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lol Honestly i think the 2019 grand winner is the best still >2019 Grand Prize >Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago.
Brad Brad. What a lad. It can’t be that bad.
I have complicated feelings about the Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest. On the one hand, from a lighthearted perspective, it's quite funny and I enjoy reading the absurdist entries. On the other hand, I can't help but sense an undercurrent of wannabe-elitism from people who doth protest too much about "It was a dark and stormy night", in the same way that beginner programmers will fixate on minutiae like indentation or…
[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Money_(play) I have a 1891 edition by Friedberg & Mode, Berlin, with only the German footnotes in fracture while the rest in a readable serif font.
> All I can say is that I have never been so insulted (even by the likes of my moronic sister (who seems to delight in making me uncomfortable (and she is so good at it, knowing just how to push my buttons (which I think is a skill that all siblings possess to some extent (which I believe proves some sort of genetic link (despite the fact that I really enjoyed genetics in school (relating on so many levels to Gregor…
I tend to write with an excessive amount of parenthesis with context/tangents. I used to joke it was due to Lisp/Scheme being one of my first languages. Took me a few years to realize the ADD connection.
Grand Prize winner? I would read that book in a heartbeat!
> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard. > Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian o…
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They're supposed to be bad. Terrible, in fact.
GP is aware of that. They are pointing one out that they believe does not belong on the list.
The current title of this submission ("Worst Opening Sentences of 2022") is not quite correct: the about page [1] states that "the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels". The opening sentence of (what would be) the worst novel is different to the worst opening sentence of a novel. The Children's & Young Adult Literature Winner for 2022 [2] i…
As he entered the room within which so many a wild night of their sweltering love affair had been spent, the White Rabbit regarded her with benevolent eyes, her posture such that he suspected something was wrong, but before he could speak Alice unburied her face from her trembling hands and between her intense sobs he made out the words, "I'm late . . . I'm late."
Perfect. Simply perfect.
Perhaps my standards are just too low, but some of these are actually quite brilliant. I laughed at this one: > Realising that his symptoms indicated a virtually undetectable, fast acting neurotoxin, CIA coroner Quinn Abner frantically wrote up the details, lay on the floor and, as a professional courtesy, did his best to draw a chalk outline of himself.
> “Hoist the mainsail ye accursed swine” shouted the Captain over the roar of the waves as the ship was tossed like a cork dropped from a wine bottle into a jacuzzi when the faucet is wide open and the jets are running full blast and one has just settled into the water with a glass of red wine to ease the aches and pains after a day of hard labor raking leaves from the front yard. > Sir Reginald Brimwater, Guardian o…
It's definitely a step up in terms of reader effort, but I found it worth it. It doesn't compare well to Pratchett and Adams who are more like a writer's variant of the stand-up comedian (a lot of the entries in this contest feel stylistically close to their writing). A Confederacy of Dunces instead shines in its portrayal of the comically pitiful characters within it, with John Kennedy Toole succeeding in making the cringe-worthy protagonist Ignatius J. Reilly one of the most loathsome characters I have ever come across in a novel.