Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

> As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Frank Lloyd Wright for designing such a circuitous route out of the building.

is both horrifying and a thing of wonder .. context is everything.

It wouldn't be out of place in one of my all time favourite books [1].

[1] http://www.ocelotfactory.com/hoban/kleinz.html

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#5

Post by thriftwy » Fri, Dec 16, 2022, 8:37 AM UTC

And obvious trait of all those is too much postmodernism. Instead of trying to lay out a story about human beings, books start name-dropping or being smart from the line 1. Trying to claim too much context that they don't own but obviously going to exploit.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#6

Post by camoufleur » Fri, Dec 16, 2022, 8:48 AM UTC

defrost wrote: post #4

Dishonorable Mention (2019): > As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Fr…

Reminds me of last 30 minutes of the film Cremaster 3, in which a man scales the inside of the Guggenheim, rock-climbing style, stopping on each floor to confront some sort a challenge from a group (line dancers, hardcore punk bands, a famous sculptor) as an abstract retelling of a Masonic origin myth.

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#7

Post by adalacelove » Fri, Dec 16, 2022, 8:55 AM UTC

GrayShade wrote: post #3

The link currently points to the 2019 winners, the correct one is: https://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2022

It's so bad that I actually like it

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#8

Post by zimpenfish » Fri, Dec 16, 2022, 9:04 AM UTC

defrost wrote: post #4

Dishonorable Mention (2019): > As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Fr…

That is a) SUPERB, and b) a perfect example of the Dan Brown Code[1].

[1] http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/~myl/languagelog/archives/000844.h...

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#9

Post by teh_klev » Fri, Dec 16, 2022, 9:04 AM UTC

thriftwy wrote: post #5

And obvious trait of all those is too much postmodernism. Instead of trying to lay out a story about human beings, books start name-dropping or being smart from the line 1. Trying to claim too much context that they don't own but obviously going to exploit.

These aren't actual books. It's a competition open to all to submit what would be the worst opening lines in an imaginary bad novel:

"Founded in 1982 at San Jose State University in California, the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest challenges entrants to compose opening sentences to the worst of all possible novels."

Re: Worst Opening Sentences of 2022

#10

Post by [deleted] » Fri, Dec 16, 2022, 9:05 AM UTC

defrost wrote: post #4

Dishonorable Mention (2019): > As they sprinted together down the echoing, looping ramp of the deserted Guggenheim Museum, closely pursued by three swarthy members of the resolutely vicious Cannelloni gang, square-jawed British Royal Marine art historian/world's deadliest sniper John Savage and his voluptuous young modern art critic/Navajo linguist Samantha Silver cursed architect/interior designer/writer/educator Fr…

[deleted]