The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence • Hacker News Board

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#241

Post by onemoresoop » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:23 PM UTC

P5fRxh5kUvp2th wrote: post #224

thewebcount wrote: post #212

I sometimes feel like I'm in some alternate universe when I read stuff like this: > These new findings indicate that interventions should also focus on supporting victims of bullying and helping them build resilience; ... > These studies suggest that public health interventions could aim at preventing children from becoming the target of bullying behaviours from an early age. Have we considered ways to make bullies n…

> Have we considered ways to make bullies not want to bully? That seems way more productive to me. At over 40 years of age I've had to deal with people attempting to bully me, most of them are completely shocked when they realize they can't. My point here is that if you think bullying is something that stops at graduation then sure, that sounds like a reasonable position, but the premise itself is wrong. One of my fa…

This is a good point. Policing bullying in school (when young) may work if one can catch it in the act but this bully behavior never stops in adulthood, it starts taking different forms. Being aware of bullies and not being affected by their actions helps but they will only find a different target.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#242

Post by barbariangrunge » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:24 PM UTC

thewebcount wrote: post #212

I sometimes feel like I'm in some alternate universe when I read stuff like this: > These new findings indicate that interventions should also focus on supporting victims of bullying and helping them build resilience; ... > These studies suggest that public health interventions could aim at preventing children from becoming the target of bullying behaviours from an early age. Have we considered ways to make bullies n…

A lot of bullies were bullied when they were younger. It's a chicken-and-egg problem

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#243

Post by olau » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:24 PM UTC

thewebcount wrote: post #212

I sometimes feel like I'm in some alternate universe when I read stuff like this: > These new findings indicate that interventions should also focus on supporting victims of bullying and helping them build resilience; ... > These studies suggest that public health interventions could aim at preventing children from becoming the target of bullying behaviours from an early age. Have we considered ways to make bullies n…

I read somewhere that to be successful you need to focus on the environment people are in, as in instead of trying to figure out who the bullies are, you need to figure out why a certain environment leads to bullying behaviour.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#244

Post by leto_ii » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:26 PM UTC

thegrimmest wrote: post #189

leto_ii wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's the same rationale as in prison - you don't want to end up at the bottom of the dominance hierarchy. The simple fact that you think it's not a problem to somewhat approvingly compare schools to prisons is already a bad sign. Schools shouldn't be like prisons. Prisons shouldn't be like prisons either, but that's another story...

Approval has nothing to do with it - we are apes living in dominance hierarchies, children even more so.

That's just not true. There are many kinds of social relations, dominance being just one particularity nasty one. Other apes also exhibit a whole range of social relations. It doesn't have to be a dog eat dog world out there, and most of the time it actually isn't.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#245

Post by P5fRxh5kUvp2th » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:27 PM UTC

oblib wrote: post #161

david-gpu wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We do children no favours by intervening in this developmental process. Will you do the same when your child is being bullied? How do you think that may affect them and their relationship with you? How do you think a child feels when they realize that the adults around them do not have their back? What does it do to their sense of safety and their self-esteem? I have lived through this and have my personal take on…

My advice is teach your kids how to fight. I grew up with 2 brothers and lots of cousins and learned how to fight by watching boxing on TV. I fought my 2 year older brother to a draw when I was 6 years old. I dropped a 15 year old kid who was way bigger than me and bullying me by kicking him in the balls that same year and then stood over him while he was on the ground writhing and crying in pain and told him he was…

> When people know you will fight back they tend to not mess with you and getting hit is not the worst thing that can happen to you. You'll heal up. Not fighting back sticks with you and hurts forever.

100%

I once had a kid walk up to me and tell me he had to show me something out in the recess yard. We get out to a certain spot, he bends down and picks up a screwdriver and throws it at me, slammed into the side of my head. To this day I have no idea why, didn't know the kid.

I chased him back into the school building, he turned a corner and the principal was standing there talking to a teacher. I remember very clearly he drew up next to the principal and had a shit eating grin on his face.

I removed that grin from his face very quickly, he thought I was afraid of the consequences of beating him in front of the principal. He learned otherwise.

To the principals credit, once I told him the story, saw the knot on my head, AND the screwdriver I got away with absolutely no punishment.

I've never been one to start things, and in fact often times I let them go too far, but I've never actually been afraid of a fight. I used to move a lot as a kid and at some point I just got used to having to fight atleast 1 person at a new school, once people realized you wouldn't take their shit, they didn't give it.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#246

Post by cannaceo » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:27 PM UTC

MrJohz wrote: post #192

cannaceo wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Solve the problem yourself". Yeah, you've never had to deal with being chased by bullies and having the shit kicked out of you for no reason. Bullying is not a conflict between peers anymore than a woman getting raped is a conflict between peers. As an adult these problems are solved for you by either human resources, the police, or being able to avoid the situation. Maybe that's why you don't walk around the rough…

I'm not the person you're replying to, but I was bullied as a child, and honestly, the problem is hard to deal with. I was not good at socialising, I found it difficult to read social cues, and I was kind of irritating a lot of the time. None of that excuses bullying, of course, but ultimately a large part of what caused that bullying was my own behaviour. If I'd have been more socially adept, if I'd realised that th…

"The ultimate solution to being bullied often lies in the hands of the victim" is the reality that people who are pushing for anti-bullying measures are trying to change.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#247

Post by hateful » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:27 PM UTC

s1artibartfast wrote: post #223

hateful wrote: post #222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a term for this: Victim Blaming. It's one thing to not be so sensitive when it comes to jokes or teasing, but this requires a maturity that a child does not yet have. A feel as though a lot of people that say those things haven't been victims of bullying, or maybe, at least, not the a certain extent that others were (I know I'm treading very close to a No True Scotsman with that statement). I was bullied when…

If there was something that you could have done yourself to prevent or stop it, would you refuse to do it? If there are skills that could be taught to children to prevent their own bullying, would you deny them?

Of course I would. I feel as though this is a false dichotomy. It isn't either/or. I wish I got the help that I needed and that adults took it more seriously - not going into detail, but I ended up almost dying because of it.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#248

Post by onemoresoop » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:31 PM UTC

I was moderately bullied, there was actually this one guy who gave me panic attacks and I'd go at great length to avoid him: eg was crossing the street or avoiding certain neighborhoods where we could've run into each-other. It didn't last too long and luckily I didn't get physically harmed too much, so I consider it didn't have a deep impact at the time but from time to time I still have a nightmare, something like once every 10 years or so, I guess it left some scars on my subconscious. Luckily I'm not easily bullied and nobody can affect me much except for people I really care about.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#249

Post by jacooper » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:35 PM UTC

P5fRxh5kUvp2th wrote: post #225

hateful wrote: post #222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's a term for this: Victim Blaming. It's one thing to not be so sensitive when it comes to jokes or teasing, but this requires a maturity that a child does not yet have. A feel as though a lot of people that say those things haven't been victims of bullying, or maybe, at least, not the a certain extent that others were (I know I'm treading very close to a No True Scotsman with that statement). I was bullied when…

> A feel as though a lot of people that say those things haven't been victims of bullying, or maybe, at least, not the a certain extent that others were I say those things and my stepfather was abusive to the point of choking me unconcious and kicking me in the face with a steel-toed boot. Please, do tell about how I know nothing about dealing with abuse at the hands of others.

But that's not bullying, that's just straight up Abuse.

Re: The persistent and pervasive impact of bullying in childhood and adolescence

#250

Post by poisonborz » Wed, Nov 30, 2022, 10:37 PM UTC

theonething wrote: post #229

anonreeeeplor wrote: post #41

I have ADHD and Aspergers. Which results in extremely high anxiety. I did not get along with other children or people. In fact; I found them completely boring and had no desire to interact with anyone. My instinct at school was just to avoid them all. Eat alone, hang out in the school library. I have run into parents who homeschooled their children and let them follow their curiosity. Some of the results I saw them g…

We're strongly considering homeschooling our kid. We have reservations (read are scared of how hard it sounds compared to sending them off to school) but hearing about experiences like this move us in that direction. It sounds like a best of both worlds. Avoid bullies and other bs associated with institutional education and instead have a customized, curiosity driven education.

...and also to keep the kid in an associal bubble. Socialisation and experiencing/handling all kinds of people in life is the most important skill to be learned in school. I woulnt want to give this up for comfort.