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What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

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Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#41

Post by impostervt »

lotsofpulp wrote: post #35
impostervt wrote: post #10

Did this with both my kids. The first one, probably not until 8 months old. The second we did earlier, at like 6 months. Prior to sleep training the first one, I'd have to carry her around and sing to her for almost an hour before she'd go to sleep. It was rough sleep training her. Took less than a week, with the first 2 days being the worst (probably 3+ hours of repeatedly checking in). Anyway, both kids adapted and…

Did your kids get sick a lot? Mine went to daycare, and picked up a virus literally every other week. We could not continue sleep training while she was sick and crying from congestions/fever/etc so we just coslept. With the second, we decided beforehand not to bother with sleep training, since he is our last and we liked the feeling of sleeping with them. They both sleep alone now, although we put them to sleep by c…

No, they didn't attend day care until later.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#43

Post by gwnywg »

When my wife was pregnant we purchased very nice bed with eco matress in it and all sort of development toys attached to it. When our child reached a few months we tried to get him sleep over there but after a few days resigned (damn british floors making noises when you walk on them...) Plus I'm a sleep walker (very mild but still) so when we had our first child I opted to sleep in living room while my wife had our child with her at night. Kids have no problems sleeping in their beds now, though it requires discipline in applying daily routine, otherwise sleep time can slip a lot...

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#46

Post by agitators1 »

darrmit wrote: post #12

I'm more interested in the long-term psychological effects of sleep training and how it affects a child's perception of "secure attachment" [1]. We sleep trained our oldest and did not our youngest and their personalities couldn't be more different. Of course, this may be entirely unrelated, but it's still something my wife and I have wondered about as we've learned more about it. [1] https://www.betterhelp.com/advic…

> I'm more interested in the long-term psychological effects of sleep training

There don’t appear to be any.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#47

Post by themaninthedark »

jbirer wrote: post #2

[flagged]

I don't know how much experience you have with babies, yes they cry for a reason. Sometimes that reason is they need/want something, sometimes it is because they are gassy and their stomach hurts. Sometimes it is because they are tired, in which case it may be preferential to help them learn that they should sleep when tired and not cry and keep themselves awake.

Also you talk about parental selfishness.

Parents have to be selfish and kids have to learn to wait. Parental mental health is important, especially for first time parents. Babies will take everything you give them and still want more, it is up to the parent to set boundaries.

One of the first pieces of advice I have seen and heard from many sources to new parents is that if the baby is crying and you can no longer handle the stress, to put the baby in a safe place and go for a walk. The reason we have this messaging being shared so widely is because new parents have a societal expectation that they MUST do everything to take care of the baby and if it is crying then you are not doing a good job, that expectation and view is what leads to shaken babies and infanticide.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#48

Post by ramijames »

lazide wrote: post #15
darrmit wrote: post #12

I'm more interested in the long-term psychological effects of sleep training and how it affects a child's perception of "secure attachment" [1]. We sleep trained our oldest and did not our youngest and their personalities couldn't be more different. Of course, this may be entirely unrelated, but it's still something my wife and I have wondered about as we've learned more about it. [1] https://www.betterhelp.com/advic…

The same happens regularly without sleep training too, so ymmv obviously. One thing I will note - if the kid doesn’t sleep and wakes up the adults for years, that impact pretty clearly ruins the adults, and has severe impacts on the kids too.

Haven't slept in ten years, can confirm: am ruined.

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#49

Post by agitators1 »

anon291 wrote: post #6

Part of this is that Americans have an obsession with babies sleeping in another room and in another bed. My family immigrated here and no one ever did that. Children sleep with their parents.

> Americans have an obsession with babies sleeping in another room and in another bed.

“America” is a big country, with many world cultures in it.

anyway, the non Western world is obsessed with full time childcare being compulsory for women. Why are you even talking about this?

Re: What happens when babies are left to cry it out?

#50

Post by georgeburdell »

trilbyglens wrote: post #42

Didn't sleep train and now our 9yo expects to come to our bed every damned night. Big regret.

This is my fear as well. Coworkers have mentioned similar where their wives co-sleep well into elementary school. I’ve met some of those kids, and they just don’t seem well adjusted — as in, during the day they don’t play by themselves unless a parent is nearby. My wife is in the same camp and just cannot bear our kids (1 and 3) crying, so it sabotages any attempt at training them to be independent at night. I finally had to banish her to a remote bedroom while I sleep train them.

I trained both of them at 1 and it only took a few days in a crib. The older one now has his own bed, so that’s been more challenging.

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