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Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

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21–30 of 156 posts

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#21
Congrats. 3 things that I found the most useful: - Know that it will get better. The first period, and periods after, will suck. But it is also very much worth it. When things are at the absolute worst, just remember that this too shall pass. - We got an octopus teddy from Jellycat - lifesaver! Baby’s hands will pull out the pacifier when they sleep - they wake up - you wake up. The baby could hold on to the tentacles instead of the pacifier, meaning everyone slept better. - Prep meals when possible. Cooks stews and similar for the freezer for those hard times when you can’t even think of cooking. Will make it easier to get a good meal.

Bonus: sleep whenever possible, and bring the baby to see friends so you don’t become a hermit.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#23
New father here.

Ensure baby is fed (breastfed/formula fed) every couple of hours. This above all else. If baby is not latching just formula feed until he latches. This is crucial.

Watch out for signs of dehydration (parched lips) on baby. Usually because mothers dont lactate on day 0 and babies dont get any milk. Note time spent at breast not equal to milk in baby.

Watch for signs of jaundice. Low feed for baby causes jaundice levels to spike which can cause severe health issues.

Revisit the paediatrician within 48h of hospital discharge.

Be there for your partner. It'll be fine.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#24
You will make mistakes. Lots of them. You will hate some moments. Often. There is a lot of Instagram parenting where everyone is oh so happy and oh so perfect, but raising kids is difficult and if you really spend time with them you will not do things perfectly, nor like it constantly. Good thing is, kids are resilient. They will live with your flaws. Just make sure you give then plenty of love.

Remember that children are human beings from the get go. They have a personality, and feelings. They are the ones doing the growing up, and all you can do is try to help them do it well. You might meet people who think that kids are infinitely malleable and that personality faults in them are intolerable. These people are ignorant in the same way racists and homophobes are.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#25
You'll get plenty of specific useful advice here. No point in adding to that.

What I tell folks is the bar for parenting is pretty low actually. Give a shit, and put effort in. The rest is really just minor details in the grand scheme.

Kids just need parents and adults that care about them and are willing to put the time in. All the other stuff stems from that, but gets talked about far more. It's pretty hard to mess a kid up in a loving supportive household no matter your other circumstances.

Material things also simple don't matter at all, even though society will focus on those for you.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#26

When your kids are young, they will depend upon you. As they grow, they will be attached to you. You will be joined at the hip and do everything together. Cherish this. As your kids progress through their teenage years, they will distance themselves from you. They may lie about what they are up to. They might argue with you, shout at you, and cut you out of the discussion even when you desperately want to be involved…

Too young to become a parent (by modern standards). I really liked your comment and I agree even though I have zero experience.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#29
First few years are hard. Not just because of the work and the sleepless nights but also the adjustments to you and your partners lives. You need to look directly at that and swallow it down. Embrace the new normal. Allow each other to have me-time, sharing doesn’t mean you both ‘suffer’ 100% of the time. The challenges change over the years but just keep working at it and it’s infinitely rewarding.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#30
It’s a bit orthogonal to the topic of this post. As a gay man living in a country with no opportunity to adopt kids and surrogacy being illegal I have given up on hope of having kids and posts like this make me wish I was straight though. I wish you all the happiness.
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