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Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

bulwer-lytton.com

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Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#71

Post by rubyron »

> All I can say is that I have never been so insulted (even by the likes of my moronic sister (who seems to delight in making me uncomfortable (and she is so good at it, knowing just how to push my buttons (which I think is a skill that all siblings possess to some extent (which I believe proves some sort of genetic link (despite the fact that I really enjoyed genetics in school (relating on so many levels to Gregor Mendel and his peas (but of course peas make me gag, since my throat swells when I eat them)))))))) as I was by someone suggesting that I have ADD.

Brilliant.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#73

Post by willi59549879 »

sph wrote: post #53
enkid wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I mean, it doesn't leave much room for the rest of the novel, but maybe that's the point.

It's very post-modern. You start with the ending, and then the rest of the book is how everything that happened led to her untimely demise.

three weeks earlier... i don't like when stories start that way

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#74

Post by eatonphil »

> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard.

> Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian of the Tome of Remembrance, Herald of the Immortal Word, Voice of the Histories Both Recent and Ancient, Archivist of the Eternal Ledger, and Memory of the Empire had forgotten his quill, but he was pretty sure he got the gist of what what’s-his-face was saying.

(From the actual 2022 page: https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2022.)

Pretty good. :) These remind me of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams in style. I wish I knew more hilarious writers. Vonnegut is great though maybe not quite as hilarious. I've tried to read The Innocents Abroad and Confederacy of Dunces but I found myself only trudging slowly through both. I'd love your suggestions!

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#77

Post by idontpost »

permo-w wrote: post #57
sph wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's very post-modern. You start with the ending, and then the rest of the book is how everything that happened led to her untimely demise.

it’s barely post-modern. it’s a boring and overused tv plot technique that makes me groan whenever I come across it. build up excitement, tension, drama, create an interesting scene, then throw it all away with a “how did we get here” and a roll back in time

No post body was provided.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#78

Post by bearmode »

enkid wrote: post #37
jamessb wrote: post #20

The current title of this submission ("Worst Opening Sentences of 2022") is not quite correct: the about page [1] states that "the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels". The opening sentence of (what would be) the worst novel is different to the worst opening sentence of a novel. The Children's & Young Adult Literature Winner for 2022 [2] i…

I mean, it doesn't leave much room for the rest of the novel, but maybe that's the point.

Maybe the novel's about the bears?

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#79

Post by dbingham »

I think I have a taste for absurdist humor, because a lot of these read like openings to fantastically funny satire. At least to me.

With the exception of the Sci-Fi category -- those all read like high school pornographic fan fic. Honestly, I'm pretty disappointed in the sci-fi category. Seems like low hanging fruit. Surely they could have done better!

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#80

Post by mirekrusin »

senectus1 wrote: post #26
GrayShade wrote: post #3

The link currently points to the 2019 winners, the correct one is: https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2022

lol Honestly i think the 2019 grand winner is the best still >2019 Grand Prize >Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago.

Reads like opening to Stanislaw Lem's short.
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