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Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

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461–470 of 567 posts

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#461
post #248

Mentor advice: 1. An estimate is better than a guess. An measurement is better than an estimate. 2. It's never the money. (They will always say it is, but it's not.) 3. Never let anyone eat your lunch. 4. The best time to turn it on is before it's ready. You'll get plenty of data to finish it faster. 5. The only good Powerpoint slide is evergreen. If it's not, it's already obsolete. 6. Your positive mental attitude m…

11. The reason everyone we work for sucks is because those who don't suck never call us. I especially like that one. Me, as a newbie in the industry: "Customer X is a bunch of idiots." Boss: "If they weren't idiots, they wouldn't need us." This one, on the other hand: 4. The best time to turn it on is before it's ready. You'll get plenty of data to finish it faster. If it's software, check your backups first. If it's…

> I especially like that one. Me, as a newbie in the industry: "Customer X is a bunch of idiots." Boss: "If they weren't idiots, they wouldn't need us."

As a former coworker of mine put it:

"if IT was easy we wouldn't get paid decent money for it"

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#462
post #309
post #283

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> 5. The only good Powerpoint slide is evergreen. If it's not, it's already obsolete. What does this mean? That it sticks to high-level, timeless concepts?

Yes, that's part of it. It has to speak deep (sometimes elusive) truth. People will be engaged. They will learn. They will use it. And you can use the slides forever. Kinda like stand-up comedy. Ever notice that there are 2 kinds of comics, those who riff with the drunks to get the cheap laughs and those who work at an act to speak evergreen truth, getting deep laughs (and even a few tears). We should be like the lat…

I could see that working for presentations for a general audience like a TED talk or maybe intro/closing slides, but otherwise many presentations are context-specific, and trying to frame the content as a "deep truth" might not fly with the audience.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#463

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Completely disagree. The "heaviness" of an insult is determined by various factors: how much you value the person holding that opinion, how much you want to be accepted, how many rejections you got through... We are not robots that can automatically choose to not care: in the past I was in the stoic camp, red Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and so on but now I recognize that that philosophy brought me lots of pain…

I don’t think stoicism was applied correctly. Stoicism is about controlling what you have control over. Chief among this… is our thoughts. Thoughts matter. How one thinks about things, events, situations that happen to us… matter. Re-framing and interpreting how one thinks about what happened to us. Is important, for peace of mind. Cognitive Behavior Therapy is an example of how one can apply stoicism.

I would put it differently.

Stoicism is about realising what you have control over and what you do not. It about acknowledging the agency you have no matter how little it may be.

Even if you have a tendency to be very reactive there is always something you can do to nullify or lessen the impact of an insult.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#464
post #449

"No one should be the boss of anybody" - elon musk

He said that? Sounds like straight out of David Graeber. (I agree.)

Graeber is the real influence for me too, but yes he did say that lmao

Goes to show how little self-awareness matters relative to power held I guess

https://twitter.com/TechEmails/status/1585804674170355712/ph...

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#465
A few years ago, I received a series of "class rules" through an instant messaging group. The list describes how everyday things are interpreted, depending on your social class.

At that time, I was part of an executive master program at a very prestigious university, it cost me a third of my yearly income and had a huge impact on my personal life and finances.

Reading that list made me realize in just a few seconds that I had been studying there for four years for a completely different reason than those around me. I felt heavily depressed first, then I realized it was actually possible to switch my expectations. I focused the last few months on building and strengthening connections, it completely changed my relationship with this university and the people there.

Money:

  - You're poor? spend.
  - You're middle class? manage.
  - You're wealthy? invest.
Food:

  - You're poor? quantity.
  - You're middle class? quality.
  - You're wealthy? presentation.
Time:

  - You're poor? present.
  - You're middle class? future.
  - You're wealthy? tradition.
Education:

  - You're poor? abstract.
  - You're middle class? success and money.
  - You're wealthy? connect.
Family structure:

  - You're poor? matriarchal.
  - You're middle class? patriarchal.
  - You're wealthy? whoever owns the money.
Driving forces:

  - You're poor? relationships.
  - You're middle class? achievements.
  - You're wealthy? finances, social life.
Language:

  - You're poor? casual.
  - You're middle class? formal, to negotiate.
  - You're wealthy? formal, to network.
Social drive:

  - You're poor? inclusion.
  - You're middle class? self-sufficiency.
  - You're wealthy? exclusion.
Personality:

  - You're poor? be fun.
  - You're middle class? be an achiever.
  - You're wealthy? connect.
Destiny:

  - You're poor? it's fate. You can't change it.
  - You're middle class? your choices.
  - You're wealthy? your expectations.
Hope it inspires someone :)

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#466

My mother told me to not care what other people thought. She also told me that words can't really hurt people ("sticks and stones..."). She also believed its "mean" to have any preference about people, calling it a version of "keeping score". In fact, "keeping score" was one of the worst things you could be accused of in my household. Her advice fails to accept the reality of social and emotional needs. It also fails…

> Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia: dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts, and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen. I, like you, grew up with religious parents who tried to equip me with the tools that helped them navigate their lives. As an adult,…

Baz Lurman!

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#467
post #192

My mother told me to not care what other people thought. She also told me that words can't really hurt people ("sticks and stones..."). She also believed its "mean" to have any preference about people, calling it a version of "keeping score". In fact, "keeping score" was one of the worst things you could be accused of in my household. Her advice fails to accept the reality of social and emotional needs. It also fails…

Not caring what others think doesn’t mean you can’t “fit in.” Of course it sure doesn’t sound like that’s what she meant, but it’s still solid advice, I think. I do lots of things that basically boil down to “social lubricant.” I really don’t care what most other people think, but I still “play nice” when it’s low-cost and easy because makes everything easier. I won’t go out of my way or expend too much effort to ple…

"I don't care what others think" always sounds like a coping mechanism, a last resort, an out-of-balance response to past insecurities and people-pleasing, as evidenced in this comment by dated references to designer clothes and fancy cars.

If I have a boss, shouldn't I worry about what they think of me? If I have a spouse, a partner, a child, shouldn't I worry about what they think of me?

Now, I know, the usual clarification is about "not worrying about what people who are not your spouse, your child, your parent, your boss think about you" or "not changing our habits to fit in." Which, of course, is about as unfair as it gets.

Sure, if I'm invited to a fancy restaurant, I can show up in shorts and espadrilles because "I'm not going to change my comfortable clothes anyway, if they don't like them they can go for a hike," or maybe I could change my ways to fit in because I care what they think of me, not that they boss me around like a dog, but I understand that I live in a society, other people occupy the same space as me, we share what ecologists call a "niche." And I have opinions about other people.

Between being a sheep, a formidable animal by the way, and looking like an obnoxious "I don't care what other people think of me" character, there is a huge space in which one can live a life of independent thought and social awareness. It was called elegance.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#468
post #125

After you've been lying or sitting and you get up and go for a wee, once done press up just behind your balls. Oftentimes that pushes out a big drip that was otherwise going to come out later once you had your pants done up. The best abstract advice I've been given is to say "I don't know" when I don't know. No waffle, no bullshit, no trying to save face. Saves a lot of time.

The advice "I don't know" sounds good, but without further qualification it just sounds good.

Examples are my boss and their boss, who instead of saying "I don't know," would sell you their plan for nuclear fusion despite knowing fusion only in the context of fine dining. Many politicians are also allergic to "I don't know," but they continue to get elected, many journalists have no clue but continue to write for major newspapers. They don't say "I don't know," they write while not knowing, but without mentioning it.

Re: Ask HN: Advice that changed your life?

#470
post #305

Your ego and your conscious mind are the source of most of your problems. Meditate to delve deeper and find out who you truly are. (Or more accurately, who you are not.) If you can tap into and sync up with this inner self, your problems will melt away and you will find happiness without needing much. This isn’t to say that you must get rid of your conscious mind or ego. Simply understand why they’re useful. Your con…

Been recently struggling with health and having a lot of time on my hands, I have gotten more into meditation. I like the way these thoughts of yours are going. While learning who 'I' am and who I am not might be a part of our introspective journey, are there any books you could recommend looking into as to support the practice of mindfulness and meditation?
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