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Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

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Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#31

Post by dangerface »

People think every one shares the same definition for words like a dictionary, but people don't learn words from the dictionary they learn them from context of other peoples speech.

The fact that context is communication seems to be lost on most people and in an effort to be efficient assume every one else is using and understands their definition.

The examples you give could all be caused by this. They could be trying to establish context or gain understanding of definitions. As in they are talking in an attempt to understand you rather than answer the question.

Is clear communication answering in the least words possible or covering all possible interpretations of understanding? Annoyingly its both.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#33

Post by gorjusborg »

willcipriano wrote: post #11

Lots of people are afraid to say "I don't know" in my experience. Although, sometimes people ask me a question where I have to work out in my head what the answer is and it feels weird to sit there in silence for 15 seconds as I do so.

This is the cause of situations I find myself in regularly.

Some people seem to think that spewing a stream of nonsense is superior to admitting that they aren't omniscient.

I respect people more when they can confidently say "I don't know".

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#34

Post by SpicyLemonZest »

f1shy wrote: post #14

YES. Absolutely! Many people seem to totally lack the capability of understanding simple questions. I often have to ask yes/no questions, and even then I have to say "please answer yes or no". Then I have to go beating 1 bit information at the time... really frustrating, specially with people with master or even PhD degrees! Ok, where I'm now it seems a PhD can be bought around the corner for 2 cents. In my experienc…

Honestly, when I see this kind of story (and I do see it a lot), the confusion is typically more on the side of the person insisting on a yes or no. I had a conversation once with a customer who demanded a yes or no answer to the question of "is your system in-memory". They didn't want to talk about what was in memory - they'd just learned from Oracle marketing material that "in-memory" was faster, so they wanted to make sure we were faster.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#35

Post by jrmg »

f1shy wrote: post #14

YES. Absolutely! Many people seem to totally lack the capability of understanding simple questions. I often have to ask yes/no questions, and even then I have to say "please answer yes or no". Then I have to go beating 1 bit information at the time... really frustrating, specially with people with master or even PhD degrees! Ok, where I'm now it seems a PhD can be bought around the corner for 2 cents. In my experienc…

Many people seem to totally lack the capability of understanding simple questions. I often have to ask yes/no questions, and even then I have to say "please answer yes or no". Then I have to go beating 1 bit information at the time...

In my experience of sometimes being on the other side of these conversations, the problem is that the person asking for ‘yes/no’ answers is exhibiting a lack of understanding of the subject being discussed. They are asking questions that are not relevant or perhaps even misleading. I’m struggling to get them to stop focusing on irrelevant or wrong things, and listen to more background information that’s required to reach a base level of shared understanding.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#37

Post by deevolution »

willcipriano wrote: post #11

Lots of people are afraid to say "I don't know" in my experience. Although, sometimes people ask me a question where I have to work out in my head what the answer is and it feels weird to sit there in silence for 15 seconds as I do so.

Yup pretty sure this is the simplest answer here. Lots of people just BS on the fly if they're expected to have an immediate answer, but it would do better to keep meetings short if people honestly said IDK

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#38

Post by karaterobot »

You might try telling them how you want them to answer. "Can you tell me in a few words how you would X?"

You may not get what you want the first time, but just keep politely giving them guidance, and eventually you will "train" them on how you like to get answers.

When they successfully give you a succinct and cogent response, thank them: "Wow, that was very well stated. Let me repeat it back to you: Z. Perfect, thank you."

In terms of why this happens, they may be formulating an answer on the fly, but feel like they have to start talking immediately. So, they're working through a half-formed thought in real time. There's that old joke: "I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to write a shorter one." Simple is hard.

I struggle with this at work, too. I'll ask a question that I hope is a one word, or at most one paragraph answer. Five minutes later, I'm grinding my teeth, thinking "stop filibustering this meeting."

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#39

Post by ajkjk »

Dwolb wrote: post #18

In my experience there are two main reasons: 1) People don't receive formal training in logic and argument formation. 2) People don't properly calibrate their own emotion or take into account the listener's emotions when deciding how to make their argument.

Disagree with (1), no formal training is required to communicate well, although no doubt it can help if you don't learn it from other sources.

Re: Ask HN: Why do some people not communicate clearly?

#40

Post by MrDrDr »

I have spent a lot of time working with front line users and engineers in requirement gathering. I recognise the situation you are describing. Part of the problem (IMO) is that some people ‘think out loud’ when answering a question and use the interaction to clarify their thinking on the fly. This can be useful in identifying edge cases - but can also feel exhausting. My advise is the focus on your questions and use them to steer your interactions: Write them down - send them out in advance - document their answers in front of them then share them after. Good luck!
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