Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem? • Hacker News Board

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#221

Post by dudul » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:45 PM UTC

josefresco wrote: post #73

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

> incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit While there's a perception that incels are ugly, socially awkward nerds, the one's I've interreacted with online (and off) tend to be angry, misogynistic douchebags. The nerdiest guys I know (IRL) all have significant others. The bitter guys I know (two) IRL are older, have let themselves go and have nothing "going for them". They are both very active onlin…

At this point, "incel" is one of these buzzwords that don't mean anything anymore.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#222

Post by amelius » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:45 PM UTC

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

I think you'd have most luck by using ChatGPT to send messages in the style of 50 Shades of Grey.

I wouldn't be surprised if some men were already doing this.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#223

Post by UncleEntity » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:45 PM UTC

low_tech_punk wrote: post #98

treeman79 wrote: post #68

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Monogamy was a fantastic tool to manage diseases for thousands of years. Imagine removing antibiotics, vaccines, screening tools, and any other medical treatment. Anyone who was around for the AIDs epidemic will understand how quickly a large segment of the population can start dying off. The early portion, it was literally a mystery disease that was killing off anyone that engaged in risky lifestyle.

Interesting insight from Darwinism point of view! If we have solved the public health problems, does it make Monogamy an empty construct? Or there are other social/economical/biological factors that hold it in place?

Up until my generation it was really hard to raise kids as a single parent. And they take a while before you’re not responsible for their safety/wellbeing.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#224

Post by kelseyfrog » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:45 PM UTC

josefresco wrote: post #73

f-securus wrote: post #5

Legalize prostitution and regulate safety and perhaps incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit from paid sexual interactions? I'm kind of ignorant to the subject of what is the cause of 'sexual loneliness' but I believe the world's oldest profession shouldn't be pushed into the shadows as that causes more problems than it prevents.

> incels would build confidence and learn to socialize a bit While there's a perception that incels are ugly, socially awkward nerds, the one's I've interreacted with online (and off) tend to be angry, misogynistic douchebags. The nerdiest guys I know (IRL) all have significant others. The bitter guys I know (two) IRL are older, have let themselves go and have nothing "going for them". They are both very active onlin…

Agree. There's a cottage industry of social media influencers who find money in selling this cadre a simple message, "There is a reason it's hard for you and this is the group who's making it that way. I'll teach you why they're wrong and how to fight them to win."

It's an appealing message for a group who sees their intrinsic or essential power impotent in a changing world. It means that radical self-growth, a long and difficult process, doesn't have to happen, painful self-truths don't have to be addressed, and basic skills like empathy don't have to be cultivated. In short, issues can be externalized.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#225

Post by zozbot234 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:46 PM UTC

itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

Dating apps are terrible. Women respond well to genuine friendship and gradually deepening intimacy. No one, man or woman, wants to be thrown into a super short-term popularity contest where physical appearance and some shallow "chatting" is the only differentiator. That's not how you build community and intimacy.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#226

Post by allisdust » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:46 PM UTC

jsz0 wrote: post #126

Jordan Peterson is completely wrong though. Monogamy is part of the problem. We should normalize as a society that there are indeed people you just want to have sex with but are not interested in marrying/reproduction with. It shouldn't be that big of a deal.

The problem with this approach is eventually people who think this way are bred out of gene pool. Monogamy has been successful at continuing human race for quite a long time by providing stable growing environments for kids.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#227

Post by yodsanklai » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:46 PM UTC

fxtentacle wrote: post #15

I love how the article compares the unequal distribution of sex partners with the unequal distribution of wealth, because in my opinion that might be part of the cause. I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances. There have been other studies about young men struggling to find jobs that pay well enough for them to become financial…

> I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances.

This matches my experience. But overall, location is extremely important. I used to date quite a lot, and depending on the place, I could find dates extremely easily, or it could be virtually impossible.

But one thing I understood after I turned 40. The number one criteria is age! It gets exponentially harder as years pass.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#228

Post by idontpost » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:46 PM UTC

afavour wrote: post #174

yibg wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't know if that's true. From most data I've seen women's preferences skew towards a small percentage of men. i.e. most women want the same guys, which are the small minority. This leaves (making up numbers) 80% of women wanting 20% of men. Where as men tend to be less discriminating in their choices of women.

Surely that would mean 60% of women (assuming equal gender balance in the population) are perpetually single? That doesn’t sound right to me.

[dead]

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#229

Post by Manuel_D » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:46 PM UTC

wpietri wrote: post #25

I am a regular reader of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole" and the sheer number of terrible boyfriends/husbands is jaw-dropping. And that's probably always been true, but what has changed is the extent to which women now have agency through having decent jobs and not being social pariahs if they're not married and pregnant by 22. The stuff my grandmother put up with just doesn't fly today. So if the content of AITA is any…

But the people experiencing sexual loneliness aren't bad boyfriends and husbands. They can't even get a significant other or spouse. Counterintuitively, being a disagreeable or even abusive partner is positively correlated with sexual success: https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-roman...

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#230

Post by zb3 » Thu, Jan 26, 2023, 5:46 PM UTC

hcurtiss wrote: post #121

zb3 wrote: post #33

The need itself is the problem, and it's really surprising noone looks at it this way. A drug that 'd make me completely asexual (with no orientation) is the real solution for me, as currently there's none available.

Genuine question -- do eunuchs have sex drive?

According to Wikipedia, they might[0]. Note however that the procedure is not generally available, I can't just purchase chemical castration pills, which is a problem because it should be my choice.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Castration