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Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#231

Post by tsuujin »

no-dr-onboard wrote: post #229
xyzelement wrote: post #128

In brief: 1. What worries you? Not some blatant project stuff but bigger deal issues. "How do I learn enough here to make a lot more money in a few years" or "I don't understand how our product is going to make money in this environment". Stuff like that is probably on your mind in some way (unless you are an unthinking dolt, but you wouldn't be asking this if you were) - get it out there and gain perspective. 2. Bli…

I've had the same experience with my manager: 1. Meta-level discussions/sounding board on what I'm currently chewing on as it relates to my job. ex: "I came across a discussion that I observed with my mentor (at a past job) and his peer. I saw that my mentor was prone providing harmful/useless-speculation when critiquing someone's project. It made me reflect on how I $HABIT_A, $HABIT_B, and $HABIT_C in my interaction…

As an engineering manager: yes to all of these.

When I 1-1 with my reports I’m looking to see where their mind is this week and what they’re struggling with, so I can figure out how I can help them.

The small talk is more important than many people give it credit for. Finding common ground and having a mutually friendly relationship makes the above conversations so much easier on both of us. We’re both more comfortable and more willing to be transparent and genuine.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#232

Post by zogomoox »

jacurtis wrote: post #216
mshake2 wrote: post #7

These have always been an enormous waste of time from my perspective. They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time. Anything process-wise should be handled through scrum. Anything personal can be handled with ad-hoc 1-on-1 meetings as needed, but should be pretty rare. 1-on-1s for process really do harm to transparency and accountability. If I had a nickel for every time…

Its sad, but it sounds like you have had bad managers. I myself am a mid-level manager. I have 1x1s with my employees. I also have 1x1 with my manager (the CTO). I personally look forward to my 1x1 with my manager, the CTO, each week. I find them very useful. Without them we always meet in the context of other projects and often around other people. Having dedicated time to talk one-on-one is very nice. I know that m…

You make it sound like bad managers are rare. Changing teams or companies does not guarantee finding a good manager.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#233

Post by gardenhedge »

It's just a meeting to maintain the relationship with your manager. From your point of view, a good relationship will mean better opportunities in your company, pathways to promotions and salary increases and the opportunity to build trust. From the managers point of view it increases staff retention, it allows them to understand what people are doing and what they're working on and it allows them to know _who_ is doing the work for them at a more personal level

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#235

Post by escapedmoose »

somewhereoutth wrote: post #223
escapedmoose wrote: post #160

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A 1:1 shouldn’t be focused on project-related things—you’re right to assume that would just muddy the waters. 1:1s are best used for personal growth. Asking your manager things like “what do you perceive as my weaknesses/strengths” and “what training opportunities can you help me pursue” etc. It should be a personal discussion that helps you to grow in your career and get what you want out of your employment.

Indeed - personal growth and other HR type things. Once a month max I'd think, certainly not once a week. At once a week you soon run out of HR stuff and start talking about operation matters again.

Oh yes once per week is certainly overkill.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#236

Post by CuriousCosmic »

SoftTalker wrote: post #81
massysett wrote: post #45

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"They only serve to make a manager feel like they know what everyone is doing, all the time." As a manager it is critically important that I have a sense of what my staff is doing. New assignments come in all the time that require quick turnaround. I need to know who on my staff is available for such projects.

As a manager how can you not know what your staff is doing at any given time? I've worked in some places where developers chose their own stories but we had morning standups to communicate what we were working on.

In some types of matrix orgs it makes sense as there is a distinction between project leadership and staff leadership.

- The staff/personnel manager is there for managing the engineers and getting their time allocated to projects. The 1:1s are for these managers to understand their engineers' skills, weaknesses, goals, and direction for growth/development so they can effectively allocate them.

- The team leads and project managers participate in standups so that the teams can effectively operate, work gets done, and project leadership knows what is happening.

The division makes sense when you have a lot of projects which may only be funded for parts of the year or where development isn't regular. Doubly so in industries which have a legal requirement for strong compartmentalization of knowledge & involvement. In these environments, your team leads, project managers, and standups will change like hats over the course of weeks, months, and years while you likely will only change personnel managers and 1:1s a few times over the course of a decade.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#237

Post by brailsafe »

fortylove wrote: post #11

Something I've noticed over my roughly decade career, having ~10 managers during this time... If you're not having interesting conversation directly related to your work during 1:1s, it's likely that things are going well for you, or you have a bad manager. Assuming you don't have a bad manager, then they would be discussing things that aren't going well with you. So if that's not the case, then you're doing fine. Us…

Definitely the case for me. My manager likes to beat around the bush for about 23/30 minutes, then guilts me about things he's unsatisfied with. Pretty par for the course unfortunately, so I just ask how he'd approach it. Even worse when they ask passive-aggressive questions, hoping I'll identify the inane thing they're thinking about. I just let it fizzle out without them getting anything out of it.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#238

Post by Tycho »

Weekly is a bit too often. Bi-weekly should be sufficient. These meetings just guarantee that every employee at the firm is getting regular guidance from their manager, and giving feedback. It reduces the risk of people doing undesirable things due to isolation. Aside from that, if you are very engaged with your projects, it did be easy to chat about them.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#239

Post by jonathankoren »

ryanSrich wrote: post #166
8note wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The employee not thinking there's something to talk about doesn't mean there's nothing to talk about. A good people-person manager can get the employee to bring up things they otherwise wouldn't think of.

What does this have to do with my comment? I never said don’t talk to your employees ever. A recurring 1v1 where you have to poke and prod information out of a subordinate is not constructive. If you have concerns, bring them up when they happen. No need to pull teeth every few weeks just to make yourself feel better as a manager.

I’m being absolutely serious.

If you’re poking and prodding, you’re doing 1:1s wrong. You should talk to your manager or HR about how to run effective 1:1s. If these resources aren’t available, you need to reach out to others managers at the company or in the community.

Lastly, this doesn’t imply that it’s a sign of desperation, but reach out to your reports. Ask them if they think the meetings are effective, and raise your concerns. They’re an equal partner in this meeting, and should be for their benefit just as much, if not more than your benefit.

Honestly, given your comment, “But for the love of god, don't schedule a recurring meeting just so they can tell you things that are easily gleaned by reading a git commit.” tells me that you don’t actually understand what an effective 1:1, nor team meeting is. If you’re stuck a dramatic reading of the status reports, you failed to set the expectations of the meeting, and should learn how to run effective meeting. There are literal books written about this.

Reach out if you need help.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#240

Post by jonathankoren »

jameshart wrote: post #181
jonathankoren wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Then you should talk about how you you need help coming up with a plan! If I was your manager, I’d tell you that while your problem about setting career goals is real, your framing of the problem as something I the manager should tell you what your goal is is backwards. I’m not living your life, you are. The path of least resistance for me is to let you stagnate right where you are and then tell you you’re perfectly…

No, what young developers (possibly other employees too) really want is not to be asked what they want to do , they want to be told what they would be good at . They don’t know! I didn’t when I was a young dev; still don’t if I’m honest. And for years all I ever really wanted a manager to say was ‘here’s a pathway I could see you going down’. If there is one thing mentors and managers can usefully do it is to stop as…

I don’t see how any of this is different from what I said.
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