Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

academia.stackexchange.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

391–400 of 659 posts

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#391

Post by troupe »

makeitdouble wrote: post #373
troupe wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It is weird when people take a class specifically because of that reason though. Really? I know people who specifically chose their entire major based on the ratio of women in that major.

I assume you are using that phrasing as a proxy for "they want to date". To note, chosing a field with higher ratio of women can be good for completely different reasons. After spending years in almost 100% male environments, moving to more balanced and diverse environments was like night and day, the toxicity was mostly gone, discussions and communication would be more interesting etc. I heard the same for women mov…

In this case the student wanted to eventually get married and figured his chances were less if he was spending most of his time in classes of mostly males. So it was more of thinking that if he choose a degree path that resulted in fewer female friends, his odds of meeting the right person to marry were lower.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#392

Post by lazide »

lelanthran wrote: post #360
lazide wrote: post #246

Earlier quoted context omitted.

According to one person anyway. We haven’t surveyed the class, correct?

> According to one person anyway. We haven’t surveyed the class, correct? No, according to the complainants, there has been no unwanted advances. IOW, the people who object to this have said that there have been no unwanted advances. Why are you assuming that poor behaviour won't be reported by the complainants when they complain ?

Because the people complaining aren’t reporting poor behavior, but your own admission?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#393

Post by bitmunk »

type-r wrote: post #372
bitmunk wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let's change the subjects from "horny upperclassmen" to "MLM representatives that want to get new suckers". Would you be fine with going to a class where a significant percentage of people are trying to get you to sell Amway products? And they don't give a damn about the class?

I mean, yeah? If it turned into harassment then no, but the post itself says that's not happening. How is this any different from Bob talking your ear off about some hobby that he has that you have absolutely zero interest in? You just don't listen or tell him directly you don't care. This thread makes me feel like I'm going insane, this is basic human interaction.

Let's say there's 20 Bobs in your class, and they are pushy, not pushy because that would be harrasment ;) Also the Bobs don't give a shit about the class, they just got in to talk about [INSERT ANNOYING HOBBY].

It's totally okay if you say something that's totally not equivalent.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#394

Post by lazide »

cpach wrote: post #333
lazide wrote: post #237

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do you assume the women aren’t as interested in dating as the men? Seems pretty sexist frankly.

The guys mentioned opted to audit the class with the explicit purpouse of flirting. I think we can assume that most freshmen did not share that explicit purpose for taking the class.

According to someone who isn’t them, correct?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#395

Post by sacnoradhq »

Sounds more like she's whining about creative reuse of open data.

Most US universities are 60% undergraduate women.

She should be glad some men actually want to socialize because US society is pushing most men into feeling "bad" about themselves and saying they're "stupid".

Philip Zimbardo wrote several books on the subject "Boy, Interrupted", "Man, Interrupted", "Man: Disconnected" and has a TED talk on the subject.

If she didn't want her university/class to be a dating service, she should go teach at nursing homes or become a nun. According to Thomas J. Stanley, a microeconomics wealth researcher, most millionaires met their spouses in college. Where do you think Google's founders met their wives, the DMV? No, Stanford parties.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#396

Post by cpach »

fastball wrote: post #172
User23 wrote: post #111

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women signal interest or a lack thereof in a thousand ways. Picking up on that is a basic social skill and like all skills some persons are more capable than others.

Keeping track of a thousand subtle signals is a "basic" social skill?

If you want to learn it, just practice. It will take time. It will probably be worth it.

BTW, I’m not talking about PUA stuff here. Rather, I would think of it as practising the art of conversation, and cultivating a curiousness about other people.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#397

Post by Mountain_Skies »

I took weightlifting as my PE elective in college, and it was full of young women. I made a comment about this to the instructor one day and he said it's always like that. The young ladies sign up for weightlifting because they think it's going to be full of buff men but instead it's 75% women and the 25% of the class that's men are out of shape and taking the class because they want to get fit. Already buff guys just go to the gym and don't bother with the class.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#398

Post by zozbot234 »

boppo1 wrote: post #311
xupybd wrote: post #277

Earlier quoted context omitted.

While this is true, you have a lot more control over this than you may realize. Especially if you're a male seeking a female. Most men think they same physical characteristics they're interested in will be appealing to the opposite sex. There are many physical traits that women prefer but they're less shallow than us men. Confidence and the ability to talk are huge. You're social status among your peer group. How wel…

Oh I'm plenty aware. I wish someone had explained it to me when I was 16 though. "There's truly nothing you can do today to change her mind. All the things that would have made her say 'yes' are things you had to start working on 2 years ago. Today you can start working on who you will be in 2 years and persuading the girl you meet then to say 'yes'."

I disagree that guys will only see results from self-improvement in two years; there are behavioral changes that should be mastered immediately. Learning to treat women with proper respect and still come across as attractive to them can be highly beneficial, and is not exactly something that society strives to teach. The earlier you master this, the better.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#399

Post by type-r »

hnuser0000 wrote: post #79

A lot of you are okay with this?

>Lots of creeps here in the comments too. Some might call a 22 year old pretending to be helpful to younger 17 year olds for their ulterior motives, "grooming".

The age of consent is 16 in 16-33 states in the US (depending on how you count), and 17 in another 5. Wild to be labeling what is legal behavior in much of the country as "grooming."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_consent_in_the_United_...

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#400

Post by bitmunk »

baryphonic wrote: post #331
bitmunk wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Let's change the subjects from "horny upperclassmen" to "MLM representatives that want to get new suckers". Would you be fine with going to a class where a significant percentage of people are trying to get you to sell Amway products? And they don't give a damn about the class?

> Would you be fine with going to a class where a significant percentage of people are trying to get you to sell Amway products? And they don't give a damn about the class? Yes? I'm capable of saying no, even aggressively when people don't get the hint. I've even done it in the past, numerous times.

Would you find their behaviour acceptable? Would you find it positive?
Post reply on HN