When I was younger I learned that loaning money to friends, and then asking to be repaid, sucks. You're made to feel like you're some sort of Scrooge character. Now I either simply give whatever is asked, and make it clear I do not wish to be paid back, or just say no. Initially it seemed logical to say OK you need 100 bucks for this or that and you'll get me back. But then a month later I'd mention it and was met wi…
Neither a borrower nor a lender be, For loan oft loses both itself and friend, And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. Farewell. My blessing season this in thee. In cases where I feel I need to, I clarify it's a gift and if they really feel the need to repay later, they can pay it forward o…
I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
281–290 of 344 posts
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#282Earlier quoted context omitted.
The risk of them not being able to pay you back and thus destroying the friendship is so high that I wouldn’t recommend this unless you are ok with losing that person as a friend OR you just give them the money without expectation of it being paid back.
If $7k destroys a friendship, it's not really that close of a friendship. Sure, there should be some consequences for not paying it back, but incessant mockery and refusal to pay for McDonald's is probably a fair exchange. "Give people lots of leeway, but only once" has worked out well so far. People can't fool you into making a big mistake twice, and once is just the cost of doing business^W^Wfriendship. On the othe…
Asking for a loan and not paying it back is the equivalent of lying to your friend.
Is a big lie to exploit a friendship enough to in the friendship?
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#283Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#284Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd honestly hope that person wouldn't make it seem like it is a loan. I'd hope they just said "hey, here's money." Seems like a major jerk move to structure the "loan" in a way where you remove these people from your life.
Sorry to say, but not everyone you meet is worth keeping in your life. This is just one way of filtering the people who aren't worth keeping, out. Those that are worth keeping, and really are just temporarily down on their luck, will repay the loan and continue interacting with this person, none the wiser.
Well, certainly not everyone who askes me to borrow a couple hundred dollars fits into that category....
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#285Earlier quoted context omitted.
I'd honestly hope that person wouldn't make it seem like it is a loan. I'd hope they just said "hey, here's money." Seems like a major jerk move to structure the "loan" in a way where you remove these people from your life.
It's an efficient and polite way of determining if your "loan" actually helps them, or they are going to be a bottomless pit of misery and $ requests. If the loan helps them, they will be able to pay it back and all will be well. If it doesn't help them, then there's likely no value in giving them more money. If you want be charitable, there's certainly more efficient ways than giving free money to random people who…
It's super inefficient, and it's absolutely not polite.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#286Earlier quoted context omitted.
Why would McGee be the one paying Carmack back after all these years if that were the case? Can you imagine Walter White paying back Elliot for some long forgotten debt out of his drug money?
Because it was a loan ?
Your comment makes sense in the context of my comment, but not in the overall context of the thread.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#287Everyone should read “Timon of Athens” - some say Shakespeare’s worst, but it’s my favorite. Whenever I think about lending, or asking for a loan or help (I am terribly short on money and very sad about it) - I remember this story.
I've never read it or seen it performed. So I read the synopsis in Wikipedia; it's such a desperately sad story I can't imagine having it as a favourite however well done it might be.
The synopsis reads almost as though written by Sophocles two thousand years earlier.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#288Earlier quoted context omitted.
Because it was a loan ?
Your comment makes sense in the context of my comment, but not in the overall context of the thread.
You can feel both slighted by and indebted to the same individual.
Regardless of whether or not McGee feels like he deserved to have been better compensated by id software for his contributions, he feels personally indebted to John Carmack for the money he borrowed.
And in the case of feeling slighted, while he could justify never paying Carmack back by saying that since Carmack was one of the founder/owners of the company that slighted him, this was just money Carmack owed him, he has not taken that tack.
It is possible to compartmentalize.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#289Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your comment makes sense in the context of my comment, but not in the overall context of the thread.
You can feel both slighted by and indebted to the same individual. Regardless of whether or not McGee feels like he deserved to have been better compensated by id software for his contributions, he feels personally indebted to John Carmack for the money he borrowed. And in the case of feeling slighted, while he could justify never paying Carmack back by saying that since Carmack was one of the founder/owners of the c…
That's the correct take, thanks.
Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me
#290I loaned a close college friend $7000 last year. Due to life circumstances and lack of family resources, he was stuck in a rural area with no developer jobs. He was having trouble landing a remote job and I ignorantly asked why he wasn’t applying to in-person jobs on the west coast. He told me that he certainly wouldn’t be able to afford to move and I told him “don’t let that stop you”. Fronting him moving expenses w…
> I guess my message is: sometimes loaning money won’t work out, but when it does, the ROI (emotionally and for society) is extremely high.
My personal attitude has always been that you should loan money without the expectation that it be returned. You can't be let down if you had no expectations to begin with.