic , just a reflexive "it's bad mmmmmkay" and that you left -- but you didn't say what you went looking for, or what you found, and why it's better. Furthermore there is the "[probably rich] guy in a foreig…

[deleted]
Post reply on HN