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Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

bulwer-lytton.com

11–20 of 154 posts

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#11
post #5

And obvious trait of all those is too much postmodernism. Instead of trying to lay out a story about human beings, books start name-dropping or being smart from the line 1. Trying to claim too much context that they don't own but obviously going to exploit.

This is a contest where contestants intentionally set out to write the worst opening sentence possible.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#13
post #5

And obvious trait of all those is too much postmodernism. Instead of trying to lay out a story about human beings, books start name-dropping or being smart from the line 1. Trying to claim too much context that they don't own but obviously going to exploit.

This is a contest where contestants intentionally set out to write the worst opening sentence possible.

And what makes it even funnier is that they all sound like they could be from a real Dan Brown novel.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#14
post #4

Dishonorable Mention (2019): > As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Fr…

That is a) SUPERB, and b) a perfect example of the Dan Brown Code[1]. [1] http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.h...

I hadn't read any Dan Brown, gee that's really bad! So, the sentence maybe should've been rearranged so the book starts with Square-jawed, getting right into the action.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#15
post #4

Dishonorable Mention (2019): > As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Fr…

That is a) SUPERB, and b) a perfect example of the Dan Brown Code[1]. [1] http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.h...

For more on Dan Brown, see this hilarious parody:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/books/authors/dont-make-fun-of-r...

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a contest where contestants intentionally set out to write the worst opening sentence possible.

And what makes it even funnier is that they all sound like they could be from a real Dan Brown novel.

Or Charles Stross, or Peter Watts. A lot of modern prose starts with illusions of grandeur and name-dropping.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#17
I'm a big fan of Peter F. Hamilton but hadn't read any of his Greg Mandel books, the first of which, and his first published novel, I finished the other week.

Well...there's a quite a few nuggets of prose in Mindstar Rising that wouldn't be out of place in this list. Thankfully his writing improved quite a bit, and/or he employed better editors.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#18
post #4

Dishonorable Mention (2019): > As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Fr…

That is a) SUPERB, and b) a perfect example of the Dan Brown Code[1]. [1] http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.h...

Thanks for sharing this link! I read it eagerly on my laptop, with the text of the article presenting itself as a perfect companion to the soothing glow of the screen of my sleek (yet familiar, like an old friend you only just met) portable computing device.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#20
The current title of this submission ("Worst Opening Sentences of 2022") is not quite correct: the about page [1] states that "the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels".

The opening sentence of (what would be) the worst novel is different to the worst opening sentence of a novel.

The Children's & Young Adult Literature Winner for 2022 [2] is actually a good opening sentence:

> Three bears arrived at their den to discover a yellow haired girl sleeping, and as she was neither too hot nor too cold, neither too soft nor too hard, but just right, they ate her.

[1]: https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/about

[2]: https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2022

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