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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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721–730 of 806 posts

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#721

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yeah just be able to get the world's best neurologist and hope the situation gets better. If it does I'll say after the fact I'm sure no matter what it'd be in sickness and in health and I'm super man who doesn't fatigue. Obviously the impoverished mom who can't even afford to hire a doctor and walks away so the kids won't get bankrupted, well she just doesn't see marriage the same as you. Hell maybe she did all the…

I have an unusual outcome? You're grasping at straws, name calling, and making a ton of assumptions with literally zero data. I'll budge an inch, sure, if your partner is going to need long term hospice care, I can understand why you might move on, but that's not the case for most fully disabled people and families. You're basically saying if you lost the ability to walk and it inconveniences me I'm bailing on you. T…

>You're basically saying if you lost the ability to walk and it inconveniences me I'm bailing on you

Nobody says it like that. Usually it gets to the point where the end-stage symptoms resulting in their leaving is something like suicidal depression and the kids are badly suffering. The impetus is the disability but you're downplaying how it gets there.

It really shows gross ignorance to think you can extrapolate the yes UNUSUAL case that after getting world's best neurologist we did what the doctors said couldn't be done. And then extrapolate all the people other than you that faced disabilities that resulted in dissolved marriage must have started with weaker marriages.

Honestly someone that belittles the plight and hard marital choices of the disabled as much as you have, would be worthy of much worse name calling than anything I've seen here, and it's especially harmful to the disabled who have actually initiated the divorce out of LOVE for their partner.

>I don't think sticking with your partner through thick and thin is abnormal, ad

Yeah investigate a bit people going through the serious disease of chronic addiction. When the husband uses the entire paycheck to keep from getting dope-sick and passes out while the toddler is crawling around after the second, at best third rehab the wife dumps them like a hot potato. Honestly it is rare to find a chronic addict that is still with their family. When push comes to shove when the kids are suffering the wife will drop your ass, even if you're trying your best to overcome the disease and act in love. All that shit about sticking around no matter what goes through the window, and these aint people in hospice care or even acting purposefully with malice against their family. Usually they genuinely and badly want to fulfill their responsibilities.

>"for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health."

Again this is just smugness that you like your particular transaction more than others. I seriously doubt you would have entered this without the counterparty also agreeing to same terms as their bit of the transaction. Very few people making these vows are gonna go through with it if the spouse isn't vowing to offer the same in trade.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#722
post #715

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Karaoke, arcades, BBQ in a park, bars, drinking in convenience store parking lots, that kind of thing.

Thanks! Karaoke can work here (in Koreantown). Arcades (you mean video arcades, right?) have kind of disappeared, though there are a couple left. In past years "ciberes" were potentially feasible; those are businesses where you pay by the hour to use an internet-connected PC, similar to a "PC bang". I've done meetups in the park, with or without picnics, but not barbecue. Bars do exist. Any other ideas?

Yeah, gaming arcades. They still exist in Japan and are coming back in the US by attaching things like karaoke and bowling alleys to them. But I think that's more for young people and I suspect all the adult activities involve drinking.

It's pretty culturally specific though, so I'd just check what everyone else is doing with whatever the local versions of Meetup/Foursquare/Google Maps are.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#723

I love how the article compares the unequal distribution of sex partners with the unequal distribution of wealth, because in my opinion that might be part of the cause. I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances. There have been other studies about young men struggling to find jobs that pay well enough for them to become financial…

The unequal distribution is more related to the power law (80/20 rule) than each other. Money definitely helps, but if it had high correlation, Software Engineers would be viewed as rock stars, instead of the nerds we are lol

Exactly.

People at FAANG would be rolling in sex partners instead of being incels.

Money is not significant enough. It’s nice but it will not change outcomes for people who are unattractive otherwise.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#724

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There was an article a few years ago saying that in Manhattan women outnumber men, and that led to men needing to compete less there, so yeah probably economics related. But a gov-sponsored app? No way. It's bad enough they have your whole financial/employment history (IRS), but to add your health (medicare/aid) and now dating/sexual histories too? What's left that you can keep private? Sorry, bad idea there.

I hear you on privacy, but would you rather the data be given to MatchGroup who can sell and use that as they wish, or to the government that at least has an incredible amount of oversight and has to go thru greatly transparent lengths to move data? Having worked in both the gov and commercial spaces for a while I’d definitely say govt agencies are much, much, much more careful about how they handle sensitive informa…

I’ve also worked in gov. And they’re not very good at it either, OPM breach especially was pretty bad, and that’s it’s own workforce: the most protected set of people under any government. Gov does default to classifying documents, if that’s what you’re talking about, which leads to it being very secretive; the opposite of transparent. See the Biden/Trump cavalier treatment of such documents - honestly probably none are actually important anyway.

But again the IRS, which deals with everyone most directly (more than say intel documents) is notoriously bad and behind the times at it’s computer systems.

MatchGroup might sell your data to a company for ads and the like, but it’s opt in, and one of several. When’s the last time government did something opt-in?

Who knows, the ads might be useful sometimes. Giving politicians and bureaucrats access to more information about you in another centralized db somewhere is a recipe for disaster, and even if they are angels, it’ll be a huge target for others!

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#725

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If some perceived desirable accomplishment is retold as an experience without obvious boasting and with wisdom drawn from it, I think that responding with insecurity is delegitimizing only to you, not them

The wisdom is not all that profound and it comes off as boastful. Whether or not it deligitimizes the reader is irrelevant. The poster knows it's a sensitive topic from the very outset and still goes ahead with the comment.

I'm sorry about your smolpeen.

Am I doing this right?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#726
post #671

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As others mentioned you could “just jump in the pool.” And it would work eventually. But from these comments I don’t think you will. Instead going to point out that you are not the only one. I know a female version of this for example. You might seek these folks out, it’s the age of micro communities, however unlikely. Bluntly and ultimately a person needs to “get over themselves.” Our lives are filled with pain. We…

I'd agree with the point that "it's never too late". However, other ideas seem more suspicious. E.g. it's not that "I don't think you will" - he won't because he can't, not because he doesn't want to.

Possibly; we don't have enough information to know what strictly cannot be done in this situation.

Many times when I can't get myself to do something directly, I trick/outsmart myself into doing it another way. Give myself no choice, for example. There's also perspective. Watch Les Miserables for that perhaps.

But, as you alluded these are appeals to the rational mind, which may not be available right now. Only the doctor/patient has an idea.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#727

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Unfortunately this response is divorced from reality. I have observed many 20-something women swiping through Tinder and the #1 cause for a man’s profile to be rejected is his attractiveness simply being average or below average. Have you ever tried online dating on platforms such as Tinder?

"Attractiveness" is very under your control and like half of it is how good your photos are.

That's false. Out of the seven characteristics of attractiveness, only one is under locus of control, the rest are genetically determined and exceedingly hard to change.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#728
post #564

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"while making no effort to hide one's sexual interest" This is tricky, but key. If you hide your interest, you will most likely act weird. And yes, rejection is part of the game and no problem. Unless of course - like you say - one is already broken. Then a simple rejection can be devastating of the remaining confidence. Flirting is a game, but some never learned how to play. I also learned it quite late and remember…

> Flirting is a game, but some never learned how to play That would mean it's not very natural, which could be doubtful. However the quality of play could vary, with corresponding outcomes.

It is natural, the same way walking is natural. But you still have to learn it and not becpme crippled in a socially traumatising accident.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#729
post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I agree with this, remove school, college and work and what is left? Not much. Maybe a house of worship if you are religous. Remote work while it provides benefits to people; especially those already in a relationship and with kids, has its costs. Online college is an option now.

>Not much. Maybe a house of worship Literature clubs, language classes. Literally any hobbie that does not require you to stay focused on device that may cut off your fingers if you look away.

The problem with hobby relationships is not only that it is just awkward in the first place as people said above. The other significant problem is that hobbies are long term activity. Say you sign up for a club/class/sports team and you genuinely interested in that activity. You meet 10-15 new people, and lets say there are no single people of opposite gender. Now what? Cancel your kayaking club after few weeks and sign for the hiking club? Then if that one is a wash too, cancel and move to learning chess? Etc.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#730

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My guess is ethnic male of average height. Attractive in his native country where his ethnicity isn't a factor and the average height is much lower.

As a tall male with some success on the apps, I find women 5'10" or more are much more likely to match me than those who are shorter. They prefer taller men and for a tall woman that reduces my competition. Still contemplating why those apps are so terrible, but the are.

My wife is 5'10" and she said she hated how all the tall guys wanted to date the short girls, leaving the tall girls with shorter guys than them
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