181–190 of 440 posts
With work people, we're all in the same place regularly so no scheduling issues and, being London, there's always a pub nearby. It's a startup so the engineers aren't siloed off in some dungeon, we hang out just as much with sales and operations, who always bring a bit of party atmosphere.
One thing I observed moving cities recently, and realized has been true for much of my life: there's a pretty small number of people who actually organize things. As the density of your social network naturally decreases, you may have lost a few eigenvector-central social network nodes. Think back to those work parties: were they really spontaneous, or did "Janice in Accounting" always seem to step up? For me, there…
I've observed the same thing in video games with group activities. People sit in party finder waiting for somebody else to organize a group. They could make the group themselves, but they don't. They just sit there and wait until somebody else does it.
In real life I can understand this apprehension a lot more, but in games it's the difference of a few clicks and picking and choosing who gets to join. And yet a lot of people don't want to do it. It's quite curious.
I wonder if it's related to who is willing to organize things in real life as well. Maybe some people are just more driven to organize things?
It recently occurred to me how important my fraternal org is in my life after taking some time away from it. Showing up to see 30 or so guys who aren't family, and who were happy enough to see me, say hello, have a pint, dinner and small talk is maybe a once a year experience for most guys over 40, but for me it's about 10x/year, just with that group. There's a natural filter, where you don't have to re-negotiate all these anxieties every time you try to get people together.
One reason parties disappeared is because we have encouraged widespread neuroticism and anxiety about maintaining purity in different and various forms, and that intolerance has effectively eroded the social fabric. Surely we can hav e new kinds parties, ones that are lame, and that nobody enjoys, but we can have the satisfaction that at least those other people aren't here...
One thing I observed moving cities recently, and realized has been true for much of my life: there's a pretty small number of people who actually organize things. As the density of your social network naturally decreases, you may have lost a few eigenvector-central social network nodes. Think back to those work parties: were they really spontaneous, or did "Janice in Accounting" always seem to step up? For me, there…
Thai rings true IME. My (small) social circle died out with COVID/remote work/moving to the city and I’ve struggled to make connections because I’m not the type to initiate events. Realizing now that I’ve taken for granted these organizing people and will have to be comfortable becoming the “shameless type” and risk rejection if I want to make friends.
Spouse and I are mid thirties. We're both a smidge on the introvert side, but have a very healthy social circle. We love to host and generally are the household that brings people out. Others seldom do and when it happens, it's somewhat lackluster. If no one steps up to be host, relationships fall to the wayside and people increasingly feel like you do currently. Be the proactive one because these are few and far bet…
This is so massively critical, glad you highlighted it.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Well it's complete isolation with your preferred partner. Introverts can avoid draining their battery if they spend time with close people they trust, and can be themselves around. I compare it to masks. We wear many different masks and they weigh different depending on the company. The masks come off with your close family and friends and it's wonderful. It's actually recharging in some way.
We introverts will make great residents of Mars. People always talk about how impossible it’ll be for humans to live there in relative isolation. Those people are obviously normals, and they always assume the others like us don’t count. I’d do just fine with myself or a small number of close partners for the rest of my life. Further, a lot of folks on the spectrum wouldn’t do _just_ fine, they would do better. . A pl…
I've noticed the same as well. My main hypothesis is that parties are just less interesting to all concerned because they're not that novel, and often just retreading old ground. When you're younger, parties are full of new experiences, lives are often changing rapidly (e.g. jobs/relationships/homes), so parties feel like a worthwhile way to spend time. As people get older and get more settled, then parties often fee…
I imagine people without kids start having a really hard time. Parents with kids aren’t going to come to their “come and speak drunk at me” parties - it’s inappropriate for everyone, and baby sitters make more than tech CEOs these days. Those parents have tons of parties when their kids are playing together. And given the biological imperative to perpetuate the species, at a certain age an awful lot of folks are parents. The “come and speak drunk at me” folks sometimes end up in recovery and can’t be at the “speak drunk at me” parties any more. That an folks just get busy, form their own social network, are traveling for work too much, and all the other things, leads to a lonely existence if you need people to come and speak drunk at you.
One thing I observed moving cities recently, and realized has been true for much of my life: there's a pretty small number of people who actually organize things. As the density of your social network naturally decreases, you may have lost a few eigenvector-central social network nodes. Think back to those work parties: were they really spontaneous, or did "Janice in Accounting" always seem to step up? For me, there…
Any advice? That's a hard thing to do!