Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

No one wants to have kids anymore

torturechambersmalltalk.substack.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

191–200 of 457 posts

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#191

Post by agentwiggles »

rendall wrote: post #170
ehutch79 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Real parents consistently make it clear how terrible having kids is. The childless among us hear every complaint and lament about how terrible it is. Why would we do that to ourselves?

Real parent, here. Having a son anchored me to the (land and planet)* in a very unexpected way. Formerly, there was always an option to chuck things and go somewhere else, but now whatever is in front of me I must deal with and make happen. It's not about what I want to do any more, but the first underlying thought behind everything I do is how it will affect my son and family. Lots of former options are closed. I ca…

I strongly identify with this post. Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, there are lots of things I can't do now. But that's ok with me. It doesn't even feel like a sacrifice really. Being a dad is just part of who I am and I want to do it well just like any other thing I do.

My kids won't need me anchored forever. And I still get to go fishing, see concerts, play video games, and do other stuff I enjoy. It's not the total loss of all freedom some make it out to be.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#192

Post by skinnymuch »

dustedcodes wrote: post #80

I know this is going to be a hugely unpopular opinion, but life has no purpose if it was not for offspring. To me not wanting children gives me the same vibes as someone playing a sport or entering a competition and then not giving their absolute everything to win Gold.

Do you think this applies to others too? Some people do sports or competitions for fun. Winning is overrated.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#193

Post by dmm »

StanislavPetrov wrote: post #50
dmm wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even if you believe that the earth is overpopulated and think a shrinking population is good, you still need to consider the sustainability of that population change. Birth rates below replacement means that the proportion of elderly increases every year, forever. This means an every increasing proportion of resources has to be transferred from the working to non-working population. It will become harder and harder f…

>Birth rates below replacement means that the proportion of elderly increases every year, forever. Not when life expectancy decreases, as it is here in the United States. >It will become harder and harder for young people to build wealth and support themselves and it means fewer resources to solve the other very big problems we have such as climate change. "Big problems" like climate change because much less "big" wh…

> Not when life expectancy decreases, as it is here in the United States.

That's scary! Do you think life expectancy to continue to decrease?

> People who don't have a roof over their heads or a meal to eat aren't concerned with climate change.

Sure that's what I was trying to communicate. Climate change won't be a priority when people are struggling but it doesn't go away...

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#194

Post by AnIdiotOnTheNet »

dustedcodes wrote: post #80

I know this is going to be a hugely unpopular opinion, but life has no purpose if it was not for offspring. To me not wanting children gives me the same vibes as someone playing a sport or entering a competition and then not giving their absolute everything to win Gold.

There's no "winning" life. We're all going to die, the sun will expand to engulf the earth, and the universe has several possible endings but it ending is something physicists are pretty confident about. There's no such thing as forever, not for you, not for your genetic lineage, not for anyone or anything. So there's no clear way that having offspring is any more purposeful than anything else.

My father was a lot like you when it came to pushing the "giving everything to win" mindset. It fucked me up for life because it made it very difficult for me to relax and enjoy things for the sake of them.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#195

Post by Brajeshwar »

Hmmm! The article talks a lot less about kids but more about the process of making one.

Anyways, here is a fun tip for parents with kids at home -- give them your ChatGPT account and let them have fun. My elder daughter pretty much spent the whole night awake creating a whole bunch of rap songs. She has already sang quite a few to us at the dinner table. Topic ranges from toes to everything the kid talk about these days. Her teachers might ban her access to it if she keeps up with making fun of discussion topics in her class.

OK. Raising kids is a really bad experience 50% of the time. However, there is a slight deviation towards fulfillment and fun, say 1% -- tilting the fun and excitement part to be 51% and that 1% makes all the difference.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#196

Post by 2rsf »

Nursie wrote: post #75
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #43

A word of advice to anyone on the fence about having kids: There’s nothing wrong with choosing not to have kids, but do yourself and consult with actual parents for what it’s really like to have kids. Articles like this one, which are written by someone who apparently has chosen not to have children, are almost universally terrible at representing the true experience of being a parent. Yes, being a parent involves a…

I have friends who haven’t had a good night’s sleep in years because of one of their kids being unable to settle into normal patterns. I’m sure they’d still say it was worth it. Mind you they are getting divorced now so who knows. I think it’s fair to say YMMV on the sleep front.

Definitely YMMV, and it's not just when they are toddlers- teeanagers are a pain in the ass and will make you lose sleep, then they start dating with all the wrong people, get their heart broken, make bad life decisions and you will be able to do is watch and cry.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#197

Post by XorNot »

throwaway0asd wrote: post #130

This matter is a very clear choice: 1) Have children early at risk of living life without wealth but at minimum risk of health for all parties. 2) Delay. This risks never having children for various biological reasons for the impractically increased chance of increased wealth. As somebody who had children early, went through poverty, and now lives in a large house with a nice job I can't help but look at single peopl…

It is odd to assume people in their 30s are single by choice. Especially when, given the strain of having children on a relationship, partner quality matters a lot.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#198

Post by jlokier »

dustedcodes wrote: post #80

I know this is going to be a hugely unpopular opinion, but life has no purpose if it was not for offspring. To me not wanting children gives me the same vibes as someone playing a sport or entering a competition and then not giving their absolute everything to win Gold.

Most people play sport to enjoy the game, not to become champions at it.

What about having offspring gives life purpose?

Do you just beget children to... help them grow up to beget more children so they can... help their children to beget more children so...

That doesn't sound (or vibe) purposeful to me. That description is obviously missing something essential.

If life has a purpose (or feeling/vibe of one) there must be something else than merely having offspring to propagate the species for its own sake.

Whatever that something else is, it seems obvious to me that it is not conditional on your own offspring specifically.

For example if you love children in person, there are a lot of orphans who would like soneone to raise them. And plenty of teaching and medicine to do.

If you love children more generally, there's plenty of science, entertainment, ending hunger, looking after the planet etc which lots of children really appreciate. They find that stuff purposeful, and that feels to me like that counts for a lot.

You do you, but you see where I'm coming from.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#199

Post by koliber »

There are many great things about having kids. There are many tough things you need to deal with when you have kids. Before I became a dad, I had a decent insight into the good and the bad.

One good thing that surprised me is the immense inner joy I feel when I see them enjoying themselves. Whether it is watching them laugh uncontrollably, seeing them learn something, or watching them immersed in play.

These are things I used to enjoy, but with age, I either have fewer opportunities to do myself, or they became less enjoyable. Watching my kids go through these experiences stirs up all those same emotions once again.

I'd never think I would enjoy Santa's visits or the great feeling of learning to ride a bike again as an adult, but through my kids, I get to do it again.

Strangely, I don't get those feelings watching other kids doing these things. The chemistry of our minds and relationships is baffling.

Re: No one wants to have kids anymore

#200

Post by tartoran »

XorNot wrote: post #151
nonethewiser wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Being a victim of student loans would mean the borrower cannot properly consent to the debt. If that's the case we shouldnt offer student loans. Otherwise theyre a victim of their own decision making. Of course they have a tough decision and probably received bad information like "education is priceless". So dont ever mislead kids with that crap. Ultimately We can distribute blame and repercussions across society l,…

Ever talked with someone looking to hire? How often have you heard "I just need to hire someone with a degree and ". My university degree is not in tech at all, but it sure has managed to open enough doors to make my self-learned skillset profitable. Pretending that people were making bad decisions with going to college is victim-blaming - there isn't a job market out there which doesn't demand a degree, pretty much…

There are good cheap unis and community colleges whose quality is not bad and which cost a whole lot less. I’d like to see those utilized more
Post reply on HN