Being a parent-at-home can be a huge mistake... I would not do it again...
No one wants to have kids anymore
411–420 of 457 posts
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#412A word of advice to anyone on the fence about having kids: There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids, but do yourself and consult with actual parents for what it’s really like to have kids. Articles like this one, which are written by someone who apparently has chosen not to have children, are almost universally terrible at representing the true experience of being a parent. Yes, being a parent involves a…
I'll never understand why the immediate response of some people is trying to coax others into having kids.
It's not so bad blabla.
Imagine someone doing the opposite to those who want them.
Some men and women just aren't interested.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#413Earlier quoted context omitted.
Everyone always says this time will be different, but you didn’t actually put forth any reasons why it would be. Fewer people from war, disease, or birth control still just means fewer people. You need to look at economics after population decline not causes of population decline to suggest why today might be different.
War and disease have existed forever and hasn’t stopped human population from exploding. Sometimes “this time is different” is actually true. What’s different about now is that you have this feedback loop of less kids -> less growth -> less kids. That’s never happened in history because people have never had so much control over their reproductive rights. Most of your ancestors were “surprise” children - you certainl…
Again you just suggested that population will decline not why that would cause economic problems. Let’s assume it does at some point hit 4 billion people and is trending down at that point, that’s still only half the argument.
You need to also justify why a world with 4 billion people would be worse for those living in it than today.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#414> I mean, fertility rates have been going down for 50 years; women are having half as many children, and some are so focused on their careers they might as well repurpose their wombs into walk-in closets.
Ah, the good old reduction of women to walking wombs.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#415Earlier quoted context omitted.
It just means what it means, I guess. You do the best you can to provide a good life for your child by whatever means are available to you. Sometimes you have to make compromises - even painful compromises. Maybe you are living paycheck to paycheck so you don't buy the new game this week. You play an old game that you already had. Maybe some mornings you have to give them a bowl of cereal instead of making eggs, beca…
> But there are many degrees of happiness between "pure utopian bliss" and "mere survival." And so many potential parents these days seem to think that if they can't do it absolutely perfectly then it's not worth doing. Where does being able to afford routine healthcare land? And I do not mean waiting in the few overcrowded clinics that take Medicaid because Medicaid reimbursed very poorly so providers do not accept…
> And I do not mean waiting in the few overcrowded clinics that take Medicaid because Medicaid reimbursed very poorly so providers do not accept it.
Sorry you had a bad experience with that growing up. Really.
As a parent I can’t say I shared that worry with only having medicaid. That was our best option before I had a job with healthcare benefits, which took me years to get to.
But I would still say it was pretty far from just “survival”.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#416I think it cliche to believe it's strictly a financial decision. In fact, in the West (afaik) the middle and upper class have a lower birth rates than those below them. Not to get subjective and fuzzy but children are a symbol of hope and promise. Any reasonable adult who is considering children has to ask themselve how to answer when the child asks, "Why? Why did you bring me into *this* world?" Who has a good answe…
> "Why? Why did you bring me into this world?" "This world as in the safest and wealthiest world we've ever known? Son, for as long as humanity has existed, we've mastered all the challenges that have been thrown at us. Challenges much worse than the ones we are currently facing, be they environmental, societal or other. You'll find your place in this world and make the best of it." Of course he'd be an angsty teenag…
Son? What?? That aside...
We are human. By definition, we are not rational. We are emotional beings. That's the way it is. That's The Science.
Furthermore, we all know the saying: Past performance is no indication of future returns.
As for the wealth of the world. Much like the future, it's unevenly distributed; and getting more and more imbalanced. Yes, extreme poverty has been reduced. But in The West, so has the middle class.
We can pitch the "we're all better off" all we want. But we're all selfish. It's ultimately about us. And if I don't feel secure about the future then in my world that future isn't secure.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#417I know this is going to be a hugely unpopular opinion, but life has no purpose if it was not for offspring. To me not wanting children gives me the same vibes as someone playing a sport or entering a competition and then not giving their absolute everything to win Gold.
All the things that give me purpose in life would be impossible or unreasonably complicated with kids.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#418Earlier quoted context omitted.
> The only solution is to ban condoms. Will solve so many problems. Is that a serious comment, or sarcasm? Because banning condoms will not solve any problems, it will create more. If you want people to have more kids, make sure they can afford more kids: pay young families more, give them the ability to buy a house big enough to raise children in, provide affordable childcare, and offer better healthcare to pregnant…
People can’t afford enough kids because there isn’t enough economic growth, because there’s not enough young people, the only solution is more people. Banning condoms - or banning premarital sex as Indonesia has done recently - are sort of the only ways out of this mess. You’ll know I am right if you live long enough - another 30 to 40 years and it will be obvious to anyone how catastrophic low birth rates can be.
For the next 30-40 years, the world's population will continue to grow. And banning condoms or sex is a bit of a weird take. I've got the feeling you're not really talking about population growth, but simply about sex you disapprove of.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#419Earlier quoted context omitted.
Babies are the worst. They take so much from you and you get so little back. Toddlerhood is when things start to get fun. Babies cry for every reason and figuring out what’s wrong (if anything) was stressful. I felt that once my kids were able to communicate, everything got easier and waaaaaay more fun. My kids are in college now and I’m so happy and proud of them but at the same time I realize that my parenting job…
> Babies cry for every reason and figuring out what’s wrong (if anything) was stressful. Yep, but it's important for would-be parents to know that that's normal and doesn't take all that long IF you are being an attentive parent. Some parents can tell by the "kind" of cry what their baby wanted. I could never do that, so I always just went through a mental checklist every time: Poopy diaper? (Usually you can smell on…
Right- it’s almost always the regular 4 things.
When they’re a young teenager, and they’re trying to kill themselves, and you have to lock up all the sharp objects, including the knives you cook with every day, constantly watch them, which means working from home before everyone was doing that, keep them out of school because the school isn’t committed to keeping an eye on suicidal people, yet still informs you that they will call the authorities if you continue to keep them out of school, AND you’re also keeping them from being institutionalized, because that’s how the system is if you don’t do all this yourself to protect your children while they are in this window of time where you could lose them.
I wouldn’t say babies are the worst. They are simple beings.
Re: No one wants to have kids anymore
#420It's funny because in my family everyone has kids. The reason being it's the only way to move out of your parents home because we don't have rich parents and no one's buying a home and affording a kid with a working class job. > Babies are a huge opportunity cost. Financially speaking, they are like winning the lottery but backwards. I can only assume OP is talking about people who work here? Here in the UK if you do…
have you considered moving to another country? If the issue is bad housing market and government policies, you'll be happy to hear that there are probably better options elsewhere. The benefits that pay for that free housing comes from your taxes, if the system seems unfair, there is no reason for you to participate, emigrate to Canada/Australia, or even somewhere more exotic if you're feeling brave.
It's funny you say that because we had this conversation just last weekend. I think it's fair to say we're seriously considering it now because we're both extremely unhappy here.
Obviously we don't want to leave though because at the end of the day this is our home and it will always be where the people we love are. But I think we both agree we're getting to the point where we really have no choice if we want the live the life we want.
Honestly the main blocker is just that the kids in my family have really crappy parents (most are prostitutes, drug dealers, or drug addicts) so we kind of act as parents. They're my family and I love them, but they're honestly the worst parents anyone could possibly have. In recent years we've had kids get falsely diagnosed with various illnesses, get expelled from school, have various dental issues, get trouble with the law, drug abuse, etc. We basically have act as the adults and be there for them because no one else is. If they have parent teacher days, it's not the parents who go, it's us. If they're suck on homework we're the ones who help them. If they're being drugged, we're the ones who step in to stop it. And it's the smaller things that I think are important, like when they're boasting about their dad stealing them a bike for their birthday, explain why that's wrong, just dumb stuff like that.
But still, I think we both know we shouldn't be this involved, but if we don't we know we'll fail them. So you know, it's hard...
Recently though my girlfriend suggested it could work if she could come home once month just to keep an eye on things, but I think that might turn out more difficult that it sounds. If we're needed, we're needed. We can't wait until the end of the month to catch a flight.