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I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

lonelyworld.info

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Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#61

Post by dukeofharen »

RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

I also suffered from a bad case of social anxiety. It probably does not work for everyone, but what really helped me was just going away for 4 weeks. I just returned from my holiday and forced myself to stay in hostels. I was terrified before (having to socialize with unknown people, blegh), but it has been amazing and am really looking forward to doing something like this again.

Again, I know it does not work for everyone, but sometimes throwing yourself in the deep, away from your own comfortable home situation, works wonders.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#62

Post by nicbou »

dukeofharen wrote: post #61
RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

I also suffered from a bad case of social anxiety. It probably does not work for everyone, but what really helped me was just going away for 4 weeks. I just returned from my holiday and forced myself to stay in hostels. I was terrified before (having to socialize with unknown people, blegh), but it has been amazing and am really looking forward to doing something like this again. Again, I know it does not work for ev…

I see this advice a lot, and it's probably good advice, but my experience differs.

When I travel solo, I become much more introverted. I think that being in your own head has a stickiness to it, so if you're in it for a while, it's hard to snap out of it. You can also be quite weary after a day on the road.

You might also find solo travel difficult when you're around other people. I love solo travel when I'm in nature, but Friday nights in cities can be dreadful.

Still, you will meet people. You don't have to be extroverted, just open to talk. If you're not curious, other people will be. They'll throw you the ball. You just have to throw it back. Bless these people.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#63

Post by nicbou »

bubblic wrote: post #59
RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

What if I framed it as “helping people with what I can offer”? I am one person with one set of experiences. I would not claim to know what causes loneliness for everyone, and the helping hand that I offer might be of no help to many. But I try my best, based on my personal experience of loneliness and what I had wished to be there when I was lonely, maybe I can build something for that other person who may be going t…

That's a lovely approach to the situation.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#64

Post by nicbou »

noobermin wrote: post #23

I was very lonely for my college years because I lived in a religious uni that was far away from any city, partly because the mission school I went to (went to school outside of America) offered tuition scholarships to go there. Within the first year of leaving to an actual city, I lost my virginity, had my first successful relationship, and generally found my place in the world. People underestimate how much mundane…

The opposite is also true. I help immigrants deal with various issues, and loneliness is a major issue most of them face in the first 18 months.

If you move to a new place without any contacts, and you don't speak the local language, and the locals are not famous for their warmth, you struggle.

The problem is that there is no step by step solution that works for everyone. We all have different ways to put ourselves out there.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#66

Post by RamblingCTO »

TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #57
RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

Were you an only child by chance?

Quite the opposite ;) why?

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#67

Post by RamblingCTO »

bubblic wrote: post #59
RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

What if I framed it as “helping people with what I can offer”? I am one person with one set of experiences. I would not claim to know what causes loneliness for everyone, and the helping hand that I offer might be of no help to many. But I try my best, based on my personal experience of loneliness and what I had wished to be there when I was lonely, maybe I can build something for that other person who may be going t…

Sorry, I wasn't thinking about your app ;) I'm talking about social media apps, texting apps etc. I think your app could actually help someone feel good, maybe not in the long run, but a small moment of connection could go a long way. So keep at it and good luck!

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#68

Post by RamblingCTO »

dukeofharen wrote: post #61
RamblingCTO wrote: post #55

What the discussion about loneliness almost never talks about is skills that people that are lonely might lack or any mental health issues they might have. I had a very strong social anxiety 10 years ago. I never left the house. I lacked the skills to cope with that. (Therapy in that case helps.) If you're lonely because you don't know how to connect with people, that's an even easier skill to acquire (i.e. read "say…

I also suffered from a bad case of social anxiety. It probably does not work for everyone, but what really helped me was just going away for 4 weeks. I just returned from my holiday and forced myself to stay in hostels. I was terrified before (having to socialize with unknown people, blegh), but it has been amazing and am really looking forward to doing something like this again. Again, I know it does not work for ev…

I read that exposure therapy is one of the most solid tools in psychotherapy. So what you're doing is is exactly that! Travel helped me as well, coincidentally. Going alone on a train tip to the arctic circle for example. Staying in hostels. I met so many new people, that was really awesome. I'm glad to hear your doing better!

I also think that if you're avoidance strategy is withdrawing from social life, changing your location and not staying in all day is the key ingredient. You can't get your needs met at home.

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#69

Post by bubblic »

codingminds wrote: post #58
bubblic wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It jumps to random places because a new person just logged their location! I wanted to make the whole experience dynamic and real. It worked well when there weren't so many people logging their location all at the same time haha I will need to add features to: make toggle more user friendly; and have option to make the map jump around or not. Thank you for feedback!

I suggest to disable the map jump by default or make that information very prominent in the map. This way it felt very broken and frustrating. But a nice idea :)

I just turned off map-jumping for now. You should now have uninterrupted map-scrolling experience. Please refresh the page for the updated version. Sorry for the confusion :P

Re: I made a website for lonely people, and got >100 people to log their locations

#70

Post by bubblic »

RamblingCTO wrote: post #67
bubblic wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What if I framed it as “helping people with what I can offer”? I am one person with one set of experiences. I would not claim to know what causes loneliness for everyone, and the helping hand that I offer might be of no help to many. But I try my best, based on my personal experience of loneliness and what I had wished to be there when I was lonely, maybe I can build something for that other person who may be going t…

Sorry, I wasn't thinking about your app ;) I'm talking about social media apps, texting apps etc. I think your app could actually help someone feel good, maybe not in the long run, but a small moment of connection could go a long way. So keep at it and good luck!

No offense taken! I just wanted to share where I was coming from, and the future readers of this post would get a better context this way anyways.

Hopefully I can go further than making people feel good momentarily. I will think and work endlessly for that end.

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