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Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

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Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#101
post #50

Hey, OP! I just had a second child. First: congratulations, you have no idea how much you are going to love kids. They *will* change your life. Things you used to think were meaningful are going to seem meaningless to you. Here are some notes on "gear": 1) Get a really nice headlamp that can do a candle mode. This is going to be really helpful at 2:00am when you need to see where diapers are. 2) Get multiple bassinet…

Thanks for taking the time to put this together - really interesting, and stuff I haven't read elsewhere.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#102

Moms on call. And follow the schedules. It will work. This book is insanely popular among friend group which has probably had about 30 babies in the past two years. Every one of them that follows it is insanely pleased.

Thanks!

30 babies... You either have way more friends than I do or your friends are extremely busy!

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> - changing table in your bedroom Unless you want the child in their own room as soon as possible. If you can hear your child from your own bedroom having a room dedicated to the child is a good way to keep a little bit of space to yourself and your partner (and stop your bedroom from smelling like baby poop and wet wipes). Some people are into what's known as 'attachment parenting' where you keep the baby in a cot…

Can you elaborate on why you think that people who sleep in the same bed as the baby are "idiots"? In most non-western cultures, the mother sleeping in close proximity to the baby is the norm and anything else is considered quite unusual.

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Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#104

Howdy! Our baby girl is one month old tomorrow. Three books that really helped me: The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin - a handbook for all things labor and delivery, wonderful reference, and very cheap to get secondhand Cribsheet by Emily Oster - data driven early childhood decisions. Super helpful from one month to 18 months. Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman - skip the book and read the 100 point appendix for ma…

Oster is great, good data driven advice.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#105
First, congratulations! It's not easy to even get pregnant for some people, so awesome work there!

As per a list of 'to-dos', yeah, sorry mate, that's not how babies really work. I really wish it was, but it's not.

As the Dad, you're mostly just going to be supporting Mom through all this. Just remember, it's not about you, it's about supporting Mom and the baby for the next ~18 months. Mom's hormones are going to be real wacky until the due data and then ~3 months afterwards. She'll need support and calm strength. Just breathe, y'all will make it through it.

Honestly, you're going to spend those next ~18 months just cooking and cleaning for them (a LOT of cleaning).

Baby will tell you (hopefully) when it needs changing and feeding and whatnot. Your 'instincts' will kick in and help out there.

No two babies are the same. All the advice is mostly bupkiss. However, it is important to read it all. You never know when one of those bits of advice will come in handy. "No plan survives contact with the enemy, but planning is everything".

One VERY important thing though: Get on the daycare lists right now.

I don't know where you are, but the post-covid daycare landscape is really bad. I've have friends on lists for ~22 months. We were on a list for ~14 months. Your local area may be totally chill, or a disaster. You also may not think you're going to use daycare now, but change your mind in when the baby comes. Get on those lists now to have the option. And yes, daycare is crazy expensive, but personal home care is much much more so.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is bad advice. Parents are real people and need to work in balance with each other and the child. Sacrificing yourself only breeds resentment.

Honestly I disagree that it's bad advice. The advice I give to a lot of new dads specifically is that Moms #1 job is to take care of baby, Dads #1 job is to take care of mom AND baby. Even if the little one is formula fed, the weeks/months after childbirth are so difficult for mothers. Sacrificing yourself a bit, in my opinion, IS balancing the work. As time goes on and you have a toddler, things even out significant…

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Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#108

This is based on experience that nearly broke me almost ten years ago: - It’ll be fine, don’t stress every detail - Take care of yourself - Get enough sleep - Get enough sleep - Get enough sleep

In a similar vein, I would suggest preparing by exercising. Being a parent of young kids is more physical than you think, or at least I thought. Carrying them while carrying other things, carrying gear, lots of bending, general physical awkwardness, etc.

Re: Ask HN: Concise, pragmatic baby manual for first-time dad?

#110

Howdy! Our baby girl is one month old tomorrow. Three books that really helped me: The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin - a handbook for all things labor and delivery, wonderful reference, and very cheap to get secondhand Cribsheet by Emily Oster - data driven early childhood decisions. Super helpful from one month to 18 months. Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman - skip the book and read the 100 point appendix for ma…

Thank you and congratulations! I'll check those out.

Right back at you, my human. It’s a lot of fun to have a kid. You aren’t ready - but in the best way possible. You can’t imagine how much fun you’re about to have. Stoked for you.
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