Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

Some people's neurons are organized such that topics of information are tightly bound without reaching too far into adjacent topics.

Other people's neurons are broadly organized with topics of information overlapping.

Neither method of organization is superior. They each have pros and cons.

Tightly organized minds are efficient at particular tasks and can delve deeply into any particular area of knowledge, but are more rigid and less able to cope with new situations.

Loosely organized minds are less efficient and their knowledge is more superficial, but they're able to be flexible in the face of new situations and more apt to generate novel ideas to solve problems.

I have been on both ends of the conversation. From what I have learned, each technical question to some degree requires reciting what architecturally is occurring from memory. The more complex a system becomes the harder it is to do that. Potential solutions are writing documentation, reducing complexity, or staffing people to keep complex parts in their memory.

Here’s how I address your issues, when I encounter them:

> don’t directly address the point of your question

I clarify why I’m asking - in the future, I make sure the person I’m talking to has the same context as me before asking.

> don't stay focused to the point of the discussion

I make sure I understand what it is I’m asking. Usually, this happens when I ask a dumb question.

> don't some level of clarity in their train of thought and speech

I make sure we have a common intellectual structure/framework to use. Usually, this happens when there’s more complexity than I initially realized

> generally over-complicate matters by wandering off to other related subjects and extending the scope of the discussion

Could be a lot of reasons for this. Usually, I asked a big question and put them on the spot, so they’re rambling. I give them time to answer, and May schedule a meeting to discuss.

You may be noticing a pattern here: in general, if someone isn’t communicating clearly with me, it’s my fault, and I can fix it.

(1) They're focused on some other problem, and then they're asked to participate in a discussion. This requires unloading their brain, literally, so that they can devote full attention to the discussion (i.e. 'stay focused'). Some try to only devote partial attention to the discussion so that they don't have to unload and reload their brain all the time - as this takes a lot of time and energy (think: cost of a major context switch).

(2) They don't spend much time interacting with other human beings, so their communication and social skills are somewhat lacking, i.e. not much so-called 'emotional intelligence'. People can learn this skill, but for those not practiced in it, it does require one's full concentration (see point one). Others fall into the 'lecturing to the classroom' mentality, i.e. they generate a one-way stream of information, not a discussion.

One solution is to schedule technical discussions ahead of time, and make a point to never interrupt people when they're in the middle of something. If that doesn't work, maybe some kind of communication skills training program is needed.

Examples:

She starts off with "To make a long story short...". I tell her: "Honey, all of your stories are long and I like them to be very short. Just leave off 'To make a long story short' and get right to the point."

She answers yes/no questions with long-winded answers that make it very unclear whether it's yes or no.

She drifts WAY off topic very easily. We might be talking about some current topic and she'll go off with something like: "Oh, let me tell you about what happened when I was 7 years old and attending elementary school and we had this girl that lived next door that would always ...". It exhausts me when she does this.

She's very hard of hearing (has hearing aids in both ears) and even still she often doesn't clearly hear what the other person said and guesses at what they said. Then replies with something completely unrelated.