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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#381

Post by dheera »

weatherlite wrote: post #337
gerad wrote: post #275

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kids are good at it. Adults less so, because of… well, sex.

Its also quite cultural. Its normal for men to hold hands when walking in India, Nepal for example. At first it looked ridiculous to me...having grown up since then I think its Western civilization that's a bit ridiculous in that aspect.

Perhaps. But it's also "weird" that it only exists with same-sex. Why is it a cultural taboo for single men and single women to say, hold hands, if they aren't in a monogamous relationship with anyone else, and are doing so consensually?

I feel like traditional culture is the only thing that says "you shouldn't do that", which seems equally ridiculous to me.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#382

Post by bmn__ »

trustingtrust wrote: post #101
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

A friend of mine did a small experiment. She’s quite good looking so she made a new account and another guy friend made another account at the same time. She has usually has 3000+ likes on bumble so we wanted to see how many she gets in 30 minutes. In 30 minutes the guy got 5 because of a new account and she got 150. The ratio is so badly skewed that the apps end up working for no one. Neither men nor women.

It works for the top 10% of men.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#383

Post by Spooky23 »

fxtentacle wrote: post #15

I love how the article compares the unequal distribution of sex partners with the unequal distribution of wealth, because in my opinion that might be part of the cause. I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances. There have been other studies about young men struggling to find jobs that pay well enough for them to become financial…

IMO a lot get lost in the stats. I can think of plenty of guys in my hometown who have no problem attracting female acquaintances, despite low or no prospects.

Alot of people in these situations have let the broader zeitgeist tell them they are entitled to something. If you’re a 40-year old divorcee, the market for supermodels or professional athletes is limited.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#384

Post by avmich »

konart wrote: post #361

Fortunatelly I have a wife now, but for me for the longest time the so called "sexual lineliness" was linked with the three facts: 1) I was raised into believing that sex implies serious relationship and vice versa. As in "if we are having sex that means we are in serious relatioinship". As it turned out - this does not work like this for most (many?) people. Turns out yuo can just have a good time and some sex witho…

> 1) I was raised into believing that sex implies serious relationship and vice versa. As in "if we are having sex that means we are in serious relatioinship".

As it turned out - this does not work like this for most (many?) people. Turns out yuo can just have a good time and some sex without worrying about 1001 things before you do so.

This seems to contradict some view on women's POV here. As in, for women the sexual transaction is big serious deal.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#385

Post by zozbot234 »

voldacar wrote: post #297

Meta, but it's interesting how many comments here are reflexively blaming men and their collective behaviour for this. On its face this seems irrational since who has sex in present day culture is basically gatekept by women. There appears to be this bizarre cultural taboo or cognitive bias where women can (collectively) have agency but when they use that agency to make decisions that harm others, you aren't allowed…

Sex in general may or may not be gatekept by women, but good, enjoyable, risk-free sex is gatekept by men. Is it any wonder that people don't want bad. risky sex?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#386

Post by landgenoot »

throwaway6734 wrote: post #195
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

The dating market for men seems very similar to the job market: * It's easier to find a partner when you already have one * There are much higher standards in getting dates (akin to interviewing) than once in a relationship * Theres a power imbalance due to cultural expectations that men are the pursuers

LinkedIn is like a reverse tinder. Hot looking women are texting ugly men, but they never respond.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#387

Post by jstarfish »

retrac wrote: post #162
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

I think it's very telling there's no real lesbian equivalent to the sex clubs for gay men, or Grindr for that matter. They do exist; relatively few women actually use them. Pornography by and for gay men, is as popular if not more so, with gay men as pornography is with straight men. The market for such material aimed at women, gay or straight, is rather marginal by comparison. Similarly, a very large % of gay men wh…

Note how many hetero "open relationships" are initiated by the male half, and how often those fail.

Women generally don't like sharing their partner with competition. (Neither do most men. Threesomes men pursue are almost always MFF, not MMF.)

None of this is surprising.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#388

Post by GuB-42 »

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

I think incel is as much about involuntary celibate as antisemitism is against semitic languages.

Incels are a hate group only vaguely related to celibate. And legalizing prostitution (something I am for) will probably do as good to that group as language lessons would do against antisemitism as we know it today.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#389

Post by [deleted] »

nkingsy wrote: post #241
spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

In a past life I got pretty deep into trying to help guys like this. There's a whole industry around it peddling advice that ranges from effective (yet impossible to implement for a broken person) to counter-productive and evil. It's really very simple, but people just have massive amounts of negative programming that radiates out from them like a reverse pheromone. Those who are hungry do not eat. You can't fake it,…

[deleted]

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#390

Post by yamtaddle »

wonderwonder wrote: post #371
yamtaddle wrote: post #357

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Shit I can drop like 3 (relative) points on the good ol' 10 scale just by traveling to different sections of my own city. And while I'm not bad by local standards I'm only like a 2 or a 3 in some cities I've visited. From "not bad" to "uggo" just by traveling to another city, without ethnicity being a factor.

how? Honestly I am not doubting you, I have just been married for a very long time so out of the game. Is it a presentation of wealth or dress style?

Largely fitness level and attention to appearance (very-nice well-kept haircuts, probably a little male use of makeup, that kind of thing). Skin care routines (say, consistency of applying sunscreen and wearing hats when outdoors, from early ages on) can vary wildly with local cultural norms and, notably, with class-related socialization, with the result that some cohorts have much nicer skin in middle age than others.

Plus I've been in a few cities where, frankly, it just looks like the gene pool's exceptionally good.

[EDIT] Oh and stuff like serious hair-loss treatments and plugs and such, and skin blemish removal, short of full-on plastic surgery. I can just about guarantee those are more common in rich areas and richer cities than in poorer areas and poorer cities.

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