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Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

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Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The same could be said of any post-natal surgery for congenital birth defects, such as club foot or cleft lip. Many can go without surgery and live their entire lives without developing early-onset arthritis or feeding issues. These days, and in the vast majority of cases, a person can live a relatively healthy and long life without surgery for congenital arrhythmia. But I have never heard or read wholesale condemnat…

> However, the poster I responded to did not make that distinction. Because it was implicit - we are discussing circumcision of infants, not circumcision of adult males with phimosis. > Given what I've read, I'm convinced that many of these anti-circumcision posts are motivated by animus — whether of genital surgery in its entirety or the religious elements associated with it Of course it's motivated by animus - muti…

> Because it was implicit - we are discussing circumcision of infants, not circumcision of adult males with phimosis.

Infant phimosis exists and it generally requires circumcision. Regarding the post I replied to, I'm not obligated to divine implicit claims from absolute statements. If someone has made an absolute claim with with no stated qualifications or context whatsoever, that is a fundamental error I have a right to rebut it. No context needed on my part.

> Of course it's motivated by animus - mutilation of infants is disgusting. It should not be done, unless explicitly needed in individual cases due to medical issues, just like any other kind of amputation.

> Yes, and the first step is to stop mutilating children in general just for the sake of mutilating children in general.

Just to reiterate, the first step is to understand the appropriate context for when circumcision is necessary and when it isn't, whether of an infant or adult. People don't mutilate children for the sake of mutilating children. The reasons may vary in quality and acceptability, but the general understanding of why parents and doctors advocate for circumcision is as a means and attempt to make the child's present or future life "better" (for some definition of the word). Whether the reasoning for "better" is acceptable depends on the particular case being examined.

I would also add that almost all surgeries are accomplished by mutilation, even the ones deemed uncontroversial and necessary to save an infant's life. Instead of throwing FUD around with words like "mutilation", it would help your case to make a clear, coherent, and consistent point.

> Speculation of religious hatred is completely uncalled for.

If the animus isn't directed towards the medical practice of circumcision, then by process of elimination it surely must be against its religious practice. Historically, religious figures (to my knowledge, Judaic and Christian) have advocated for circumcision and employed people to undertake the task on behalf of the church/temple/etc. In some sects/denominations, the extra-medical practice of circumcision continues to exist. It would make sense that the anti-circumcision posts have much (if not more) to do with the posters' revulsion towards the faith(s) they grew up in, and of which circumcision is a permanent marker.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#152

The "cry it out" / Ferber method taught our kids how to fall asleep on their own and saved our sanity. It used to take hours to get a baby settled and one of us had to be there the whole time. By letting them cry for a bit (occasionally showing up to reassure that we're still there), it took like a few days for them to go to sleep on their own. It was an amazing change, and one I wish I had put in place much sooner.…

Absolutely do not Ferberize your baby.

On mobile don’t have time for a complete rebuttal currently.

“cry it out” methods of “parenting” are directly associated with elevated levels of anxiety and mental health issues later in life.

Will try to come back to this later.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> However, the poster I responded to did not make that distinction. Because it was implicit - we are discussing circumcision of infants, not circumcision of adult males with phimosis. > Given what I've read, I'm convinced that many of these anti-circumcision posts are motivated by animus — whether of genital surgery in its entirety or the religious elements associated with it Of course it's motivated by animus - muti…

> Because it was implicit - we are discussing circumcision of infants, not circumcision of adult males with phimosis. Infant phimosis exists and it generally requires circumcision. Regarding the post I replied to, I'm not obligated to divine implicit claims from absolute statements. If someone has made an absolute claim with with no stated qualifications or context whatsoever, that is a fundamental error I have a rig…

> Infant phimosis exists and it generally requires circumcision.

Gangrene also exists and generally requires amputation, but I don't see that as an argument for cutting off all infants' limbs, regardless of their medical state. If people in the US cut off male infants' limbs at birth as tradition, it would be perfectly appropriate to write a comment in the lines of "hey, if you have a boy, don't cut off his limbs".

> I'm not obligated to divine implicit claims from absolute statements

If you put things out of context, conversations won't make sense. Implicit context is an inevitable part of communication - it isn't divine, anyone with half a brain could figure out that when someone says "there's no medical reason for circumcision" that they mean in general, not in all cases without exceptions whatsoever. Nobody in their right mind would argue against surgery in general. Pretending that's the original argument is a form of logical fallacy called "attacking a strawman" - yes, you are right that circumcision can be valid in some cases, but nobody is arguing against that.

> Just to reiterate, the first step is to understand the appropriate context for when circumcision is necessary and when it isn't

Yes, and since there is a culture of circumcising infants indiscriminately in the US, the first step is to tell people to stop doing it for no fucking reason.

> People don't mutilate children for the sake of mutilating children.

This is just plain false - the number of circumcisions in the US that happen because of "my dad circumcised me, so I guess that's how it should be" is very high. It is necessary to fight that kind of pointless mutilation by advising people.

> Instead of throwing FUD around with words like "mutilation", it would help your case to make a clear, coherent, and consistent point.

Here's a clear coherent point: We should tell people not to perform unnecessary surgery on infants in general for no reason. I have a feeling that we've been through this a couple of times already...

> If the animus isn't directed towards the medical practice of circumcision

It is directed towards general, indiscriminatory circumcision - or, to generalize, towards any kind of unneeded medical surgeries, some of which are unfortunately done on infants because of ignorance and tradition.

> It would make sense that the anti-circumcision posts have much (if not more) to do with the posters' revulsion towards the faith(s) they grew up in, and of which circumcision is a permanent marker.

Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Even if it was true (which you have no way of knowing), the fact that the religion performs surgery on people in order to "mark them" as belonging to the group actually warrants such feelings. The person is never given the right to choose - they were simply marked, with an irreversible surgery, from the moment they were born, without even a chance of changing their minds. If such feelings exist in the poster, I'd definitely sympathize much more with them, than with religious people who feel "attacked" by such feelings.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#154
if he/she is crying, make sure he/she isn't wet or need of diaper change

if not that, hungry? try a bottle

if not that, walk and rock, drive & pray, etc.

if not that, earplugs

that's all you need to know for the first couple years. after that, they will be smarter and quicker than you but won't know it yet.

don't let them figure it out until 16+ and you'll be fine.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#155
post #127
post #14

Some practical things I’ve learned after a year: 1. Pace yourself. You’re going to want to try to do as much as you can with your newborn/infant but sometimes they’re just not ready for it. If you try to be very extra with your child on day one, you’re going to burn yourself out. A corollary is to appreciate the free time you get. 2. Children all develop in their own way so don’t freak out if your experience somethin…

On point 4, be aware of potential risks with Baby Brezza: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/03/13/technology/baby-brezza-fo...

Indeed. They need to be cleaned often - I purchased several dispensing funnels so that I can swap them in and out interchangeably and not have to clean them on the spot. Haven't seen any issues with it and so the benefits have far outweighed the downsides, which ppl must be mindful of.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#156

When your kids are young, they will depend upon you. As they grow, they will be attached to you. You will be joined at the hip and do everything together. Cherish this. As your kids progress through their teenage years, they will distance themselves from you. They may lie about what they are up to. They might argue with you, shout at you, and cut you out of the discussion even when you desperately want to be involved…

Setting up a calendar reminder for 8 years from now
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