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Intentionally making close friends

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Re: Intentionally making close friends

#311
post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hook up culture is made up of lots of woman and a few men. The women are desperately searching for a relationship. The few men involved with hook up culture have too many options are unwilling to commit due to overwhelming supply. There are two reasons for why it's like this. The first reason is dating apps. Dating apps make it very easy for women to be even more selective then they already are. The second reason is…

You forget that this cuts both ways. Men, too, no longer need a wife. No need to cook. No need to mend clothes. No need for heirs. So little patience for compromise. And focus on superficialities and short term benefits rather than team building.

men never needed this. The things you describe are luxuries that a man can do without. Men would like to have this but this is not something needed.

In the past women, NEEDED men to survive. For women it was a choice about survival. It was always men who went out to hunt for food, farm for food, make the money and build the house. All the technology, all the machinery, all the science you see around you today, most of it was built, designed and envisioned by men.

In general human civilization and societies functioned in a way where men and women worked together but make no doubt about it. For the majority of human history (99%) men did built and maintained the infrastructure for survival. Men worked in partnership with women for betterment and higher productivity; women however worked with men because they needed to survive. A woman without a man in the past had few options to support herself.

This is no longer the case, so we'll see how it plays out, but modern society is at odds with the biology millions of years of evolution has designed us for. Likely there will be a culling. A natural selection process where a huge portion of the genetic pool will fail to reproduce.

To be frank I think a lot of men will just end up being lonely and single until they're dead. Polygamy will become more and more normalized and women will have a lot more power over society and societal norms in general.

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#312

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> building more non-romantic relationships with women. I completely agree; I've always preferred being friends with women, but in my opinion it's not easy to do. Things sometimes get complicated quickly if there's attraction on either side which often happens to at least one side if you're close friends. Even without romantic feelings, things get weird/awkward if either party is in a relationship or married.

Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm in this situation now and it's basically ruining my life. Or maybe it's ruined already, because I see no possible way out -- not even just ending the friendship. Not only is the friendship very close, but inextricably linked with far and away my favorite activity in the world. One that has brought by far the most joy to my life, and one that I have given up a lot to pur…

As much as you can, relax. These things go 100x better when you’re relaxed. Whatever method you use to destress, do it. A lot. I’ve found that all social/romantic situations will flow better if I can build some mental “distance”.

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#314
post #308

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You forget that this cuts both ways. Men, too, no longer need a wife. No need to cook. No need to mend clothes. No need for heirs. So little patience for compromise. And focus on superficialities and short term benefits rather than team building.

men never needed this. The things you describe are luxuries that a man can do without. Men would like to have this but this is not something needed. In the past women, NEEDED men to survive. For women it was a choice about survival. It was always men who went out to hunt for food, farm for food, make the money and build the house. All the technology, all the machinery, all the science you see around you today, most o…

I don’t think that women in general give up on a relationship any faster or easier than men do. In fact, I would probably say that it’s men who give up first when things get tough. (It’s only that women notice problems sooner, while men often are still in denial and think all is fine.)

Saying that technology is the reason why relationships no longer work sounds like a big fat excuse to me. The facts are certainly true. But the conclusion is, in my opinion, a convenient tale to avoid responsibility.

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#315
post #314

Earlier quoted context omitted.

men never needed this. The things you describe are luxuries that a man can do without. Men would like to have this but this is not something needed. In the past women, NEEDED men to survive. For women it was a choice about survival. It was always men who went out to hunt for food, farm for food, make the money and build the house. All the technology, all the machinery, all the science you see around you today, most o…

I don’t think that women in general give up on a relationship any faster or easier than men do. In fact, I would probably say that it’s men who give up first when things get tough. (It’s only that women notice problems sooner, while men often are still in denial and think all is fine.) Saying that technology is the reason why relationships no longer work sounds like a big fat excuse to me. The facts are certainly tru…

No post body was provided.

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#316

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Complicated doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm in this situation now and it's basically ruining my life. Or maybe it's ruined already, because I see no possible way out -- not even just ending the friendship. Not only is the friendship very close, but inextricably linked with far and away my favorite activity in the world. One that has brought by far the most joy to my life, and one that I have given up a lot to pur…

As much as you can, relax. These things go 100x better when you’re relaxed. Whatever method you use to destress, do it. A lot. I’ve found that all social/romantic situations will flow better if I can build some mental “distance”.

You're 100% right of course, but the thing is that my favorite method, I can't even enjoy anymore, unless it's with her.

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#317
post #257

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Eh, I don't think family ties are "completely destroyed" in the West, we're just not as into our family as some "Eastern" cultures (I'm thinking of India in particular) can be. Remember, a lot of the "West" (at least my exposure to it, the USA) is a conglomeration of other cultures; we have many Eastern cultures here as well! Many of my friends have large families that they're much more entangled with than I'd opt in…

I am from North Africa, from a socio-economic background that's somehow the middle ground between the West and the East. I do agree with the concept of freedom of choice. I always thought about it in such terms. In the West, you have total freedom in whether to keep close to family or not, but it comes with the risk of isolation and loneliness. On the other hand, in the East, lonliness and isolation is pretty much ga…

> IMHO, the West is better if you manage to succeed and build you own fullfilling social network, but if you fail, you're doomed to love a miserable lonely life. The East is a good default option for most people but it holds back people a bit.

Very well put. But I also posit that it’s getting harder and harder to build a fulfilling social network in the west

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#318

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new relationships = low commitment never ask a new friend to hang in X, where X is days away. instead just do, i'm heading to this arcade want to join? or i'm at coffee shop now, want to stop by and catch up. this is how you can turn casual associates into friends. if someone cool i knew asked me to spend 2 hours with them i'd get nervous. plus, if they know that you are cool even without them they are far more likel…

>or i'm at coffee shop now, want to stop by and catch up. this is how you can turn casual associates into friends. This is not my experience at all in my new host country. I tried this a lot and never got anyone to join. People here seem to have their schedule pre-planned, and expect you to schedule meetups in advance if you want them to join you. Sending texts like "I'm having a coffee in town, join me if you want"…

10 hours in advance is not enough time for the weekends, people plan there weekends days in advance and sometimes weeks. A weekday is a lot easier

Re: Intentionally making close friends

#320
post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It breaks my heart to see Western people living such lives. I love the West for so many reasons, but the social construction is a complete broken mess. Family and community is completely destroyed. People live and work only for themselves. The amount of loneliness and isolation is just mind blowing and unbearable. IMO, it's a selfish lifestyle. People who manage to make great success (due to a combination of lack, in…

As someone who moved from SE Asia awhile ago, agree 100%: - Parents can't wait to kick their kids out once they're college age - A societal sense of embarressment if you're *still* living with your parents - No night-time social options to speak of unless you want to drink/party (everything closes early - no midnight cafes or the like) - Macho and bully culture all the way through high school leading to polar extreme…

Some (not all) of these strike me as not applying to all of the West, but being very American.
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