131–140 of 440 posts
I'm 42 and last year moved back to my home country. We wanted to throw a housewarming party but getting enough people in one place on a specific day at a specific time seemed like an impossible challenge. Everybody had busy schedules for their precious August weekends anyway. We ended up doing a full-weekend party where people could drop by whenever they can. The first guests came on Friday around 6 pm and the last o…
Caveat: we're fortunate and have an open concept house that makes any party very easy to manage. I've noticed that a crammed home full of walls everywhere is a big social turn off. People often come to be stimulated by the atmosphere. Winter can be a slog, but it may be best to do it in a backyard if that's the case.
A hard thing to overcome is removing the fear of inviting people you've lost touch with over the years. This isn't to say where relationships ended poorly, but rather ones where time or a busy life eroded what once was. I saw a friend a couple weeks ago that I haven't seen for 4 years because I reached out and invited him to a poker night party and it was great to catch up. Our last text was in 2018 at that point.
My parents are mid sixties and despite myself feeling fulfilled socially, I don't hold a torch to them. They have huge gatherings constantly and always on the go. Always been that way, even through covid (to my known disapproval...). The parties I saw as a kid were eye opening. My parents own some land and at the end of the night when a lot of people left, they would have large bonfires that were still 3 circular rows deep of lawn chairs. So much chatter. Hearing about their life is exhausting in a positive way. I hope I carry that forward into my later years.
I think work events are definitely in dire need to start up again. I miss them, but they're slowly making a comeback. Cherish your personal friends though, and don't be discouraged to keep arranging things. Friend groups need those types
Think back to those work parties: were they really spontaneous, or did "Janice in Accounting" always seem to step up? For me, there was one guy who always ran the happy hours; when he left, the happy hours' frequency dropped noticeably.
The aging, COVID, kids, busy-ness, general "Bowling Alone" etc factors all do make things harder too (reduce social density, increase difficulty of scheduling, etc.). But that's just friction; it can be overcome.
The best thing I did was become the shameless type of person who actively tries to create/join/combine social circles. It pretty quickly put me in touch with other people who do the same, and my social circle grew naturally after that.
Remote work is hurting local networks for a lot of people. It's true that it's possible to build community outside of work but it takes intentional effort. We spend so many hours at work that it's a natural place for adults to build community and meet acquaintances. Situation 1 - Years of working in an office with coworkers, attending events, meeting customers in the community. Eventually you end up with a handful of…
I picked up Jiu Jitsu a few years ago and found that to be extremely effective when it comes to meeting people wherever I go. It's usually a stead group of people with other people rotating in, and doing collaborative activities together makes for quick friends.
I love remote work, and I take full advantage of it as a digital nomad, but we should have good faith discussions about the tradeoffs and how to mitigate it.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
As an extrovert, that sounds like a total nightmare. Complete isolation for a week would drive me nuts.
Well it's complete isolation with your preferred partner. Introverts can avoid draining their battery if they spend time with close people they trust, and can be themselves around. I compare it to masks. We wear many different masks and they weigh different depending on the company. The masks come off with your close family and friends and it's wonderful. It's actually recharging in some way.
I just turned 50. About 30 people showed up for the party my wife threw for me, and those were exactly the people I wanted to be there. I'm guessing my definition of "party" may be different from yours, but in the last two months, the community we've embedded ourselves in (via our church) has gotten together for my birthday, the darkest night of the year, and New Year's eve. These aren't raucous affairs, but rather 2…
I think you've hit on something important here. Without getting into the merits of religious belief, the rapid increase in loneliness seems to be strongly correlated with the rapid decrease in religiosity. There just aren't any institutions prepared to replace church communities.
For my part, I get more than enough socialization through my church community: I actively turn down opportunities to socialize because I'm saturated already.