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Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

bulwer-lytton.com

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Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#111

Post by dylan604 »

bostik wrote: post #108
jamessb wrote: post #20

The current title of this submission ("Worst Opening Sentences of 2022") is not quite correct: the about page [1] states that "the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels". The opening sentence of (what would be) the worst novel is different to the worst opening sentence of a novel. The Children's & Young Adult Literature Winner for 2022 [2] i…

My all-time favourite is the dishonourable mention for 2004 Children's Literature: As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made out the word…

Aerosmith's "You can't catch me 'cause the rabbit done died" seems apropos here

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#112

Post by mkehrt »

kibwen wrote: post #52

I have complicated feelings about the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest. On the one hand, from a lighthearted perspective, it's quite funny and I enjoy reading the absurdist entries. On the other hand, I can't help but sense an undercurrent of wannabe-elitism from people who doth protest too much about "It was a dark and stormy night", in the same way that beginner programmers will fixate on minutiae like indentation or…

But it's "It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#113

Post by codq »

tspike wrote: post #84
eatonphil wrote: post #74

> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard. > Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian o…

Check out Tom Robbins if you haven't already! Here's the opening to Jitterbug Perfume: > THE BEET IS THE MOST INTENSE of vegetables. > The radish, admittedly, is more feverish, but the fire of the radish is a cold fire, the fire of discontent not of passion. Tomatoes are lusty enough, yet there runs through tomatoes an undercurrent of frivolity. Beets are deadly serious. > Slavic peoples get their physical characteri…

Jitterbug Perfurme, like most of Tom Robbins' novels, is just filled with gold nuggets on every page.

Reading him is like eating mushrooms and strolling through the garden of eden.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#114

Post by aantix »

rubyron wrote: post #71

> All I can say is that I have never been so insulted (even by the likes of my moronic sister (who seems to delight in making me uncomfortable (and she is so good at it, knowing just how to push my buttons (which I think is a skill that all siblings possess to some extent (which I believe proves some sort of genetic link (despite the fact that I really enjoyed genetics in school (relating on so many levels to Gregor…

Looks like the author has been writing Scheme code on the weekends..

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#115

Post by ttctciyf »

eatonphil wrote: post #74

> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard. > Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian o…

If you like Adams there's a good chance you'll appreciate some of Robert Sheckley - I recommend Mindswap in particular.

FWIW, my own favourite humorous sci-fi short is R.A. Lafferty's Been a Long Long Time which can be read online: https://www.gwern.net/docs/fiction/humor/1970-lafferty.pdf

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#116

Post by OkayPhysicist »

astrange wrote: post #25

Don't forget to check the Lyttle Lytton, which is funnier (as it's shorter) and also makes you wonder how he got that domain name. http://adamcadre.ac/22lyttle.html

I must be missing the joke, but what about the domain name is odd? Name+relatively obscure TLD doesn't seem too weird.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#117

Post by eatonphil »

nicopappl wrote: post #106
eatonphil wrote: post #74

> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard. > Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian o…

I recommend Stanisław Lem's Cyberiad. The English translation has amazing prose and it is hilarious. I can't recommend anything else :) I like Charles Stross, good sci-fi with a satirical strike, but he's not as good with words as the authors you mention.

Just picked it up. I'm surprised it reads so well as a translation! I'd have thought it pretty hard to translate wordplay well.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#118

Post by astrange »

OkayPhysicist wrote: post #116
astrange wrote: post #25

Don't forget to check the Lyttle Lytton, which is funnier (as it's shorter) and also makes you wonder how he got that domain name. http://adamcadre.ac/22lyttle.html

I must be missing the joke, but what about the domain name is odd? Name+relatively obscure TLD doesn't seem too weird.

Before TLD expansion I think it was kind of rare to get an x.y domain as an individual, they were all taken or squatted.

This one in particular has some rare ones - someone has http://www.ac.

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