The author is a child. The core of his anecdote is "I dated a girl and then I went to a summer camp and got my camp mates to do that '36 questions' exercise the New York Times popularized several years ago." I think this advice would be useful to socially awkward college students who need explicit instruction for talking to classmates.
Intentionally making close friends
41–50 of 323 posts
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#42Earlier quoted context omitted.
I am one of these friendly extroverts. Something that's hard for me to explain is that "making friends is so hard it's easy" What I mean by that is, social anxiety is so high, population-level self-absorption is so high, people are so lonely... that for the most part if you just approach someone and behave as if you're friends... they'll go for it. There's so much DEMAND for friends, that people will gobble up your s…
I don't disagree with your post, but this only works in communities where: 1. Trust hasn't been eroded (i.e. fraudsters/salesmen do not predominate) 2. There is an external stimuli towards making friends (i.e. socializing is being perceived as a good thing) 3. There is an internal stimuli towards making friends (i.e. disregarding #2 and all other personal needs met, one still feels the need to connect with others) Th…
>1. Trust hasn't been eroded (i.e. fraudsters/salesmen do not predominate)
I have become much more guarded and cynical in the past few years after a handful of interactions like this. At a bar or restaurant, and strike up a conversation with someone, only to have them, 15-30 minutes later, introduce me to their MLM, FX, Trading Mentor, House Flipping, etc. scam, and then swiftly disengage when I am uninterested.
I'm not a good looking dude, nor am I an extrovert. So I now just assume anyone approaching me in public is trying to scam me.
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#43This fellow had higher emotional IQ at age 17 than me at age 27. Great read!
If it you makes feel better, at the age of 34 my therapist handed me a "feelings wheel" as a way to help me name my emotions[1]. Prior to that, my emotional vocabulary essentially consisted of "anger" and "joy". This in turn lead me down a very deep and painful rabbit hole to figure out why I had so much trouble accessing my own emotions, opening up to people, and trusting others.
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#44That font is super-annoying. You are not a friend...
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#45The author is a child. The core of his anecdote is "I dated a girl and then I went to a summer camp and got my camp mates to do that '36 questions' exercise the New York Times popularized several years ago." I think this advice would be useful to socially awkward college students who need explicit instruction for talking to classmates.
While the author is young, they've made some accurate observations - at least in my experience.
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#46Excellent article, but don't make having close friends part of your main goal. Once you are comfortable with who you are, do things on your own, work on new hobbies and interests, then you will attract the right people. Being confident and positive are a people magnet.
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#47I wish I know how, as a migrant that changes countries every 5-7 years... Alas, there is no way.
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#48That font is super-annoying. You are not a friend...
Maybe you could be his friend and help pick a better typeface that works for prose ^^
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#49Great article, though it does give a sort of programmy-algorithmic answer to one of life's great questions. Not saying that's bad, just unexpected. I was actually thinking about it today. Here's an awkward truth about friendships that everyone needs to get comfortable with: often one of you is more interested in the relationship than the other. You know what I mean. For instance, I was invited to a wedding a few week…
It's a good point, but I would say it's not awkward, just expected unless exceptional circumstances (for example two single persons sharing a flat and having similar interests at that time). Like any relationships, friendships evolve with time, you might get close at some point but things change and you are not in touch much for the next few years, and then the situation changes again and you are back closer. Don't you think?
I see this happening especially when people get in and out of intimate relationships. I think it's just life...
Re: Intentionally making close friends
#50I fortunately have close friends, but not through any of my own doing. Over the years, there were a lot of friendly extroverts that encouraged me to hang out and join them for burger night, or they’d message me when they were in town. Everyone I dated took the initiative to ask me out, including my wife. I always feel awkward when I reach out to people, as though I’m bothering them somehow, so I tend to avoid doing s…
I am this exact same way.
-NPC Person