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Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

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Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#311

Post by boppo1 »

xupybd wrote: post #277
boppo1 wrote: post #253

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Rule 1. Be attractive. Rule 2. Don't be unattractive. It's not a joke.

While this is true, you have a lot more control over this than you may realize. Especially if you're a male seeking a female. Most men think they same physical characteristics they're interested in will be appealing to the opposite sex. There are many physical traits that women prefer but they're less shallow than us men. Confidence and the ability to talk are huge. You're social status among your peer group. How wel…

Oh I'm plenty aware. I wish someone had explained it to me when I was 16 though.

"There's truly nothing you can do today to change her mind. All the things that would have made her say 'yes' are things you had to start working on 2 years ago. Today you can start working on who you will be in 2 years and persuading the girl you meet then to say 'yes'."

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#312

Post by ShredKazoo »

Spivak wrote: post #216
fzeroracer wrote: post #82

It's so weird to see people defend this because this seems like fairly textbook power harassment. If this was to occur at work where some managers were organizing their pods or such so that they're the only man in a group of women for the sake of dating it would clearly be seen as a problem. If the story is true, people auditing courses should be treated with a higher level of responsibility. Giving preferential trea…

Thank you! Fuckin’ a, I can’t believe I had to scroll down this far to find someone who actually understands the dynamic here. People help each other out and study together in college courses. These guys know that and are orchestrating the situation to position themselves as a valuable resource to their female classmates and selectively dole it out based on their desire to (generously) date them or (realistically) sl…

>I can’t even imagine how pissed I would be if I found out a guy I was talking to used that app. Like oh cool you’re not actually helping me because we’re classmates taking the same course together, this is actually some weird scheme where we trade tutoring for “access” to me but I’m of course not allowed to know this arrangement because it would expose how gross the whole idea even is.

I think you should recognize that your feelings aren't necessarily representative of all women. Women vary a fair amount in the ways that they want men to approach them:

>I mentioned to several of the people I interviewed for this piece that I’d met my husband in an elevator, in 2001. (We worked on different floors of the same institution, and over the months that followed struck up many more conversations—in the elevator, in the break room, on the walk to the subway.) I was fascinated by the extent to which this prompted other women to sigh and say that they’d just love to meet someone that way. And yet quite a few of them suggested that if a random guy started talking to them in an elevator, they would be weirded out. “Creeper! Get away from me,” one woman imagined thinking. “Anytime we’re in silence, we look at our phones,” explained her friend, nodding. Another woman fantasized to me about what it would be like to have a man hit on her in a bookstore. (She’d be holding a copy of her favorite book. “What’s that book?” he’d say.) But then she seemed to snap out of her reverie, and changed the subject to Sex and the City reruns and how hopelessly dated they seem. “Miranda meets Steve at a bar,” she said, in a tone suggesting that the scenario might as well be out of a Jane Austen novel, for all the relevance it had to her life.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex...

There's no good way to predict in advance whether for a given woman and a given situation, she will find it to be gross vs romantic comedy meet-cute.

Hold a door open for a woman and her reaction could be anything from "woohoo I guess chivalry isn't dead!" to "what a patriarchical misogynist!"

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#313

Post by jimbokun »

stavros wrote: post #92
soulofmischief wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's definitely acceptable for women to hit on men, in fact there is currently a double standard in place in many cultures. Two days ago at a party I saw a woman sexually harass multiple men without any repercussions, and she constantly apologized afterwards which somehow made it ok to continue the behavior all night. Yes, that person clearly has unresolved issues to work on but the double standard is there and it's…

"Acceptable" may have been the wrong word, I more meant "normalized", sorry.

How would it at all benefit women over the status quo?

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#314

Post by undersuit »

I'm quite worried that the sexual motivations of young people being subverted by insincere programs is only going to increase as we become more connected.

On Twitter there are a number of male personalities with incredibly toxic tendencies. Andrew Tate and Sneako are topics that draw in an inordinate amount of unnatural attention. Bots or equivalents stalk those keyword names. Mention those male role models, even without a @ mention, and your tweet will be swarmed with responses.

I stumbled upon a subreddit called transmaxxing through some Astroturfing on Twitter. It weird, they still talk about women as objects but they also couch the actions under capitalist terms like value, extract, access. It's all very concerning and I hope no one falls for the propaganda they are spreading.

Sex sells... but I just don't know what these people are actually buying.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#315

Post by ImaCake »

ZephyrBlu wrote: post #288
ImaCake wrote: post #261

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why does the amount of effort make things better? By the same measure we would say spying on someone with binoculars is more acceptable than stalking their facebook page.

Effort is generally a pretty good proxy for respect. If this isn't a respectful attempt, can you explain what is a respectful attempt? You go to a class, offer to help a girl and then at some point later (End of the class, etc) you ask for her number. If she says no at any point you leave her alone. What's disrespectful about that if you're genuinely helping her? Of course if you're leering and won't leave a girl alo…

>Effort is generally a pretty good proxy for respect

My example above says otherwise.

>can you explain what is a respectful attempt?

One done in good faith. Which is a slippery and vague concept. The ambiguity would explain the state of this comment section.

>taking a class and offering help to attractive girls isn't inherently disrespectful

I, and others, would consider the crucial point here to be "taking the class" because there will be attactive girls there, to be the disrespectful part. It also matters that this is being done on a mass scale, so that many suitors are disrupting the studies of many students at the same time.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#316

Post by xupybd »

wilsonnb3 wrote: post #285
bruce511 wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like (as an old person) trying to tell youngsters how to behave at college, seems, well likely to fall in deaf ears. But I'm not sure your point holds water. If women want to date, they can. If they don't want to then they don't have to. These other students hold no power, assign no grades, and so on. Perhaps the root issue is the demoralization of some not being offered dates or extra tutoring? But it's hard…

> These other students hold no power A key point is that these students do have power because they already know the coursework. That is the whole reason that they chose these specific classes.

That's a pretty weak hand really. It's not like they're in competition with the other students. They're also offering to help pass on that knowledge in exchange for attention from women. That's not a power move.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#317

Post by lelanthran »

jhanschoo wrote: post #198

I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class: > number of female students have approached me, noting they are disgusted and uncomfortable with the amount of leching taking place > It's also demoralizing several of them, since we routinely have cases where a young man is leading open labs as if they're a teacher themselves (in order to "wow" their female classmates, offer "…

> I'm appalled that so many other commenters don't see an issue with such behavior in class:

>> No unwanted advances

It seems very appalling when you focus on the bits you don't like and ignore the bits like "no unwanted advances".

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#318

Post by troupe »

texaslonghorn5 wrote: post #272
troupe wrote: post #223

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Richard Feynman choose to learn Portuguese instead of Spanish because there was a pretty girl in the Portuguese class line.

considering what we know about Richard Feynman's personal life, I'm not sure this is the great example you think it is.

Good point. Just saying that considering who you might get to be friends with as part of choosing a section, class, degree, or college isn't anything new.

Re: Need help with students who've turned my class into a dating service

#320

Post by ip26 »

neilv wrote: post #247

I'd guess the people doing this gaming probably think it's clever, fun, and fair play (designed by-and-for hormonal college students). Maybe all the school needs, to handle the problem without scandal or lawsuits, is for the students doing it to be called before a dean, who says it's disrupting class, and to save the dating efforts for extracurricular environments, not taint the academics. If they don't seem to get i…

Looking for dates is tainting and scandalous, worthy of expulsion?
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