Worst Opening Sentences of 2022 • Hacker News Board

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#121

Post by bombcar » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 4:05 AM UTC

ttctciyf wrote: post #115

eatonphil wrote: post #74

> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard. > Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian o…

If you like Adams there's a good chance you'll appreciate some of Robert Sheckley - I recommend Mindswap in particular. FWIW, my own favourite humorous sci-fi short is R.A. Lafferty's Been a Long Long Time which can be read online: https://www.gwern.net/docs/fiction/humor/1970-lafferty.pdf

Lafferty’s short stories are an underappreciated treasure. I’ve been collecting the reprints as they become available.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#122

Post by mbg721 » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 4:36 AM UTC

a_c wrote: post #33

Non-native english speaker here Why are these openings bad?

As enkid said, they're written specifically for the contest. I think you're supposed to assume that the "bad" novel that goes with them is mostly intended to be serious, or at least that it isn't made up of non-stop slapstick humor. Most of them are parodying genre cliches, and especially the fantasy ones seem to break the fourth wall and complain about made-up words and spelling. Many of the first lines would work if the entire novel is a parody, and if the rest of the writing doesn't run out of steam and become boring.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#123

Post by SOLAR_FIELDS » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 5:09 AM UTC

sph wrote: post #54

senectus1 wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

lol Honestly i think the 2019 grand winner is the best still >2019 Grand Prize >Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago.

I somehow missed he's called Brad Brad. More crap to add to the steaming pile this sentence is. Absolutely masterful.

The half assed alliteration adds an aspect of joy to the already audacious anecdote

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#124

Post by alx__ » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 5:26 AM UTC

mrexroad wrote: post #87

rubyron wrote: post #71

> All I can say is that I have never been so insulted (even by the likes of my moronic sister (who seems to delight in making me uncomfortable (and she is so good at it, knowing just how to push my buttons (which I think is a skill that all siblings possess to some extent (which I believe proves some sort of genetic link (despite the fact that I really enjoyed genetics in school (relating on so many levels to Gregor…

I tend to write with an excessive amount of parenthesis with context/tangents. I used to joke it was due to Lisp/Scheme being one of my first languages. Took me a few years to realize the ADD connection.

So the venn diagram of ADD(ADHD is the preferred term these day) folks and Lisp(Scheme if you're fancy) programmers is a circle?

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#125

Post by vlmutolo » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 5:46 AM UTC

astrange wrote: post #25

Don't forget to check the Lyttle Lytton, which is funnier (as it's shorter) and also makes you wonder how he got that domain name. http://adamcadre.ac/22lyttle.html

Lyttle Lyton is definitely the better contest. It's easy to make writing bad when it's long and confusing. Perfectly crafting a brief opening sentence is so much harder.

My all-time favorite was from 2018:

> The wizard’s beard was long, much like Gandalf’s in The Lord of the Rings trilogy, who was also a wizard.

It's perfect.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#126

Post by salawat » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 5:59 AM UTC

AnimalMuppet wrote: post #83

bearmode wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe the novel's about the bears?

The bears being pursued by humans because they ate the girl, and therefore having to leave their nice home and live life on the run.

Starring Liam Neeson as the hunter...

Goldilocks

They ate his little girl... Now he's pissed.

Coming to a theater near you.

Plot twist: Was a frame job by the Big Bad Wolf.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#127

Post by naruhodo » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 6:46 AM UTC

rubyron wrote: post #71

> All I can say is that I have never been so insulted (even by the likes of my moronic sister (who seems to delight in making me uncomfortable (and she is so good at it, knowing just how to push my buttons (which I think is a skill that all siblings possess to some extent (which I believe proves some sort of genetic link (despite the fact that I really enjoyed genetics in school (relating on so many levels to Gregor…

I bet they speak with a lisp.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#128

Post by sph » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 7:17 AM UTC

mnky9800n wrote: post #104

mrexroad wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I tend to write with an excessive amount of parenthesis with context/tangents. I used to joke it was due to Lisp/Scheme being one of my first languages. Took me a few years to realize the ADD connection.

I do this to get it out, then I rewrite it to take all the parentheticals out.

Those parentheticals can be rewritten with commas, which sent me on an exploratory tangent trying to see if one could use commas instead of parens in Lisp.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#129

Post by emmelaich » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 7:22 AM UTC

mrexroad wrote: post #87

rubyron wrote: post #71

> All I can say is that I have never been so insulted (even by the likes of my moronic sister (who seems to delight in making me uncomfortable (and she is so good at it, knowing just how to push my buttons (which I think is a skill that all siblings possess to some extent (which I believe proves some sort of genetic link (despite the fact that I really enjoyed genetics in school (relating on so many levels to Gregor…

I tend to write with an excessive amount of parenthesis with context/tangents. I used to joke it was due to Lisp/Scheme being one of my first languages. Took me a few years to realize the ADD connection.

Linus overuses parentheses. Or rather, parenthetical remarks. It's interesting.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#130

Post by emmelaich » Sat, Dec 17, 2022, 7:26 AM UTC

Prompt: write me a bad opening sentence to enter in the bulwer-lytton contest

Response: > "As the sun set on the dusty plains, John pulled his sweat-drenched shirt away from his stick-thin frame and gazed longingly at the flickering neon sign of the only bar for miles, silently praying for a cold beer to quench his thirst and dull the pain of his troubled past."