Ask HN: Where are all the parties? • Hacker News Board

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#121

Post by csomar » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:16 PM UTC

ricardobayes wrote: post #73

axlee wrote: post #47

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you have a cook or a housekeeper you're nowhere near upper middle class. Those are bygone times.

Don't know, a friend runs an optician's shop in a mall and has a live-in nanny who cooks for them and looks after the kids.

A live-in nanny from a third-world country is very different from a cook (I assume a professional chef) and a live-in nanny.

Still, your friend is upper middle-class. These people, especially if old, went through an “easier” time and built quite a wealth now (doing the same today is practically impossible).

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#122

Post by bil7 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:16 PM UTC

INTPenis wrote: post #112

pavlov wrote: post #69

I'm 42 and last year moved back to my home country. We wanted to throw a housewarming party but getting enough people in one place on a specific day at a specific time seemed like an impossible challenge. Everybody had busy schedules for their precious August weekends anyway. We ended up doing a full-weekend party where people could drop by whenever they can. The first guests came on Friday around 6 pm and the last o…

As an introvert, that sounds like a total nightmare. One visit with friends, or so-called "party", leaves me drained for days. If I had a whole weekend of drop-ins I would isolate myself a week after.

As an extrovert, that sounds like a total nightmare. Complete isolation for a week would drive me nuts.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#123

Post by bobleeswagger » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:16 PM UTC

> COVID happened and we still haven't restarted partying the way we used to

Our reaction to COVID happened a lot more readily than COVID itself.

Playing pandemic has consequences, as it turns out.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#124

Post by remote_phone » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:19 PM UTC

The parties I have are with people whose kids are similar age. We end up playing poker for money while the kids play or we have potluck dinners etc. it was actually getting kind of exhausting so we stepped back but I think that’s basically how it ends up centering around kids.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#125

Post by INTPenis » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:19 PM UTC

bil7 wrote: post #122

INTPenis wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

As an introvert, that sounds like a total nightmare. One visit with friends, or so-called "party", leaves me drained for days. If I had a whole weekend of drop-ins I would isolate myself a week after.

As an extrovert, that sounds like a total nightmare. Complete isolation for a week would drive me nuts.

Well it's complete isolation with your preferred partner. Introverts can avoid draining their battery if they spend time with close people they trust, and can be themselves around.

I compare it to masks. We wear many different masks and they weigh different depending on the company. The masks come off with your close family and friends and it's wonderful. It's actually recharging in some way.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#126

Post by activitypea » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:19 PM UTC

anhner wrote: post #52

activitypea wrote: post #31

I graduated right around the time Covid hit, and I feel like that wrecked my social life irreparably. I have 4-5 close friends I can hang out with every other week or so (nobody wants to hang out 1 to 1 every day), but all my friend groups dissipated. Some moved away, some moved on, some just stopped moving at all. I feel miserable and every couple of nights I have dreams of a Third Place where I can just go and make…

> I have 4-5 close friends I can hang out with every other week or so Is that so abnormal? I have the same experience after graduating a few years ago but always thought that was what happens to most people. Other than the friends you made in college, you can always find new people through hobbies or work.

Oh no, if anything I've been super lucky in that regard. It's just that a dinner with 2 good friends is a much different vibe from a barbecue with 15 people, 10 of which you've never met, and I miss the latter, especially post-covid :\

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#127

Post by molsongolden » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:21 PM UTC

Remote work is hurting local networks for a lot of people. It's true that it's possible to build community outside of work but it takes intentional effort. We spend so many hours at work that it's a natural place for adults to build community and meet acquaintances.

Situation 1 - Years of working in an office with coworkers, attending events, meeting customers in the community. Eventually you end up with a handful of people who you just happened to chat with at some work thing then ran into each other again and now you are sort of friends.

Situation 2 - All of your interaction with coworkers and customers is remote. You get along with people but they aren't nearby so you can't grab coffee or dinner after work. You need to find interesting after-work activities, summon the energy, block out the time, spend the money, procrastinate taking action because you're overthinking it too much, etc.

--

I can't remember which podcast I heard about this on but I've listened to most of the audiobook for Nick Gray's "The 2-Hour Cocktail Party: How to Build Big Relationships with Small Gatherings"[0] and will be giving hosting a shot this spring. It still takes a lot of effort to find a crowd and host but hopefully having a framework for organizing and hosting will help.

[0] https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/61212264-the-2-hour-c...

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#128

Post by yardie » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:23 PM UTC

pavlov wrote: post #69

I'm 42 and last year moved back to my home country. We wanted to throw a housewarming party but getting enough people in one place on a specific day at a specific time seemed like an impossible challenge. Everybody had busy schedules for their precious August weekends anyway. We ended up doing a full-weekend party where people could drop by whenever they can. The first guests came on Friday around 6 pm and the last o…

This sounds really exhausting. But now that I think about it my parent's house serves the same purpose. When I visit I let family and friends know I'm in town and to stop in when they can. House is the same place they remember from high school. I don't consider it a party, just old friends chatting, drinking, and eating. I'd be lucky if more than 2-3 showed up around the same time.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#129

Post by uxp100 » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:25 PM UTC

The best parties I ever went to were when I was in my early teens and my parents were in their late 40s. Massive bonfires, kids running all over playing hide and seek on 20 acres, adults and older teens with impromptu softball games, elaborate plays written to commemorate the party (not necessarily well written, but included wacky stunts!). Parents sneaking off to smoke weed and getting a little weird. The weather just right. Really all the parties I’ve been to as an adult have been a disappointment in comparison.

So I’m saying you still have time for some real good times. But yes, “post” covid my social life has dried up a bit too. Haven’t lost friends, but see them less, and all the not really friends that would just shoot me a text if they were at a bar in the neighborhood have stopped doing that. Just lost the habit I suppose.

Re: Ask HN: Where are all the parties?

#130

Post by AlecSchueler » Fri, Jan 20, 2023, 3:28 PM UTC

CalRobert wrote: post #109

AlecSchueler wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> ...care little about age in the party scene is Madrid. Plenty of nights you're just as likely to be partying with 60 year olds as 25 year olds. Same in Ireland. Funnily enough the party scene there also includes many Spaniards of all ages, as well as an overrepresentation of Greeks and Italians. Wherever I go in Europe, if I go to a party I know it's likely I'll meet someone from one of those four countries there.

Where in Ireland? And to be fair there's loads of Spanish and Brazilian students here (they tell me it's a good place to practice English, or was before the housing crisis), which does help keep the place lively I don't go out a lot but in fairness I remember back in the day seeing plenty of post-60 people up late and out and about.

I meant Belfast specifically, and across Ulster more generally (Derry and Donegal would be hotspots), but I know there's good and multi-national craic in at least Cork and Galway as well. Might be less in the Pale but I don't really know; I just take my not knowing to mean it must not be there as strongly or otherwise I'd hear about it.

Re: the students, that's true but there are also plenty of students from other parts of the world (Britain, China, India, and France especially) and it's been my experience that they tend to focus more on their studies than having the craic, and that they return home immediately after their studies, whereas I see more and more of the aforementioned either settling down in Ireland or taking a romantic partner away with them if they do return home.

This is all anecdotal of course and I know this is HN where data is king, but sure it's good to spin a yarn for the sake of it sometimes as well.

I live in the Netherlands myself these days and I always find it striking when I go to bars or cafes that all of the tables are filled with people who all look like each other, same ages and social backgrounds etc., even gender, and that the people from one table rarely mix with another -- this is just about the polar opposite of what I grew up expecting a drinking establishment to look like.