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I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

lonelyworld.info

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Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#91

Post by creshal »

TheCowboy wrote: post #75
creshal wrote: post #54

Earlier quoted context omitted.

[flagged]

The idea that tendencies for extroversion and introversion somehow perfectly line up with partisan pandemic politics is quite a terrible take. It's also unreasonably hostile towards a lot of people and you might want to consider what motivates you to post such a comment here of all places.

In Europe, it wasn't very partisan? You had left wingers holding rave parties masked as "political demonstrations dropping the bass to drop the patriarchy" just as much as you had right wingers holding rave parties masked as "political demonstrations dropping the bass to drop the jewish conspiracies".

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#93

Post by swah »

senectus1 wrote: post #28

Is loneliness really such an issue? Maybe i dont have an issue with it because I'm an introvert?

I'm also an introvert, and married and have a son - and still miss having some friends for having a beer. Its another kind of interaction.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#94

Post by mach1ne »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #88
mach1ne wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah, few people understand that basic human communication abilities are actually not given, but learned. If an individual lacked the necessary comrades in their youth they might actually be incapable of forming proper relationships, at all. The skills do come with practice, but that requires a great deal of discomfort, since you're knowingly putting yourself in situations which most likely do fail miserably due to y…

> If an individual lacked the necessary comrades in their youth they might actually be incapable of forming proper relationships, at all. I think the struggle for a lot of adults is not in the interaction or in the start but in the maintaining relationships. This is easy in school and university because of the free time and co-location, the challenge is to do it when we all go our separate ways. In that sense I do fe…

Sure, but I think that's a different kind of loneliness than that of lonely people who have practically never had a proper friendship in their lives.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#95

Post by pjerem »

ThinkBeat wrote: post #53

Loneliness is increasing rapidly, and it is becoming a major issue. Studies show that it can lead to or increase the risk of increased obesity, substance use disorder, risk of depression, cardiovascular disease, risk of high blood pressure, and high cholesterol. It is also something people feel great shame over. I remember when i started my loneliness group on Facebook. I then posted it existence in a large group for…

> He was an extreme extravert

Yes probably :) But also an asshole, if you allow me to be polite.

Extraversion is not an excuse to not having the bare minimum of empathy.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#96

Post by hasbot »

RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

You say read "Say What You Mean" but there are multiple books with a title containing that phrase. Can you disambiguate?

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#97

Post by trompetenaccoun »

fiala__ wrote: post #79
ranting-moth wrote: post #78

I'd like a website to find people with same/similar hobbies. Not a dating site, just to find other geeks around me.

sites like meetup.com or reddit can be great for that sort of thing

I made the mistake of organizing a meetup through reddit once. The people that showed up were weird and socially awkward. Not saying that to hate on the site, it's just something I'll definitely never do again. Meetup is slightly better because it's more of a mixed bag but you still regularly get creepy or annoying people.

The problem with all these sites for using them to meet people imo is that they're too open. If you spent the time to get to know everyone you want to meet it would probably be fine but at that point you'd have spent hours upon hours forming virtual friendship, which to me defeats the purpose of casual meetups.

I'd love a site that lets you set strict and sophisticated filters. Maybe with the option to quiz users and sort out those who can't give interesting answers to certain questions. Not sure why no one's attempted to make that yet, the obvious advantage of the digital world is that we can go through large numbers of individuals, filter the noise and match exactly the ones that are suitable for each other based on shared interests. Yet the best we got is swiping left or right based on someone's photoshopped profile picture?

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#98

Post by Pentamerous »

idiocrat wrote: post #56

The Hedgehog's dilemma is relevant for loneliness. From Wikipedia: "The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is a metaphor about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs seek to move close to one another to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp spines. Though they all…

I remember learning about this from Neon Genesis Evangelion. It was also so carefully explained there as central to the characters plot

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#99

Post by whstl »

brewdad wrote: post #73
nicbou wrote: post #62

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I see this advice a lot, and it's probably good advice, but my experience differs. When I travel solo, I become much more introverted. I think that being in your own head has a stickiness to it, so if you're in it for a while, it's hard to snap out of it. You can also be quite weary after a day on the road. You might also find solo travel difficult when you're around other people. I love solo travel when I'm in natur…

Maybe look at the culture of the people where you are traveling to if looking to break out of a shell of your own creation. Sitting at a bar in Ireland good. Sitting at the same bar in Sweden or Seattle bad.

I have a story related to this. It wasn't a bar, I was in Germany traveling without set destination by train (thanks, 9 euro ticket).

However, the stereotypically cold Germans were actually highly receptive of a random stranger talking with them. I was invited to changed destinations a few times to hang out in random cities, and started a couple friendships.

Of course those were also people taking advantage of the 9 euro ticket, so there's a lot of selection bias here. :)

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#100

Post by dorkwood »

dukeofharen wrote: post #61
RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

I also suffered from a bad case of social anxiety. It probably does not work for everyone, but what really helped me was just going away for 4 weeks. I just returned from my holiday and forced myself to stay in hostels. I was terrified before (having to socialize with unknown people, blegh), but it has been amazing and am really looking forward to doing something like this again. Again, I know it does not work for ev…

I did this when I was younger. I wouldn’t recommend it unless you have a specific plan on how you’re going to challenge your fears each day. I stayed in hostels for four weeks and only really managed to talk to a couple of people. The rest of the time I was by myself.
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