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The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

ncbi.nlm.nih.gov

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Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#281

Post by progrus »

bradlys wrote: post #210
progrus wrote: post #133

My parents basically said “If you keep getting bullied, assault the bully, try to draw blood, and we’ll take you out for ice cream if you get suspended.” Highly recommended for any parents of boys out there - it is the best way to address this problem.

I mean - great advice if you’re as big as the bully. As a kid who was often smaller than kids 2-3 younger than him all the way to his senior year in high school… Can’t say that advice would go over well.

In that case, maybe some Karate lessons first?

I was also a tiny kid and it worked for me…

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#282

Post by sharadov »

P5fRxh5kUvp2th wrote: post #234
kingofheroes wrote: post #62

When I was coming up, especially in middle school, we were always told that you should just ignore bullies and they would go away. This, of course, never actually worked. And anyone who did fight back against their bullies were punished just as severely, if not moreso if they swung first, as the bully. This entire approach was complete BS and only served to enable bullies because they now know that their victims eith…

100%, the way to avoid being bullied is to not be an easy target. I once had a kid bullying me in middle school. I spoke with my mother about it, who recommended I say something to the teachers, which I did. When that didn't work I knocked the shit out of him the next time he tried to bully me, to the point that he was running around the edges of the classroom trying to get away from me while I chased him down to bea…

100% agree, I was a skinny kid who taught himself to fight to ward off bullies.

I bought a punching bag and started training when I was 12 - in 6 months I got so strong that I was bare-hand punching into cement walls.

There was this bully who would constantly berate me - he probably had 4 inches over me and a good 15-20 pounds heavier.

This one time am walking down the street and he comes out of nowhere and throws a punch, luckily I saw it coming, ducked and it grazed my cheek.

I flew into a rage - all I remember is he was down on the ground in a couple mins and I had beaten his face to pulp - I stopped when a friend and bystanders pulled me off. So yes, learning to fight is a life skill - because there are times when there are no adults around and it's you or the bully.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#283

Post by WalterBright »

XorNot wrote: post #276
WalterBright wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of children discover how to deal with bullies effectively. This can be taught to them.

I keep wondering what you think bullying is, at the school level? Because at my level, it was physically violent - and I was not in a school where this was considered "a problem". Everyone knew who the bullies were, and there was a collective culture of silence because the school could not possibly enforce proper physical safety on the grounds or around it. You avoided them and stayed away from them, because they abs…

I know several people who endured violent bullying as kids until they learned how to stand up to it.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#284

Post by progrus »

fleddr wrote: post #271
progrus wrote: post #133

My parents basically said “If you keep getting bullied, assault the bully, try to draw blood, and we’ll take you out for ice cream if you get suspended.” Highly recommended for any parents of boys out there - it is the best way to address this problem.

Yep. I got my ass kicked in the playground by a much larger kid. Completely unprovoked. I came home crying, my dad told me to return to the playground and hit him back. I insisted that I couldn't, he's much larger and stronger. "Get a piece of wood then" I did. As I approached the playground, I felt ridiculous. This wood still wouldn't do anything. To my surprise, the bully fled the scene, clearly afraid. This incide…

I never really got physically bullied because this was just understood in our house, so I was confident enough with the option to throw down that it didn’t happen.

There was also the fact that my parents spent beyond their means for “good” schools - but I was a tiny kid and otherwise would have made an ideal target.

I think two scuffles overall, both were the first and last time, and one of the bullies became my friend afterwards. No blood was drawn at any point.

Having the confidence to start a fight with a bunch of classmates/teachers watching makes a big difference, they will usually break up the fight.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#285

Post by bluefirebrand »

XorNot wrote: post #276
WalterBright wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of children discover how to deal with bullies effectively. This can be taught to them.

I keep wondering what you think bullying is, at the school level? Because at my level, it was physically violent - and I was not in a school where this was considered "a problem". Everyone knew who the bullies were, and there was a collective culture of silence because the school could not possibly enforce proper physical safety on the grounds or around it. You avoided them and stayed away from them, because they abs…

Teaching children to deal with physical bullying includes self defense lessons and also involves teaching them not to be passive if they witness physical bullying.

Maybe the bully is the biggest kid in class but it won't matter if every kid knows how to defend themselves and also every kid will team up to pull them off of someone.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#286

Post by wrycoder »

WalterBright wrote: post #265
s1artibartfast wrote: post #223

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If there was something that you could have done yourself to prevent or stop it, would you refuse to do it? If there are skills that could be taught to children to prevent their own bullying, would you deny them?

A lot of children discover how to deal with bullies effectively. This can be taught to them.

It’s traditional for a father to teach his son that he should defend himself. He may lose the fight, but respect is gained. And, you’d be surprised, many bullies are actually cowards and will fold early.

There are many novels directed at young people that show how to behave in these situations. It’s not clear that anyone reads them anymore.

It’s important to work these things out early in life, before the “events” get too serious. Refer to the Wikipedia article on “The Dozens”.

(I have no idea how mothers traditionally taught their daughters to stand up to bullies, but I’m sure they did.)

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#287

Post by blitz_skull »

thewebcount wrote: post #212

I sometimes feel like I'm in some alternate universe when I read stuff like this: > These new findings indicate that interventions should also focus on supporting victims of bullying and helping them build resilience; ... > These studies suggest that public health interventions could aim at preventing children from becoming the target of bullying behaviours from an early age. Have we considered ways to make bullies n…

I don’t think trying to fix a species-wide issue is a productive approach at all.

The reason people bully is the same reason people kill is the same reason people commit genocide.

If you’ve got a solution for that, I’d love to hear it. Seems to me that teaching resilience is a much more productive approach.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#288

Post by twiddling »

XorNot wrote: post #276
WalterBright wrote: post #265

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of children discover how to deal with bullies effectively. This can be taught to them.

I keep wondering what you think bullying is, at the school level? Because at my level, it was physically violent - and I was not in a school where this was considered "a problem". Everyone knew who the bullies were, and there was a collective culture of silence because the school could not possibly enforce proper physical safety on the grounds or around it. You avoided them and stayed away from them, because they abs…

I knew one kid who stood up to the bully and then was jumped by the whole gang after school. They used steel pipes to break a leg and knock out teeth. Of course there were no "witnesses" as "snitches get stitches" in that old neighborhood.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#289

Post by fleddr »

In the Netherlands there used to be a TV show where victims would explain how being bullied dramatically affected them far into adulthood. At the end of the episode, they'd meet their bully.

The consistent pattern across episodes is interesting. Pretty much every time the bully barely (or not at all) remembered the bullying. Not as a type of denial, they were genuinely shocked to learn that they were a bully, or that the bullying they did remember had such massive impact.

And when you looked at these grown up bullies, they seemed perfectly normal and reasonable adults. Not at all mean, manipulative, aggressive, or cut-throat.

Whilst none of this helps those victims, it does tell us that bullying is not some permanent character trait. It seems more a fleeting behavior of an undeveloped human being. Probably often performed under group pressure, being an "also-bully". I think that's a much different take from the notion that it's some highly planned, rational behavior driven by evil.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#290

Post by twiddling »

barbariangrunge wrote: post #242
thewebcount wrote: post #212

I sometimes feel like I'm in some alternate universe when I read stuff like this: > These new findings indicate that interventions should also focus on supporting victims of bullying and helping them build resilience; ... > These studies suggest that public health interventions could aim at preventing children from becoming the target of bullying behaviours from an early age. Have we considered ways to make bullies n…

A lot of bullies were bullied when they were younger. It's a chicken-and-egg problem

Hurt people hurt people.
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