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Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

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Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#221

Post by timr »

gtirloni wrote: post #203
timr wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, exactly. Of course, lots of places do have intrusive management and turn standups into another form of supervision, but that's really not the point. It's sort of sad/ironic that GP was mocking the entire idea of a developer-led standup. I'm a PM now and I run my team's standups, but even that may not be ideal depending on the perception of PMs within the organization. I think it's great when there's a tech lead…

> I'm a PM now and I run my team's standups You're management, you are not communicating laterally.

PM has "manager" in the name, but it's not management. Literally everything a good PM does comes from credibility, competence and soft power. A PM's primary mandate is to make a product that benefits the user, but we don't make staffing decisions, do 1:1s, performance reviews or other "management" things. It's why the job is hard.

But I openly acknowledge that PM can be perceived as a tentacle of management, which is why I said it's not necessarily right to follow my current example.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#222

Post by nzealand »

Your manager should want you to be happy and successful.

Clarify what is important (not just urgent) and why it's important. Present progress on key items, as your manager should be able to identify things you had not thought of. That should not require a deep dive. Highlight potential escalations. If you have a problem that requires your managers attention, also present a potential solution, then listen and hopefully learn.

Each quarter it's a good idea to revisit your yearly objectives, and progression towards these goals, which is the perfect time to also blow your own trumpet and ask for feedback on what you could do better.

Promotions and pay raises are often more about relationships with both your manager and his peers, so ask how you can increase your visibility across the organization. What problems can you help solve outside your day job?

If you aren't getting anything valuable out of the meeting, it's OK to just chat about personal stuff, or be silent and let the manager drive. Some managers are fantastic, and some managers are frankly in the wrong job.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#223

Post by somewhereoutth »

escapedmoose wrote: post #160
somewhereoutth wrote: post #151

I consider 1:1s to be lethal for team working, and only make sense if each report is completely siloed. If, as in the real world, we are working together on projects as teams then any decision making made or direction given behind closed doors without team awareness will cause serious problems with cohesion. There is nothing more annoying than trying to figure out what this person has been instructed by their manager…

A 1:1 shouldn’t be focused on project-related things—you’re right to assume that would just muddy the waters. 1:1s are best used for personal growth. Asking your manager things like “what do you perceive as my weaknesses/strengths” and “what training opportunities can you help me pursue” etc. It should be a personal discussion that helps you to grow in your career and get what you want out of your employment.

Indeed - personal growth and other HR type things. Once a month max I'd think, certainly not once a week. At once a week you soon run out of HR stuff and start talking about operation matters again.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#224

Post by klyrs »

My manager's generic concerns are:

1. Are you happy with your work? I talk about what I'm proud of, what I'm bored with, what I'm putting off out of dread. We occasionally problem-solve around the third one buy usually it's a petty complaint that I need to voice before rolling up my sleeves and our meetings are early in the week.

2. Is anything in your way of making progress? I rarely have much to say because ICs at my company maintain as much fluidity as we can and I'm not shy about talking about my difficulties in public.

3. Are there any problems I'm not aware of? This is where I get an opportunity to percolate issues upwards. Sometimes bad processes make extra work, occasionally somebody's contributions are going unnoticed, etc. Sometimes this is fruitful, sometimes problems aren't going to be resolved. My manager just doesn't have that much power, but at least we've got rapport.

I frequently turn these questions around on my manager. It's good to know what's going on in his head, and I occasionally get to help problem-solve.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#225

Post by somewhereoutth »

brianwawok wrote: post #157
somewhereoutth wrote: post #151

I consider 1:1s to be lethal for team working, and only make sense if each report is completely siloed. If, as in the real world, we are working together on projects as teams then any decision making made or direction given behind closed doors without team awareness will cause serious problems with cohesion. There is nothing more annoying than trying to figure out what this person has been instructed by their manager…

I don’t think you understand what a good 1:1 is. If you think a 1:1 is a secret meeting to tell you secrets, you have no clue. I’d suggest reading up on it somewhere, for example Claire at knowyourteam has some blogs and ebooks that give a high level.

Ah but if you give (or force) people the opportunity to do the wrong thing, they will almost invariably do it, best of intentions or otherwise. HR stuff gets exhausted soon enough, and then you are back to operational matters and the problems begin.

I'm sure there are lots of blogs and ebooks about 1:1s, but I doubt they approach them with the requisite critical mindset for a clear view, given that they themselves are a product of this somewhat anachronistic management culture - bear in mind that in the US an employee is 'owned' by the employer to a rather greater extent than in Europe.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#226

Post by ryanSrich »

theshrike79 wrote: post #198
ryanSrich wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What does this have to do with my comment? I never said don’t talk to your employees ever. A recurring 1v1 where you have to poke and prod information out of a subordinate is not constructive. If you have concerns, bring them up when they happen. No need to pull teeth every few weeks just to make yourself feel better as a manager.

If you need to "poke and prod" your "subordinate", I don't know if you're someone I'd like to work with. The whole feel of your text gives me the vibe of an 80's cop show interrogation and you're the cop who's about to retire and doesn't care. When I did 1:1's I had lunch (on the company's dime) with the team member. If they wanted to bring up something work related, that was their opportunity. I might bring up some…

> If you need to "poke and prod" your "subordinate"

This was my interpretation of the comment I was replying to. Here's what they wrote "A good people-person manager can get the employee to bring up things they otherwise wouldn't think of.". To me, that's a nice way of saying poke and prod. I'm not advocating for that.

> When I did 1:1's I had lunch (on the company's dime) with the team member. If they wanted to bring up something work related, that was their opportunity. I might bring up some general news about the team or company if I wanted their comments on it without a crowd around. Some asked for raises, brought up need for new training or interest in another kind of task within the company. With some we just chatted about video games and whatever for the duration.

That sounds fine to me, but why schedule a recurring meeting to do this? I'm not against meeting up with people and shooting the shit. I'm not against bringing up and discussing issues. I'm not against helping someone grow and flourish in their career. What I'm saying is that 1v1s are a horrible way to do any of those things. Recurring meetings in general are a horrible way to get anything constructive done. My suggestion is to be more proactive in how you manage. Don't wait for a 1v1 to discuss things. It's the same for all-hands. I despise all-hands meetings with a passion. It's a horribly inefficient way of setting company-wide expectations, doing an announcement, or whatever it is executive teams use all-hands for now.

> The point is to accommodate people who are not comfortable contacting you directly about issues or feel that they can bring them up in a group. When you have a regular routine meeting with them that has no real set agenda, they know that in the next two weeks they'll have an opportunity to bring any issues to you in an informal setting.

This is incredibly easily solved by having open office hours. It achieves the same goal without the stress inducing event sitting on the employee's calendar for them to worry about hours before and after the meeting.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#227

Post by dschiavu »

If there's anything that needs to be discussed, we discuss it, good or bad.

Otherwise, we fill the rest of the 30 minutes with discussions about the weather, our hobbies, our daily lives. Given I work fully remotely and live alone (but do maintain a relatively good social life, nonetheless), this is one of the few work meetings I actually look forward to. I'm lucky that my line manager is a really nice person who shares many of my interests and hobbies as well.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#229

Post by no-dr-onboard »

xyzelement wrote: post #128

In brief: 1. What worries you? Not some blatant project stuff but bigger deal issues. "How do I learn enough here to make a lot more money in a few years" or "I don't understand how our product is going to make money in this environment". Stuff like that is probably on your mind in some way (unless you are an unthinking dolt, but you wouldn't be asking this if you were) - get it out there and gain perspective. 2. Bli…

I've had the same experience with my manager:

1. Meta-level discussions/sounding board on what I'm currently chewing on as it relates to my job. ex: "I came across a discussion that I observed with my mentor (at a past job) and his peer. I saw that my mentor was prone providing harmful/useless-speculation when critiquing someone's project. It made me reflect on how I $HABIT_A, $HABIT_B, and $HABIT_C in my interactions; I want to change it." This point is dependent on your relationship with your manager and whether or not they have the patience to listen to this type of navel gazing. I've been fortunate enough to have managers that don't mind this.

2. Pain points. This is what good managers typically want to hear. They want to hear what is keeping you from performing your job to the fullest. Is there anything that they can head off for you. Is there anything that they can take off your plate (or put more of, on) to help?

3. Getting to know them better. As a reporter to my manager I work on trying to bring up little things. It's smalltalk, but moves mountains in terms of breaking the forms and molds of manager/reporter relationships. One of my managers has a daughter in soccer, and mine is as well. We talk about soccer and the best way to stay warm during the practices. Little things.

Re: Ask HN: What do you talk about in 1-on-1s with your managers?

#230

Post by no-dr-onboard »

rajeshp1986 wrote: post #150
htrp wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also add where you want to be career-wise so that they can support you in this.

Very generic answer IMO. In practice, it gets pretty tiring and boring to talk about it after couple of meetings with manager and bringing it up in every weekly 1:1 will have your manager avoid/cancel meetings with you. I tried following this generic advice and noticed it hurts more than it does good.

If you're finding that your 1:1's are increasingly useless, consider spacing them out more. Ask to meet every other week or monthly. Set an agenda with things to talk about that are important to the role. Additionally, setting hard time limits will condense it to what matters. Start with 30m every other week, move to 15 or monthly if it still isn't useful.
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