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I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

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Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#51

Post by cypress66 »

gernb wrote: post #27
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

It's very generous of you. I'd like to point out my experience of taking the loan and never repaying it. I felt guilty for decades and more distant from the loaner. They never brought it up but my guilty mind did. So I'm not 100% sure it was a net positive for our relationship. If I was to do loan money and they didn't pay back in some reasonable amount of time I think I'd tell them explicitly it was a gift. Though I…

Why didn't you repay them?

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#52

Post by jamra »

monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

This reminds me of the one lady from my previous job that lost her daughter. We held a fundraiser at work. She made a lot of money out of it. Then she lost her niece. It was so sad to have misery strike twice. Until she lost another niece. Then we checked up on it. Nobody had died.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#53

Post by post_break »

I hate that there are two types of people, people who ask for money and have no issues ghosting, and then those who ask and pay back like it's a loan shark coming for them in their eyes.

I have only had to ask to borrow money a few times, and man it hits so hard. I loath the experience. I sent $50 to someone who needed some cash to buy groceries and they said they would send it back when they could but didn't and I'm ok with it.

It hurts knowing how little (depending on wealth) it would take to change someones life. I'm still paying back a loan from someone so I could afford to buy my first house and damn does it still sting. I had to save every single cent just to afford the down payment, and it wasn't enough.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#55

Post by smt88 »

wkat4242 wrote: post #46
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

Why would you pay so much just for them not to annoy you? That seems a very high price for some peace and quiet. I would just cut off contact with those people. I don't really get this much because I'm not rich, but if people ask me for loans just to get money out of me I will be the one breaking off contact. On the other hand I have a friend of mine who has loaned money and never paid me back, but she is always in a…

Yeah, this is incredibly bizarre, to the point of being hard to believe

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#56

Post by pyb »

savanaly wrote: post #33
pyb wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like McGee might not have got his fair share of Id's success. Maybe Carmack felt bad about that.

Why would McGee be the one paying Carmack back after all these years if that were the case? Can you imagine Walter White paying back Elliot for some long forgotten debt out of his drug money?

Because it was a loan ?

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#58

Post by asveikau »

fdye wrote: post #31
monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

Same. Several years ago I had an ex-GF of sorts reach out to me in SF. She was passing through and wanted to say hi, etc. I had a couple hours before my shift at a bar I worked at so I swung by where she was, bought her a drink, etc. Immediately could tell she was in a bad place, looked like her occasional drug use had become a permanent, more hard kind. About halfway through the drink was a clumsy come on and a push…

> She thought I was crazy and was laughing cause I had been conned by an ex. I then explained if I never saw my $40 again it was money well spent. One less person in my life bringing with it their chaos

I was surprised by some of this, especially this last part.

Firstly, $40 is not a lot of money. Hardly a "big con".

Second, I think the "money well spent" part is that you helped her in some small amount, when it was obvious she was suffering, and you didn't expect anything in return.

I think if she had come back expecting continued/sustained support, then you'd be right to pull away. But that sounds like the story of somebody who struggled in that moment and you gave some small gesture of support. I think it's good. Hardly an "investment to get her to leave you alone". That sounds too cynical and harsh.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#59

Post by Karawebnetwork »

monero-xmr wrote: post #2

I loan money to people and never expect to be repaid. If someone asks for $2k I give them $5k. $400 give them $1k. Sometimes I get paid back. Usually not. It’s because people are aware I have money so various people ask. The goal isn’t to get paid back. Often these acquaintances cut off all contact. The goal is to never be asked for money again and slowly bled out by frequent sob stories. If they know they are alread…

Could it be that by loaning more money than they expected, they spent that money and then entered into a negative cycle where they were never able to gather the money again?

I used to do the same thing as you on a smaller scale (in the hundreds, never the thousands). I noticed that while loaning more money made more sense to me, whenever I did that it was a struggle to get the money back. Meanwhile when I loaned the exact amount, it more often came back.

I lost several friendships this way for a short while, with the only way to get the person out of the guilt cycle to surprise them at some random Christmas or birthday with "my gift to you this year is to give you the money you owe me". With them later telling me that they were feeling so guilty about the money they avoided talking to me because every conversation would make them feel miserable.

Now when I loan money, I enter the amount in an app we have in common and then actually put in place a (vague) payment plan. I find it helps people structure the entire situation and since they get to pay some money back the guilt is less present. It seem to remove the expectation that they need to gather the full amount before paying back.

Re: I went through a period where I loaned money to anyone that asked me

#60

Post by pyb »

znpy wrote: post #50
pyb wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sounds like McGee might not have got his fair share of Id's success. Maybe Carmack felt bad about that.

This is often not understood of successful ventures. There’s usually a fairly small circle of close people that get the biggest share of the financial pie, and others don’t get very much. I’ve seen a few situations where some friends ended up earning a regular salary at startups when the closed circle made millions. So yeah you can brag about working at $trendy_company but that doesn’t financially translate into anyt…

Definitely. We still have this unfair situation today, where "founders" get most of the upside, and "founding engineers" hired immediately after get ~1% or less.
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