Ask HN: Looking for advice on my situation at work?

This sounds right. Management may believe that they are severely underpaying their top performer and as soon as he starts interviewing he will see a huge offer that they cannot compete with. The new hire friend on the other hand is expected to stick around.

Bringing on a friend, telling them to learn everything the smartest and best engineer on the team knows, and them succeeding at it, honestly sounds like some dream situation. I wish I could just magically have people become a copy of the best engineer on my team

When people talk about nepotism its usually how the underperforming person with personal ties to a manager isn't getting fired, or getting promoted, despite having everyone else do the work for them

If this friend is actually just as good as OP, that's pretty impressive, without connection to OP that needs to ask for better compensation or start interviewing elsewhere

I asked ChatGPT to read your question and write an email.

Prompt: Read the following diary entry from a worker. Write an email he could send to his manager outlining his concerns. The goal of the email is to create a productive path forward for the employee to continue in their job while feeling like they are appropriately compensated and fully engaged.

Results:

Subject: Request for a meeting to discuss my concerns about my current situation

Dear [Manager's Name],

I hope this email finds you well. I would like to request a meeting with you to discuss my current situation and concerns at the company.

As you are aware, I have been with the company for the past three years and have consistently given my best effort in my work. In our performance review meeting last year, I was told that I am the best engineer in the organization. Despite this recognition, I have not received any raises or promotions in the past three years and my salary has remained the same since my joining in 2019.

Recently, there was an addition of another engineer to our team, who was brought on during the mass layoffs. I understand that this person has a prior relationship with you, which may be that of a friend. Despite there being no requirement for another engineer, I took it upon myself to train this person to bring them up to speed. However, since this person has learned all that I know, I have noticed a change in the behavior of my manager towards me and a lack of communication in our 1:1 meetings. Additionally, this person who I trained has now been assigned a lead role and is giving me directions. This whole situation has become toxic for me and is affecting my work satisfaction.

I believe that it is important for me to feel appropriately compensated and engaged in my work. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss this matter with you and find a productive path forward.

Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Best regards, [Your Name]

> I realize how easy it is to think everything that happens at the company and how it operates is deliberate and intentional.

There's a culture that ascribes intent --sometimes characterized as evil--, greed and other negative qualities to businesses. This often comes from people who have never done anything non-trivial in business and sometimes those who have been subjected to ideological indoctrination in school.

It's unfortunate because in the vast majority of cases, as you describe, this isn't the case at all. It is also unfortunate because repeating this falsehood can lead to employees not understanding that there is no negative intent and that, again, more often than not, bringing up issues is welcome in most organizations.

Yes, it is possible for something to become, to use the term introduced by the OP, toxic. That does not mean it has intent. Have a conversation, voice concerns. No employer would get rid of a valued contributor unless forced to do so (economic reality is one example of a forcing function).

Also, be sure your conversation is constructive. People used to online interactions --which can be incredible dysfunctional and unrealistic-- sometimes come to in-person conversations with a feeling that the conversation will actually be a confrontation. It takes two complete jerks to have the kinds of conversations in real life that otherwise-normal people are often seen having online. Do not be afraid to talk to a real person in real life, particularly in a business setting and one where you know the players.

That said, if you are truly unhappy and you can, maybe it's time to look first look around and see what else might be available. I remember making the mistake of staying at my first job too long. I didn't understand it at the time. I did understand it when I was offered double my salary by a company in the same domain. Same work, new challenges, double the income. Do not wear blinders. Sometimes problems push you to improve your standing in life, whatever that might mean.